Title: Day's End
Author: Lowdeen
Disclaimer: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, and Mutant Enemy. The story contains love between two women, so if such things offend you, are illegal where you live or whatever, please don't read it and upset yourself. It'll make life easier on all of us.
Spoilers:Up to and including the fourth season episode, "Restless"
Author's Notes: This is the sequel to my fic, "Lost and Found". If you don't read that first, you probably won't understand this.
Rating: PG-13

For the next couple of days, there wasn't much in her life that wasn't weird. To recount, Willow had done a spell showing her how her life could have turned out had certain events happened. It had started out as a game to relieve the summer doldrums but it turned out to be more than any of them had bargained for. For all intents and purposes, she had lived over three weeks in one hour. Three very intensely emotional and all-consuming weeks that saw the blossoming of a relationship along with its bitter death. She didn't really understand how it worked but when she was there, she didn't remember her life here...at least not the Riley or the spell part. Yet, when she came back, all her memories of both worlds became clear. So now, she walked around in somewhat of a daze as events, occurrences, faces, and conversations blurred together until her attempts to separate what did happen and what didn't resulted in a major headache of epic proportions. This made her irritable which, in turn, gave off a clear signal for her friends to avoid her.

And aside from the task of categorizing and sorting through these memories, there was Faith---always Faith. She didn't even remember a time when this girl wasn't on her mind. She struggled with herself trying to identify her true feelings for the other slayer. Did she hate her for trying to kill Angel and sleeping with Riley? Did she hate her for betraying her trust and going to the mayor? Did she hate her for literally trying to take over her life?...If she answered yes to any of these questions, would lightning strike her down where she stood? Riley was off getting debriefed and Faith sat in jail awaiting sentencing. There was a parallel to their situations somewhere but she didn't feel up to pondering it. Neither one knew what had happened to her, not like she'd know where to begin explaining anyway. At least, for now, she'd have time to think over what to do, if anything needed to be done that is. Everything would be so much simpler if she could just forget what happened in the other world, if there were no doubts in her mind that Riley was the only one she loved. but, of course, clarity would be too much to ask for in her life. And even if she could take it all back, would she even want to? A resounding "No!" answered her and, for a moment, she thought it was all in her head until a second scream pierced the night air. Another night, another slay. Kicking it into high gear, she footed it over to the cemetery. Why was anybody in there anyway? Were they admiring the gravestones or did the atmosphere appeal to them? Sunnydale's residents were a kooky bunch.

Later that night found an irritated slayer tossing and turning in her bed, unable to find any kind of rest. The questions tumbled every which way in her head, keeping her awake and frustrated. If for nothing else than to get a good night's sleep, she'd have to resolve these issues. but thinking about it and doing it are, as everyone knows, two completely different endeavors. Since it didn't look like the Sandman would be visiting her tonight, there was no reason she could see to stay in bed. Scrounging around in the fridge and pantry, she put together a decent size sandwich and planted herself on the couch for a midnight snackfest. It temporarily took her mind away from her problems and the rest of the night was spent channel surfing through the myriad of infomercials that always seemed to dominate the late night TV landscape. By the start of the next day, she was contemplating the merits of buying one of those grills endorsed by the ex-boxer as well as settling on the decision to go to LA. It was past due to make her peace with Faith plus she missed the other girl. Part of her was appalled by her own desire but it was overshadowed by the much larger part that held the figurative middle finger up to any and all disapproval. What was wrong with wanting to see Faith, her friend and her lover? A million answers rushed up to fill the void left by this particularly thorny question but she managed to block all of it out.

*****

The next morning found Buffy and the entire gang heading to LA. Tara, Willow, Xander, Anya, and the slayer were all traveling to the big city on a ratty Greyhound bus. Once they were aware of Buffy's plans, Willow and Xander had immediately suggested that they all go on a mini-vacation, sort of an extenuation to their bonding experience. She hadn't yet told them that the main reason she was going there in the first place was to speak to Faith. That would've only prompted them to ask questions she wasn't ready to answer yet. And of course the accusations and anger would rain down like a summer squall. Eventually, they'd find out but, in the meantime, she wasn't going to hurry the process along any faster.

