Title: Crossed Up
Author: Lowdeen
Disclaimer: The characters and shows do not belong to me. The story contains love between two women, so if such things offend you, don't read it and upset yourself.
Author's Note: This is a crossover between BtVS and Dark Angel told from Faith's POV
Rating: R

Sometimes, stuff happens. What would the world be like if nothing ever changed, right? I've got an answer for you. Jail, that's what it'd be like. Nothing in here ever changes. Sure, there'd be a couple of new faces now and again but the routine is still there. And you've got to follow it no matter how much you just want to say screw it to the whole thing. So where am I going with this jailhouse philosophy, I hear you asking. I don't know; maybe I'm just ranting or maybe I have too much damn time on my hands which just gives me more opportunity to think. In fact, that's all I've done since giving myself in---that, and following instructions like a well-trained dog. I was hoping that if I did everything the guards told me and towed the line, so to speak, I'd dip below their radar. Thing was though, that just made all the predators around this place think they could make me their bitch. It wasn't very hard to convince them otherwise but that got me in trouble with the guards which was what I was trying to avoid in the first place.

The daily grind continued in this way for months and I was seriously beginning to regret ever doing the right thing. I could've just run like I always do; start a new life in a new place where nobody knows or cares who the fuck I am. That's always been the plan whenever something messes up and I can't take it anymore. That would've been the plan this time around if it hadn't been for this voice in my head telling me that this was the only way I could make it up to the people I'd hurt. Sometimes, I think nothing I ever do will earn me forgiveness, especially from the one person I've set out to hurt again and again. Angel, who's the only person...vampire to visit me since I've been in this place, tells me that it's natural to feel this way and that I have to work through it. I guess he should know. He's been working through shit like this for a hell of a lot longer than I've been around. And I understand feeling like this comes par for course with the territory but I want to make it better instead of doing nothing which is exactly what sitting in jail means. I'd just about convinced myself that I had to break out of prison to make things right again (pretty fucked up logic, I know) when something bailed me out.

The last thing I remember is the lights going on signaling the start of a new day and then everything after that started to get all fuzzy. And when I say fuzzy, I mean 'drank too much, stumbled my way home and then blacked out one step from the bed' fuzzy. The next thing I know, I'm waking up, laid out on the ground, not a single cell block in sight. And I'm naturally freaking out cause the ground isn't concrete like I'd expected but, rather, real freaking dirt which can only mean one thing: I'm not in jail anymore. Why am I not in jail anymore? I didn't stick around to find out. I ran from there as fast as I could and who could blame me? I didn't know how or why I got to be there but I sure wasn't sticking around to find out. I ran until I realized nobody was chasing me but by then, I'd already gotten a few miles under me. And all the time I was running, I kept thinking how great it was that I could do that without going around in circles, penned in by walls topped with barb wire. I missed being free, I missed my life---the part that wasn't all murder and payback.

So when I finally did stop, a big part of me wanted to just keep right on going but I didn't, cause, for one thing, I was lost. Nothing looked familar---not the trees, not the earth, not even the sky. So what was a girl to do when she finds herself in the middle of nowhere, on the run from the cops, and having no idea how she got to be in this situation? I don't know what anybody else would do but I walked over to the nearest highway and hitched a ride with a trucker.

"What are you doing out this way?" Was the first thing out of his mouth after he sized me up.

"Getting in touch with the Girl Scout in me." Smartass remarks were one of the things I tried to cut back on but it wasn't like I could stop cold turkey. But at least he didn't kick me out. Fifteen minutes into the ride, I figured out why. The guy was seriously in need of some companionship...and not _that_type either. He was just lonely---must be...driving rigs from one coast to the next for months on end with nobody to talk to except for the CB. "Where are you heading?" I asked after listening to him talk for awhile.

"Seattle. We should be reaching the outskirts in a couple of minutes. Can't wait until I get there. This'll be my last run for awhile..."

Whatever he said next wasn't getting through my brain cause it was still stuck on that last bit of info like a broken record. Seattle...how the fuck did I get here? I'm sure I didn't run _that_ far. As I'm racking my brain, trying to come up with an explanation to all this, the truck cruises to a stop and I'm left wondering what's going on as we stop behind a line of cars.

"Now what's the matter?" He's looking up ahead, a hair's breadth away from punching his palm down on the horn. "Damn checkpoints are always so slow."

"Checkpoints?" He turns to look at me like I'm slow or something.

"Yeah, checkpoints. How else do you suppose we're going to get through?"

I stare through the front window as we start to move again and I make out the guards with their guns. Since when does entering Seattle require this much security clearance? Doesn't matter though as I jump out the door without another word. The last thing I needed was to stick around and get carted right back to jail. Hitting the ground running, I take off for the surrounding woods, figuring there's got to be another way into the city. As I'm walking, the freakiness of the situation starts to get to me. First I black out only to find myself waking up in the woods and then this shit with the checkpoint. But then I remind myself that I'm a slayer and even though I haven't done such a hot job at it lately, I'm still a slayer which means I should be able to deal with shit like this. What are super powers good for if not to deal with the unexpected situations, right?

Seeing something metallic through the trees, I walk over and extended my senses just in case there was anybody nearby who might feel tempted to butt into my business. It turned out what I saw was a fence which seemed to stretch for miles in both directions. I'll take a wild stab at it and guess this is the equivalent of the Mexican border fence. I almost have to laugh at how easily I scale the sucker but I don't cause some of the barbed wire at the top tears a hole in my pants and it was one of my favorite pairs too. During my stay in prison, I had to show up for these anger management classes cause, one time I broke this girl's arm but those lessons don't seem to have sunk in cause I'm stomping a hole into the fence for ripping one in my clothes. By the time I stop, it looks like a part of it has been driven over by a tank but I still feel like tearing someone's head off.