Throughout the past couple of hours, Willow had made some none too subtle comments designed to draw out the vision Buffy had had during the spell but the slayer had, in turn, suggested none too subtly that she'd discuss it only when she was ready to. The verbal push and pull continued on with each contestant hoping to wear out the other while the spectators grew ever more restless.

Anya finally turned around with a barely suppressed glare to shush them. "Can you not talk? You're annoying and boring!" She added a throwaway 'Please' at Xander's embarrassed nudging but at least, for the rest of the trip, it was relatively quiet. They arrived at their motel with no further incidence and everybody immediately started making group plans. Buffy made up some excuse about visiting Angel and quickly left before anyone had time to comment.

"She just got here and now she's left to visit the ex?" Xander groused to no one in particular. "What happened to group bonding time?"

"Well we can still bond." Anya suggested meaningfully. The horny couple left for their room in a flash, leaving Willow and Tara behind.

"What do you want to do now?" Tara asked sitting on the bed.

******

Buffy stood in the visitor's area of the holding center, nervously waiting for the guard to bring Faith out. All through the trip, she had tried to visualize this moment. What would she say? What would Faith say? How would they react? Would it be with the same animosity they had shown each other in the past and with which she herself had showcased with such bitchy splendor the last time she was here? Thinking back on that episode made her squirm uncomfortably. She had wanted the other girl to hurt as much as she had been hurt and judging from the wounded expression on Faith's face when her apology was soundly rejected and stomped on, the goal had been achieved all too well. She only hoped the damage could be repaired because, even if Faith probably didn't love her like her doppelganger, the least they could be were friends. However, all thoughts of a platonic relationship flew out the window when the other slayer walked into the room escorted by a burly guard. Something in her sat up whimpering happily as a smile involuntarily surfaced on her face.

When the brunette realized who was visiting her, a wary expression made her feelings clear. It wasn't like she didn't want to see Buffy. On the contrary, most of her waking moments were spent mulling over the best way t make it up to the blonde. But that didn't mean she was ready or willing to take another verbal lashing no matter how much she might deserve it; she was nobody's whipping girl. She waited nervously for the other shoe to drop but the older slayer just continued smiling like she was happy to see her or something which only served to wig her out even more. Was this the same person who had paid an earlier visit for the sole purpose of seeking vengeance?

"How have you been?" Buffy finally asked just to break the silence and to hear the other girl speak.

"It ain't first class accommodations but it ain't all bad either...Not like I don't appreciate seeing you again B, cause I do, but what are you doing here?"

"Before I tell you, can I ask you something?" She decided to lay all her cards out on the table, no matter how crazy it'd make her look. When the other girl nodded somewhat reluctantly, Buffy took a deep breath and asked matter of factly if she liked her in "that" way. As juvenile as it sounded, the blonde was reasonably sure that she had gotten her point across.

Faith sat down heavily as she pondered the question. Why had B come all the way down here to mess with her head? If that was her intention, she could have saved herself the trip and phoned instead. "What makes you think I like you like 'that'?" She fired back derisively, trying to regain her composure only to lose it once again when she witnessed the sudden transformation from slightly hopeful to dejectedly crushed playing across Buffy's features. She wished for nothing more than to strangle her own words, but they were already out there. She watched in dismay as the petite slayer turned around, hugging herself tightly and it was then that she hated herself, hated herself for not having the words to make it all better. She knew if she opened her mouth again, it'd only make things worse so she said nothing and remained mute, hoping Buffy would speak again, if only to yell at her.