By the time I get into the city, the anger's almost gone, worn down to a dull edge. As I'm wandering around, I start to notice that everything is different and it's not just cause it's a new city I've never been before. There's definitely something wrong with this place. And that's when I notice something hovering in the air, flying around like some kind of big Frisbee---only it wasn't a Frisbee cause Frisbee's don't sport lights and camera lenses. Nobody else seemed to find this unusual but I'm still backing off cause I don't want anything to do with it. Maybe I should have looked where I was going. The next thing I know I'm down on the ground and some asshole is yelling for me to watch where I'm going. Watch where I'm going? He ran me over with his bike and he's telling me to watch where I'm going? Remember how I said that my anger was almost gone? It's back and it wants to stomp a hole in this guy's ass. So I'm all ready to break something on him when it hits me that I can't. All those months in prison, I kept telling myself how everything was going to change once I got out. That I was going to help people and make amends for what I'd done. Punching every guy that runs into me or pisses me off would just prove I haven't changed at all and it's that thought which scares me more than anything else; that I'm still the old Faith---that I'm still evil.

I let him go, mumble an apology and start to walk away, feeling like total shit. This was a great way to get started on my road to recovery--threatening to beat someone's head in. Wasn't there a twelve step program I can get into like Recovering Evil Slayers Anonymous? I walked around for a while after that, not really knowing where I went or where I was headed. It didn't take that long for me to figure out that not only was this Seattle, it was 2019 Seattle. Considering the circumstances, I think I took that news pretty well but maybe the fact just hadn't sunk in yet. Whatever the reason I didn't freak out, it really didn't matter at the moment. There were other needs I had to take care of, mainly that pesky little hunger issue. I hadn't eaten since yesterday...or was that 19 years ago? All I know is is that it's been a really long time and my stomach is complaining loudly.

I duck into the first dive I come across and it turns out to be a bar or something. I try to blend into the background just trying to figure out what to do next. The only thing wrong with that is that I was never really good at blending in---standing out, I've got down to an art form but blending in? Doesn't work for me so good. Someone immediately walks up to me and it takes a few seconds until I figure out this is the same guy I threatened to kick around the street earlier. Inside, I'm cursing my luck, wondering how it was that of all the places I could've gone, I had to wind up in this place. But I never show it. Instead, I know there's already a smirk in place, just daring him to try and wipe it off. It's an automatic response by now, kind of like a defense mechanism. And then he was talking.

"Hi, sorry about earlier. It was my fault entirely that I ran you over. I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you okay by the way?"

He had that expression on his face---the one that screamed 'I think you're hot. Maybe you and me can have sex later' expression. I'd seen it a hundred times on the faces of enough men that I know how to milk it for all it's worth. So we start going through this routine: he tells me I'm beautiful, I giggle like a schoolgirl and touch him a little just to get him hot and then I suggest, not so subtly that if he wants more from me, he'd better get me some food first. Yeah, the whole routine makes me want to puke but I had no money and I was starving---a girl's gotta eat.

While he was off getting my order, I look around the club, making sure there weren't any vamps or demons that could interrupt my dinner when my eyes flickered over to these two women in the back. They were staring at me and one of them had the same 'fuck me' expression on her face as the guy. I walk over to them knowing that I shouldn't but I couldn't help myself. I'm secretly hoping I can weasel more food out of this situation. I don't know if it's cause I'm a slayer or if it's just me but my stomach has been called a bottomless pit on more than one occasion. And I don't just walk over, I make a big show of it, knowing that I've captured just about everybody's attention in the room with that little swagger but it's all a show to make them want me, to make them want to _be_me. It's so easy slipping back into this same old song and dance. I don't even have to think about it, my body just remembers. Sliding up in front of her, I size her up just as she's doing to me. She's a good couple of inches taller than me with light cocoa skin that makes me want to reach out and taste it and an attitude she wears like a second skin.

"See something you like?" I ask, already knowing her answer. But her friend decides to interrupt just when she's about to say something and I look her over for the first time and I notice she kinda looks like me. There isn't a mirror I could look into and compare feature by feature but there's the same color hair, the same brown eyes, the same shade of lipstick I like to wear...then I realize they're both looking at me like I'm supposed to say something.

So I do. "Say again?"

She gives me this raised eyebrow like I'm jerking around with her but she eventually tells me that "The guy you were just talking to is a friend of ours."

"And..." I have no idea where she's going with this.

"And he has a girlfriend already."

Ohhhh...so what? So he's a dog. I don't know what they expect me to do about it. "He's over there getting me dinner. I don't care if he's got a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or a harem of sex slaves, I'm not about to turn down food."

Turning away from her, I attempt to get back in good with her friend who's still stripping me with her eyes but she's got other ideas, placing a hand on my arm and tightening it. Usually when someone uses that move to try and intimidate me, I'm kinda trying not to laugh in their face cause it just doesn't get to me. But this time, it gets my attention---this time I actually feel it and it hurts.

"Max...be nice." Her friend comes to my rescue as I'm still staring like an idiot down at the hand on my arm. Who was this person and why was she this strong? The only people I know who could be this damn strong are either slayers or vampires and she wasn't a vampire.

"I'll be nice if she is." The girl, Max was saying as she let go of my arm.

"I'm Original Cindy and this little thug is Max. Hope she didn't hurt you."