But there would be no yelling to assuage her guilt. The blonde tried to hold back her emotions by biting her bottom lip, almost tasting the blood on her tongue. Repeating the mantra 'I will not break down' over and over in her head, she reasoned with herself; of course Faith would react like this. Who in their right mind wouldn't be suspicious? And it wasn't like she was doing the best job of explaining the situation. But the rationalizations didn't really help much when all she wanted was for Faith to wrap her arms around her and assure her she still loved her. The self-pity wasn't helping matters any so, pulling on her reserves, she turned back around and said quietly, "I love you Faith." She figured, to get something, you had to give something first, so she gave in the form of a confession.

If B was trying to fuck with her head, she was doing a damn good job. The brunette was prepared for anything but that statement totally rocked her. It was a good thing she was already sitting cause there was no doubt she would've fallen flat on her butt otherwise. So B loved her. It still didn't sound right. Maybe she just didn't want to believe it because if she did let that thought sneak its way into her heart, it'd be that much more painful when things fell apart like they always did. She didn't even know she had spoken but B answered her so something must have come out of her mouth.

"Because you make me better. And even though we might argue and fight, it doesn't matter because I need you in my life Faith."

"Hold it, chill for a second!" The dark haired slayer said standing up. "What's with the sudden change of heart? As I remember it, the last time we saw each other, you were ready to throw me to the lions. Don't leave me out of the loop B. What happened to you? Why do you ....love....me?"

Buffy took another deep breath and settled herself down, motioning for Faith to take a seat. She'd probably be better off sitting when she heard this story.

*****

"Willow, wake up."

The red head murmured something unintelligible and refused to wake.

"C'mon Will. I think Buffy's back." That got her attention. Rolling over onto her back, she looked up at the half-smiling visage of her girlfriend.

"Oh....hey."

"Hey." They spent the next couple of minutes just looking contentedly at each other but Tara finally tore her gaze away which prompted Willow to get up.

"How long has she been gone?"

"Two...three hours."

Knocking on Buffy's door, they waited expectantly...and waited...and waited...and waited.

"Are you sure she came back?" Willow asked after the umpteenth knock.

"I heard her come in. Maybe..." Tara tried the door knob which twisted easily in her hand. "...the door's unlocked."

Willow hesitantly pushed open the door and discovered that, indeed, there was someone in the room. Lying on the bed in fact.

"Buffy, are you all right?"

The slayer laid flat on her back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. She made no acknowledgement at her friend's intrusion. She barely blinked and when she answered that everything was fine, no one could blame Willow's disbelief. The hollow assurance most definitely signaled that, no, everything was not all right despite the words to the contrary.

"So, how's Angel?" She tried drawing the blonde out with more questions but Buffy just gave a detached "Huh?"

"Angel, you said you were visiting him" which only earned a non-committal "Yeah." Frustrated at how the conversation or lack thereof was progressing, Willow knelt down and shook Buffy's shoulder. It seemed to work as she got the slayer to sit up and actually look at her this time.

"I'm sorry Will. I lied to you. I know I shouldn't have but I knew you'd wig out in a big way if I didn't."

"Lied to me?" The redhead was really confused now. Buffy's explanation wasn't making any sense. What had she lied about; _why_ had she lied?

"Everything's so screwed up. It's like they've been screwed up for so long, there's no way to untangle the mess any longer and I'm so tired of trying."

"Buffy, slow down. I don't understand what you're saying."

"It's the spell" Tara interjected. When they both looked at her at once, she ducked her head. "That's why you've been acting like this. Because whatever happened to you while you were under has imprinted itself so deeply that you can't forget it. You're conflicted." Willow looked back at her best friend in time to see her nodding unhappily at the assessment.

"Can you get Xander? I want to tell you guys what happened." And when the group was all gathered, Buffy told her story for the second time that day. The reaction she got was pretty much the same as the first, only without the cursing.

"So wait. Let me get this straight" Xander said, gesturing wildly with his hands. "Faith stabs you and kills you but you love her anyway?"

"It was an accident and, yes, I love her."

"I can't believe I'm saying this but, I thought you guys broke up over that Dany chick."

"Something happens to me when I'm with Dany. It's like I'm watching someone else doing these things and it's not till I'm away from her that I realize it was me doing them all along. I mean, I still can't believe how I acted..."