I nod my head but I stare at Max, still trying to figure out what she is. And then, Mr. Slimebucket comes back with two orders of cheeseburgers and I couldn't care less as I start wolfing down the food. I don't think I have ever eaten anything as good as those two slabs of cow flesh. By the time I finish, which was well under two minutes, chewing and all, everybody's standing there gawking.

Original Cindy is the first one to comment. "Damn, girl! When was the last time you ate?"

I'm tempted to say a couple of years but that would just make me look like a psycho and even if that might be true, they don't need to know that so I just settle for shrugging my shoulders and reaching for the drinks.

"Hey Sketch," Max says to my would be Romeo. "I know you're not trying to cheat on Natalie again---unless you forgot our conversation in which case I'll be happy to go through it with you again."

"No, no, no, no, no," he quickly says, even going so far as to back off a little bit. "No Max. You got the wrong idea of me. I ran over her with my bike this morning and I was just buying her dinner to apologize."

"Well, now that you've done your civic duty, I think it's about time you go home." When he still stands there like an idiot, she makes little shooing motions with her hands until he starts to get the message.

"So now that you've made me lose my meal ticket," I say, finishing off my drink. "I think it's only right that you buy me dinner."

Original Cindy, who I'm just gonna start calling OC from now on just on principle, starts laughing low belly laughs. "Bottomless pit," she mumbles, walking off to hopefully get me some more food. That left me standing next to Max who's trying her best to look bored and smug at the same time---not as easy as it sounds actually. It didn't look like she was inclined to talk so I had to start the conversational ball rolling. I guess introducing myself would be a good start. "My name's Faith by the way."

"Good to know." And she turns away again. I'm getting the distinct feeling she didn't like me---which only makes me want to talk to her some more, if only to annoy her.

"That's some grip you have there. Mind showing me again?"

She turns to me with this oh-so-smug expression on her face, extending her hand for me to take, which I do. Then, she starts squeezing but this time, I'm squeezing right back. _That_ wipes the smirk right off her face and as we keep trying to break each other's hand, OC comes back with my food. I grab it with my free hand right before Max is dragging me outside.

"What are you?" She says as soon as we're alone.

I take a second to swallow before answering. "Not fair. There should be an equal exchange of information. I'll tell you who I am if you tell me _what_ you are." You can tell she's not liking that idea too much. We start walking as she's thinking over her options and then she seems to come to a decision.

"I'm a genetically engineered human being, code named Chimera by Manticore, a secret government project. And you?"

If she thinks that's going to beat my line, she's not thinking straight. "I'm a slayer. Chosen one of my generation to fight the forces of evil which include vampires, demons, and all things apocalyptic."

We look at each other then. I'm not sure what that expression on her face is but I'm just trying not to crack up. This whole situation is too surreal.

"You're joking."

"No, I'm not. What makes my story any less true than yours. Genetically engineered Chimera---sounds like something straight out of a sci-fi movie."

"And vampires and demons are so much more real?" She laughs.

"More real than you obviously think." I can't help but be defensive. After all, it's my profession she's putting down.

After a pause, she says, "I think we started off on the wrong foot. You want to start over?"

How can I say no to that? It's not everyday someone extends me an olive branch.

"So tell me more about these vampires..."

****

We walked all the way to Max's apartment, i.e. the Squatter's Paradise. On our way over there, Max asks me where I was staying and I mumble some standard comment, I'm not even sure what and she's offering me a place to stay. Sometimes, I wonder why people really do the things they do. I mean, what's in it for her letting me leach anyway? Although I have some serious doubts in my mind, I also don't want to spend the night sleeping in an alleyway so I accept.

She sets me up on the couch, tosses me some blankets and I'm all set to get my beauty sleep. She, on the other hand, has other ideas. As soon as I'm settled, she's out the door, saying something about finishing a job. The next morning, she waltzes in, fresh as a daisy and I have to wonder exactly what that "job" was but it's her business and I'm just gonna keep my nose out of it. Her roomie, I didn't catch her name, walks around in her night gown, guzzling coffee and accepts by presence without even batting an eye. Maybe she was used to Max bringing home the strays. Either that or the caffeine hadn't kicked in yet. It's funny how she's walking around like a total zombie while Max is bouncing like a hyperactive kid on a sugar rush. But who am I to speak, I'm not a morning person either---never did understand how anyone could be that perky before noon. And then, as if waking up wasn't enough of a bad way to start the day, some cop busts in right in the middle of me swallowing my coffee and I almost choke to death---I don't, but I think I turned a nice shade of red. Before I can karate chop his ass back to whatever doughnut shop he crawled out of, Max serves him coffee...with a smile and roomie hands over an envelope. I'm starting to think this is a pretty routine occurrence around here.

"He's on our payroll," Max says walking over to me after he leaves.

"Yeah, he's like the landlord only he doesn't fix the plumbing," roomie chips in.

"Never met one that does," I add glibly. "Uh, thanks again for letting me stay here until I can get things settled. As soon as I get some money, I'll pay you back." They both shrug it off and tell me it's no big deal but to me, it is. They're the first people to show me any amount of decency or kindness for a real long time. I know it's my own fault that things got that way and I swear to myself that I'm not going to mess it up this time.

"So what are your plans for today?" Max asks me.

"I don't know. I guess I'll have to find a job."

She smiles like she's just thought of something brilliant. "How are you at handling a bike?"

Max sets me up with a bike that her neighbor owned before he died and straight out tells me I'm going to be a messenger from now on. I tell her that'd be great but I'm going to have a little trouble getting around the city without any papers or ID. This place is full of checkpoints and you can't get anywhere fast without proper clearance. The only way I've been getting around is by sneaking and doing the covert ops thing but it'd be kinda hard to do that lugging a bike with me. Nothing seems to faze her though as she tells me to stay put and that she'll be right back. So, I'm at the apartment right now, just waiting for her. My mind's going nuts as it's handed too much free time and a huge-ass problem to gnaw over. I still had no idea how I time traveled into the future and transported myself across several states in a blink of an eye. Was there a purpose behind this? Was I supposed to do something here? The not knowing was absolutely eating me up inside but at least I was regaining some level of control over my life again. I get up to go make myself another sandwich so I could concentrate on something other than this damn problem when Max's motorcycle catches my eye. I walk over, knowing I shouldn't but when has that ever stopped me from doing anything? I swing my leg over the seat, kick the stand up and I'm in heaven. It just feels so right. I would've driven it out of here right then and there but I don't have the key so I have to settle with imagining just how this baby would handle.

It was right in the middle of this nice daydream that Max walks through the door and we both kinda stare at each other. I slowly get off the bike and tell her the truth. "I couldn't help it."

I can't read what she's thinking but there's the strangest expression on her face. "It suits you." And then, as if snapping out of a trance, she flings a paper bag at me which, when emptied out, contained every conceivable form of ID I'd ever need.

"It's all about the connections," she says as I look up and whistle in admiration.

A little while after that, we're on our way to the messenger center. About half way there, we decide to race. I don't know which one of us actually started it but we were speeding down the road, swerving to avoid cars, bikes, people and each other like it was a derby. If our reflexes weren't as good as they were, I think we would have crashed half a dozen times but, as it was, we made it there without a scratch. Couldn't really say the same about everybody else who had to dive to get out of our way. I hadn't had that much fun in awhile and Max must have liked it too cause she was grinning from ear to ear. Her boss didn't share our good mood though. The first words out of his mouth were "You're late." He looked like Drew Carey without the humor. But as much as an asshole as he probably is, he gave me a job so I couldn't say he was a total dickweed. I'd probably change my mind later though.

Max introduced me around to everybody. OC and Sketch were there too. Sketch didn't have alot to say to me but that was only cause Max stared at him the whole time like she was just waiting for him to say the wrong thing. Meanwhile, OC takes her aside and she doesn't seem too happy either. I take the opportunity to look around the place and if ever there's somewhere that can best be described as controlled chaos, this is it. People are coming and going. The phones are ringing off the hook, there's noise and shouts---I could get to like it here. Mr. Carey or Normal as I think he calls himself shouts at me to get over there and that he's got a package for me to deliver. I guess if I'm gonna keep this job, I'm gonna have to take his smack too but I can dish it out as well as I can take it. Invading his personal space, I take the package from him but not before I "accidentally" step on his foot. I throw on my fakest smile and apologize but we both know I don't mean a word of it. I swallow the genuine grin that's threatening to split my face as I turn around. I'm just loading up my bag when Max comes around, clearly pissed off at something.

"Where's OC?" I ask, looking behind her.

"Doing her job," she snaps at me.

The girl's got moods. "Guess I'd better start doing mine then." And I start to take off but she pulls me back.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay. You don't exactly know the city." Awwww....she's worried about me.

"How hard could it be? I'll be five by five."

****

Thirty minutes later, I'm wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I said that. I must have circled this city twice and I still have no clue where this street is and I _did_ ask for directions---twice. Alot of good that did me. I'm on the verge of giving up when I roll right past this street. Taking a second look at the sign, I can't believe I finally found it. A couple of people turn to stare at me cause I actually do shout with joy but who cares? I found it! My first successful delivery. When I get back to the messenger center, I'm still riding this high but Normal sends me crashing down with two words. "You're late." I wonder if that's his standard greeting instead of just a nice hello and, at the same time, I'm wondering how far I can shove this bike up his ass. By the time I get back from a couple more runs, I think I got a handle on the science of delivery and it was already time for lunch. I'm surprised to see that Max is waiting for me---but she is.

"Everything go all right?" She asks.

"Like I said, everything's five by five." What else am I gonna say? That I got lost for thirty minutes trying to find a stupid street that had been right under my nose the whole time? I don't think so.

"Great, then you can buy me lunch."

I quirk an eyebrow at her but I don't argue. Next thing I know, it's quitting time and we're at the bar again. I pull down a couple of drinks just to get a nice buzz going. Looking across the room to the back, I see that Max and OC are talking together. Whatever went down with them today, they seem to have made up. I take a last swallow of beer and then wander over there.

"Hey," I say getting their attention. "I'm gonna split."

OC shakes her head at me as if I've disappointed her. "It's not even the middle of the night Faith. Where's your self-respect."

"As much as I'd like to kick it some more, I've got some things to take care of." Mainly patrolling. Even in the future, I'm sure there are still vamps running around and it's my job...no, my right to take them down. It also doesn't hurt that I love slaying. That's one of the things I missed most. The chase, the fight, the kill...my fingers itch just thinking about it. And, unlike Buffy, the shinier half of the slayer coin, it was never _just_ a job I had to do. When it came right down to it, slaying was the only good thing left in my life when everything else was taken away...they couldn't take that from me unless they killed me.

"See ya," I say going out the door. I know I saw some wooden crates in the alley next to the bar. I'm not disappointed as I break them into several suitable sized stakes since I hadn't had time to whittle some of my own...actually, I don't think I've ever whittled my own stakes. There was just always some around---like magic. Anyway, I pack the little vampire dusters around my body and prepare to have the most fun I've had since before prison. But, standing in my way is Max

"What are you doing out here?" I ask, walking up to her.

"It was getting stale," she says tilting her head a little. "Can I ask where you're going or is it incommunicado?"

"Incommuni-what? No, I'm just going on patrol."

"You mean hunting."

"Yeah," I say slowly. "You could call it that."

"So is it a strictly one woman act or can I come along? The prospect of seeing a real dead, walking, talking corpse intrigues me---I don't know why."

"It's a real turn on in some circles," I say agreeing to her offer. Why not? She can take care of herself if need be.

From there, we walk for awhile, comfortable in each other's silence. Even though Seattle wasn't a magnet for demonic activity like good old Sunnydale, CA, hellmouth to the world, there were cemeteries and humans here. Put those two elements together and you got a virtual smorgasbord for blood suckers. I let the slayer side of me take over---my senses extend and my built in radar go to work. It wasn't long before we run across two of the undead.

They walk along like they own the place and I could literally see their eyes light up when they spot us. Their gleam must mirror my own and one of them seems smart enough to realize that this smirk on my face isn't some kind of warm welcome. Max was right when she said this was a hunt and there was nothing so sweet as when the prey realizes they're going to die. The two of them switch to game face as they continue to advance on us and I hear the smallest intake of breath next to me. I remember the feeling cause the first time I saw the change, I wasn't nearly so calm. But the two vamps seem confused for a sec when they realize we're not screaming or running scared. That doesn't stop them from charging though and I meet them halfway, wasting no time in throwing a couple hard punches. The rush I feel is incredible and I couldn't begin to put it into words. All I know is, I want this feeling to last forever. That's why I played with them, that's why I didn't stake them when I had the chance, and that's why I welcomed the fight they put up.

Eventually, I get around to staking one of them but the other one---I have him pinned to the ground. I'm sitting on his chest and punching him as hard as I can. I punch until his face is a pulpy mess and I can feel his brain squishing at every hit. Only then do I finally finish him. I take a breath, still riding high on my drug of choice and remember that I'm not alone. Max comes over and gives me a hand to get up. She doesn't say anything at first except to stare at me in that peculiar way she has, like she's analyzing me, putting me under a microscope and finding out what made me tick.

Finally, she opens her mouth. "You show up when you fight, don't you."

It's more a statement than a question and I'm not sure I understand it either. She shakes her head a little when she sees the confused expression on my face. Taking my hand, she leads me away.

Later that night, after a couple more run-ins, Max tells me she wants to take me somewhere. Patrolling together, I was reminded of the times me and B were together---the Chosen Two. I miss B. Alot of nights, I lay awake trying to figure out why I fucked her up so badly. It wasn't even that she killed the Mayor and nearly killed me, I couldn't say we didn't deserve it---trying to bring about the end of the world and all but I still don't know why I focused so much of my hatred on her. Everything I'd done from poisoning Angel, sleeping with her boyfriend, switching bodies, and holding her mom hostage was so she would hurt. Maybe I did it so she would hate me more; hate me as much as I hated myself because I wanted her to love me...I find this stuff running through my head as fucked up as anyone but in a perverted sort of way, it makes sense. Because if she loved me after everything I'd done to her, then I would know her love is unconditional and unbreakable. But it's a moot point cause she doesn't love me, never had loved me, and would definitely not love me now...it doesn't stop me from missing her though.

Max pulls me to a stop in front of an office building and, in the process, rattles me out of my thoughts.

"What are we doing here?" I ask. She pulls me to the side of the building and I notice she's still holding my hand.

"I was a thief...Well, I am a thief. I haven't given it up yet. And one night while I was robbing the apartment of this rich guy, I stumble onto the fact that he's Eyes Only who's this do-gooder---fight the power, help the little people, y'know? And we kinda have a deal going where he helps me locate the kids that managed to escape from project Manticore and I help him with his do-gooding."

"Batman and Robinesque."

"What?"

"Nothing. But why are you telling me this now?"

"I don't know." And it seems like she's really having trouble with that fact. Maybe because she seems to be in control more times than not. She pulls me over to a door which she opens with no problem and, from there, we go all the way up to the roof. I watch as she attaches a metal ring onto this wire that goes from our building all the way to the building across the street.

"Coming?"

I move up next to her as she wraps her arm tightly around my waist and the next thing I know, we're zipping across the sky, landing on the roof of the other building.

"Ever occur to you to just use the door?" I ask still wrapped up in her embrace.

"I'm a cat burglar," she says, purring in my ear. "I have a reputation to maintain."

After a good slay, I'm always hungry and horny as I tell anyone who's willing to listen and her purring in my ear...I issue a grunt. That's the only way I can express the way I'm feeling. Pulling her against me, I look into her eyes and I know that if I just lean over a little, I would feel her lips on mine, if I would just lean over---

I step back, breaking her grip on me. Why did I do that?

I scream at myself but I'm not even sure why. Was it for backing up or even thinking to do it in the first place?

"Faith?" There's concern in her voice and I can't stand it being there because I didn't deserve it. I can't even look at her and I know that I'm on the brink of a mental meltdown---just like before. It comes at me so fast and so hard, it's like a physical punch to my stomach. But why now? She takes my hand and leads me down as I concentrate on just putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, we get to this room and she sits me on the couch as she goes off, calling for someone named Logan. I close my eyes then, feeling the guilt wash over me, only it's a hundred times worse than I ever remember feeling.

It was like I was dreaming and no matter what I did, I couldn't keep my head above water long enough to drink in the air. And just when I think I couldn't fight it anymore, someone pulls me into a hug and I know it's Max---she's the only thing I can hold onto so I held on. With everything I had left, I held on.

****

"I'm sorry."

Those were the first words out of my mouth and it startles the other two people in the room. Max comes over to sit next to me and the guy in the wheelchair who I'm assuming is Logan, rolls himself over too.

"I just...I-I don't know. I'm just sorry." I feel Max's hands on my face as she pulls me in again, settling my head against her chest and, this time, like before, I instinctively wrap my arms around her and hold on. And even though I still feel like someone's twisting a piece of rusted metal around in my stomach, it's not as bad as before. I move to back away after a minute, not because I didn't want to stay there but because I was afraid I wanted to stay there too much.

"Hey," I say to the guy who's not looking comfortable at all. It's not right since it's his pad and no one should look uncomfortable in their own place.

He nods and smiles at me and I notice for the first time how hot he is. Damn, stop thinking like that.

"Faith, is it?" He asks. "My name's Logan--"

Max interrupts him. "She know who you are. I told her everything...everything."

One thing I gotta say about the guy; he sure knows how to mask his emotions cause I can't see a flicker of anything passing across his face. But when he opens his mouth---well, that's another story. His voice cracks before he grits his teeth and asks to see Max in the other room. As if I couldn't guess what they're going to be talking about. I can't believe how bad I broke down and in front of two people I barely even knew too...Max was all right but Logan? Great first impression, Faith. Like they really needed to know what a psycho I was so soon off the bat. I guess I can't help but screw up---just take a look at my family tree. Bunch of losers and criminals, all of 'em but then I fit the bill to a tee, don't I?

Just then, Max comes back trailed by Logan and she winks at me. Why did she wink at me? "I told him what you were," she says, back still towards Logan. "And, bottom line is, he wants your help with his hobby and he's willing to pay you alot of money to do it."

:"What do you say Faith? Do we have a deal?" Now I know why Max was winking. This is really starting to remind me of how I sold out and sided with the mayor. At first, it was only for the money and a way to screw over the Scoobies but then I got sucked in so deep, all I cared about was to make everybody around me feel as completely miserable as I was and, if I died doing it, so what? But this wasn't the same. I'd be helping people and that was the most important point for me.

But even though I was gonna do it anyway, the money sure wouldn't hurt."I hope you're as rich as Max says you are."

When we get back to the apartment, I immediately head for the couch, feeling as though every bit of energy's been drained out of me and all that's left is this dried out energy-less imitation of me.

"Hey," Max says softly, standing there in the dark. "If you want, you can share my bed. I mean, that is, the couch can't be too comfortable."

I have to agree with her that this couch _is_ a bitch and the prospect of a large bed tempts me like a carrot to a donkey. It takes me all of five seconds to push down the doubts I have and accept her offer. Following her into her bedroom, I strip off my clothes which are actually hers since she lent them to me this morning, all the way down to my underwear. I get onto the bed and let out this happy little sigh as my body comes into contact with soft, comfy goodness. I feel Max getting onto the other side of the bed but I'm already starting to drift off and I barely take notice. Before I can totally fall asleep though, Max calls my name and I snap awake in that really annoying way where you feel yourself falling back into your body at 100 miles per hour.

"W-What?" I ask, rubbing a hand across my eyes.

"Faith, what happened tonight?"

Oh no. She wants to talk. Just what I need right before bed, a serious discussion. "I don't know Max. You were there too. We slayed, I met your friend and, in between, I had a break down...Logan's hot by the way, you've got good taste."

"Yeah, thanks but there's nothing going on between us--"

"Right. You're just good friends." And just in case she didn't get the sarcastic edge in my voice, I scoff for good measure. Never thought I'd actually scoff.

"Faith? Are you trying to change the subject? I want to know what happened with you."

"I've got issues I have to work through," I say, borrowing a line from my counselor. "Don't worry, it's not gonna happen again."

"I'm not talking about that. Right before that...episode, you were going to kiss me, weren't you? I could see it in your eyes."

I stare straight up, knowing that if I turned my head, I'd see her eyes on me. "It's amazing how slaying always makes you hungry and horny. That must've been what you saw Max."

I hear nothing but silence from her for a long while and I can't help but look over just to see if she's buying it. As I knew she would be, she's staring at me and I put a smirk on my face just to see what she'd do. What she did was to climb on top of me---I didn't expect that but I tried not to show it, making believe like this kind of thing happened to me all the time. It doesn't but that's only cause I'm usually the one on top.

She searches my eyes and I don't have a clue what she's looking for but it feels good with her weight on my stomach. It feels even better when she bends over from her waist, stretching her body out over mine.

"Why did you pull away from me before?" She asks. I don't know if I was dreaming but I could swear there was this tiny note of hurt in her voice.

A sigh escapes my lips and I really don't want to get into the fucked up reasons why I do what I do when I feel like shit warmed over. In fact, it's about the last thing I want to get into period. But I owe her so if she wants to take a tour through my warped mind, then that's just what she's going to get. "It reminded me of some things I'd done before and...I just got scared that everything was just going to repeat again. It was like my past was catching up and I couldn't run fast enough to get away."

"And I brought all this up for you?"

"No, no...I don't know," I finally admit rather lamely. But as I feel her shift, getting ready to roll off, my hands which had wandered across her back, tightened. "But I don't care. You know what it is to be different Max. And you know how it feels to be used because of that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I--"

I didn't even get to finish whatever it was I was trying to get out because my lips and my tongue were being used for some other purpose entirely. She was kissing me and damn, if I wasn't kissing her back. Her lips were so soft; everything about her was soft and I couldn't get enough of it. I swallowed a moan when I felt her grinding slowly on top of me. I wasn't able to think anymore. My thoughts were jumbled, my heart was racing, and my whole world came down to her.

****

I lie here awake with my eyes closed trying to imprint the details of everything we'd done into my mind. Why was I doing this? I mean, it was just sex, right? Nothing but a release---just a hormonal thing. So why am I lying here feeling like my life had just changed and gotten a hundred times better all because of this woman who was wrapped up in my arms right now?

"I love you Max." The words came out of nowhere, whispered so softly that I thought I had only said it in my mind.

Max stirred, propping herself up on an elbow and looked down at me with an expression I hoped she'd only ever give to me because if I saw her looking at anyone else like that, I think I'd have to get seriously violent on that person. She kissed my chin and then moved her lips next to my ear. "I love you too Faith."

I've been waiting to say those words to someone my whole life and even though I hadn't meant to say them out loud just now, I'm glad I did cause I realize I meant every word of it.

She kisses me one more time and then gets up to go to the bathroom. I miss her already and I know some part of me is busting a gut laughing at how touchy-feely I'm getting all of a sudden but I don't care because she's going to come back in here soon and then she'll be in my arms again.

I smile when she comes back a few minutes later but my happy mood is destroyed when she tells me she has to go out and get some pills.

"Can't you get them later? What kind of pills are they anyway?" My voice has taken on this annoyingly whiny tone but so what? How can she just dump me here after what we'd just done so she can go get some stupid pills.

"I don't have time to explain now. I'll tell you when I get back."

And just like that, she's out the door. That part of me that busted out laughing is in stitches now. Get some, get gone Faith. That's the way it's supposed to be for people like you but you wanted more and now you get burned for it, the voice tells me, filling my head with its shouted accusations. And I can't do anything but agree even though I want to defend her, make excuses for her. But I've been through this routine too many times already and I don't think I can take another rejection, especially from Max. So instead of waiting around for her to come back and throw me out while asking me how I could think it meant anything to her, I decided to let myself out. Getting dressed, I'm about to slink out of there before the last shreds of my dignity get wiped across the floor when I run into roomie.

"Where are you off to so early?" She asks and I realize it's morning. Fucking unbelievable how much of my heart has been shredded in so little time.

"Look, I'm leaving Seattle. There's a few old haunts I've been meaning to visit again....anyway, thanks for helping me out..."

I leave her there, calling after me but I don't look back cause it's easier this way. Always easier not to see what you've left behind cause there's the chance you won't miss it so much.

I try not to think so much as I'm making my way out of the city. All I know is, I have to get to Sunnydale and that's what I concentrate on. That's also the reason why I don't hear my name being called until the person yelling it is standing right in front of me.

Oh Fuck!

As if thing's aren't bad enough, there's an angry looking Buffy standing a foot from me, staring daggers into my eyes. She takes my arm in an iron grip and pulls me around the side of a shack.

"What did you do Faith?" She asks, shoving me up against a wall, her fingers digging in deeper into my flesh. "Did the Mayor give you another gift?"

I'm stunned silent for a moment before the pain prompts me to say something. "B, I don't have anything to do with this. You have to believe me."

"Why should I? Your track record speaks for itself."

"I swear I didn't do this. I was in jail when I blacked out and the next thing I know, I'm in the woods outside of the city." I look into her eyes, trying to project sincerity and it's not too hard cause, this time, I'm actually telling the truth.

She looks me right back as if trying to peel my skin away but she finally let's go of my arm and I immediately try to rub the circulation back.

"So if it wasn't you, who did it?"

Shaking my head, I admit I have no answers for her but I can't help but say, "Maybe it was one of your _other_ enemies." That earns me a stare that could curl the linoleum on the floor, if there was any.

"We have to find out who did this to us," she says. I nod in support but without knowing squat about squat, I'd say we were screwed.

Her eyes suddenly narrow as she looks me over. "You're clean," she states accusingly.

"Yeah?" I say slowly, not really understanding what my hygienic habits had to do with anything. But then, I look her over, I mean really looked and, she's a mess. Dirt was streaked across her clothes and even caked in parts of her hair, her pants looked ripped up and ready for the garbage bin, her eyes had dark circles underneath like she hadn't slept in days. "You look bad," I say stating the obvious. "What happened?"

"I got chased around by the border police and you?"

"A trucker picked me up and I sneaked into the city." That seemed to be enough of an explanation for her as she nods. "Uh...B, you got a..." I pick the leaf off her front side. She mutters a thanks and it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to see she's dead on her feet. I have to make the offer because this was Buffy we're talking about. "You wanna get cleaned up?" Her whole entire attitude perks up as she looks at me with a 'you better not be jerking me around' face. "I met these people yesterday," I say, biting off each word. "I think they'll let you use their shower.

I end up leading her back to the apartment, each step leading me closer to Max until we finally stop at their door. I'm about to knock when it swings open.

"Where were you?" Max asks, pulling me into a hug. "Why did you leave? Kendra said you were leaving the city and I was just going to go after you, and if you ever do this again, I'll rip your lungs out and hang them out the window."

I couldn't say anything. My mouth just refused to work because my brain was too busy trying to come to grips with what Max was saying. She pulls away a little, taking my head between her hands so she can look me in the eyes. I can see there's as much relief and hurt there as I'm feeling right now.

"I'm sorry." The words are thick on my tongue like they're almost too big for me to choke out. As if following a hidden cue, we lean towards each other, our lips coming into contact, giving into a long, sweet kiss that lets me know how stupid I was to listen to that voice in my head. I rest my forehead against hers as we finally part, amazed that she still wants me around.

"Oh, yeah," I add, almost as an afterthought. "Can my friend use your shower?" I turn to look at Buffy who's trying real hard to look like she's not looking.

****

For some reason, B doesn't seem to want to leave me alone. She insists on sticking to me like glue, even going on some deliveries with me. I guess she doesn't trust me but who could blame her? It's not like I haven't taken her trust in the past and stomped on it, cause I have. So, I put up with it.

When I come back to take my break, B is waiting there like I knew she would be but I don't see Max anywhere.

"You bored?" I ask, just to start some conversation going.

"No, it's just barrels of fun around here," she answers sarcastically. "In between playing with tires, I can talk to Normal who's _such_ a nice guy."

"Have you seen Max around?" I ask, not really listening.

"Not since this morning." She pauses a minute as if trying to get something difficult out. "When did you start batting for the other team anyway?"

I look at her till she shifts uncomfortably and I could've said something but what's the point? I don't really want to get into it right now.

"Normal!" I yell towards the boss man. "Do you know where Max is?"

"No! And I've been paging her all morning. If you see her, tell her to get her butt back here, pronto."

I'm really starting to worry now and before I can figure out what to do next, I spot OC coming in and for the third time in 2 minutes, I ask, "OC! You know where Max is?"

"Girl's split," she says coming up to me.

"What? What happened?"

"Kendra and me were doing an intervention--"

"An intervention?"

"Yeah, cause she's been popping those pills of hers like candy. She even took the hush money for the cop to buy this crap. So we flushed her pills down the toilet and then she just split."

"She probably went to buy more. Do you know who her supplier is?"

After she gives me a name, I'm out the door, speeding to the shop and hoping that Max will still be there. And to my relief, she is.

"Max!" I yell before I even stop. She looks like she's about to lay the hurt on some woman as I jump off the bike and run over to the two of them. "What's going on?"

"She was just about to tell me where she gets those pills." Not even looking at me, she tightens her grip on the woman's collar.

"In the hospital...I know someone there who still prescribes them."

Max lets go and starts walking away.

"Hey, where are you going?" I ask, taking her arm.

"To the hospital. Where else?" She's shaking all over and looks like she can barely walk, let alone try and steal some pills.

"Look. Here's how it's going to work. I'll go to that hospital. I'll take the pills and then I'll meet you back at the apartment. Then you're going to tell me what those pills do." I wait until she nods before kissing her lightly on the lips. "And tell B not to worry _too_ much about me," I add with what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

****

The hospital's no problem to get into and as I'm walking through the halls picking my way around people who are either just sitting there half-dead or screaming their heads off from pain, I can't help but think that the system has really fallen into some major suckage. A door marked supply on the second floor lures me in and I start looking through all the labels until I find a big, white bottle that looks right. Piece of cake is what I'm thinking walking out the door---walking right into a hospital worker who's just standing there like he's caught himself some great big trophy fish.

Turning around, I see they've got me surrounded so a peaceful solution was clearly not going to work---I'm not much of a talker anyway. Kicking one of them in the stomach, I backhand the other one and run down the hallway towards the stairs but one of the little shits trip me up. I end up falling flat on my face cause my hands are still wrapped around the bottle and as I try to get back up, someone lands on my back and I can hear more guys coming to help. A stupid job---get the pills, get out, and I get caught. I grit my teeth as some of them get too enthusiastic in hauling me up, almost dislocating my shoulder in the process.

"Watch the fucking arm!" I yell. And, as expected, they just get rougher. Damn, I hope Max will be all right. Maybe Logan will help her...at least more than I did.

They take me to the police station which isn't really that far from the hospital. From there, I'm left sitting on a bench with a bunch of other people, waiting for the cops to do their job.

"What are you in for?" A guy sitting next to me asks. He's dressed like a pimp and looks like a linebacker but he's got a nice smile.

"Getting caught. You?"

"Cannibalism. Ate my parents." He says it so deadpan that, for a second, I almost believe him. "Actually, I own a shop that specializes in pre-pulse clothes---from tuxedos, glam dresses, silk scarves, shoes. Anyway, I put up a poster for a police brutality meeting in the front window. Next thing I know, I'm here."

At least that explained the clothes. "You wouldn't happen to have any leather pants in your inventory, would you?"

He smiles and I know we're on the same wavelength but before we can continue talking fashion, a cop comes by and takes me to get booked. I get fingerprinted, photographed, and felt up as they pat me down. All in all, it's the same old bull. Then I get tossed in the jail---Why isn't anybody in a cell. Everybody's in their own clique, the guards are somewhere I guess, and it looks like a small village instead of what it actually is.

"Stick close to me," the big guy from earlier says. I guess he feels like he needs to protect me and it's kinda sweet. We find a space in the back where we can sit.

"I need to get out of here," I tell him.

"You and me both."

"No. I mean it. I'm going to escape."

"There's a big fence with razor wire on top that'll tell you different."

"Just show me there and I'll handle the rest." He nods but I can tell he thinks I'm crazy.

When night finally rolls around, he sneaks me outside and points at the fence that's standing between me and Max. But to even get to that point, I need to avoid the search lights and the guards in the tower with their rifles.

"Thanks big guy. I'll see you on the other side."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"This? It's a piece of cake."

I really should stop saying that cause it's not. And if it were cake, it'd be a really rotten one which nobody eats. The searchlights are easy and I get past them fine. The fence is no big either and I'm almost to the top when someone in the tower spots me. I hear them yelling for me to stop. As if. I get ready to jump the razor wire when shots start to ring out and something hits me on my side. I try holding on but I feel myself slipping and, next thing I know, I'm on the ground surrounded by guards.

Part 2