"Buffy, this isn't the same Faith--"

"Au contraire Will. This _is_ the same Faith. They both have homicidal tendencies. They've both tried to kill Buffy but one just got luckier than the other. They're both psycho loons who deserve to be locked up for life!"

"Take that back." Buffy stared dangerously up at Xander who stood his ground and met her glare with one of his own.

"No, I will not take it back. I'm not just going to forget what she did to us because you've suddenly developed the hots for her. Do I have to remind you that you have a boyfriend already. The guy's only gone a few days and you've already replaced him?"

"I didn't forget him."

"What do you call this? You're not exactly crying your eyes out."

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Then don't. I thought we came down here to bond but I guess you have better things to do."

Buffy winced at the hurtful words as Xander stormed out of the room trailed by his girlfriend.

"You understand, don't you Will?"

Willow tried hedging the question and when that didn't work, made up an excuse to leave. When all was said and done, Buffy was left alone with no one.

[In Xander's room]
Xander was sulking on the bed which was a bad 'cause, to Anya, it meant he'd be in no mood for fun or sex. "What's the big deal who she dates?"

"It normally wouldn't but we're talking Faith here...Faith!" He thought the very word itself would be enough to convince anyone of his point but Anya just shrugged like it was no big deal.

[In Willow's room]
"You don't just shrug when Faith's name is mentioned. That's like shrugging at a pitbull, a very rabid pitbull. You can't just pooh-pooh it cause it'll bite you when your back is turned."

"You do know her better than I do but don't you think you're overreacting? She did turn herself in, that counts for something doesn't it?"

"Am I supposed to clap for her because, for once in her life, she does the right thing?"

"Will, do you hear what you're saying?"

[Xander's room]
"I don't care, that's how I feel."

"All right. Whatever. What do I care? It's not like it's my heart you're breaking." Anya sat down and turned on the TV.

"Wait, what are you talking about? Whose heart am I breaking?" He stood in front of Anya, blocking her view.

"Buffy's of course. I don't know how you'd feel but if I told my friends I was in love with someone and they blew up in my face, I'd feel pretty bad. But that's just me...Honey, can you move? You're in my way."

[Willow's room]
"What am I supposed to do then Tara? Welcome her with open arms?"

"No, but maybe you can give her a chance. If you're not going to do it for Faith, do it for Buffy. She needs you to be there for her right now."

*****

"Seems like you're Ms. Popular today." The guard said walking towards her. "There's someone else to see you. Let's go."

The last thing Faith wanted to do was see anyone else, especially considering what took place earlier that day. But she complied and followed the guard to the visitor's area. She was half-expecting to see the blonde slayer again but found a dark haired vampire instead.

"Faith. How are you doing?"

"I'm not dead yet. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing."

"Something happen?"

"Kind of."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"I'm not sure you'd want to hear what I got to say."

"Try me. I've heard my share of bad stuff."

She highly doubted he'd be prepared for this though, but there was no denying she wanted to talk to someone so she told him what Buffy had told her. Once she had finished, she waited apprehensively for Angel to respond. "You gonna say something?"

"What did you say to her?" His expression gave nothing away even though it must have been hard hearing that the love of your life had moved on with hers.

"That's the thing. I totally looped out. She just dumped it on me all at once...what did she expect?"

"I think she expected you to tell her how you feel about her."

"How am I supposed to do that if I don't even know myself?"

"The only reason people say they don't know is because they're afraid to find out."

"Look, can you just tell her I'm sorry for blowing up at her...please?"

After Angel assured her that he would, Faith went back to replaying the events of the day in her head. Whichever way she played it, it always ended with B's tear stained face right before she got up and left. This was the last thing she needed now. It was her time to pay everybody back for what she had done and Buffy comes in and drops something else on her plate. Buffy said she loved her. So what? Was she supposed to be grateful? Get down on her knees and say she felt the same way? It wasn't gonna happen, not in this lifetime. Although, if she was really honest with herself, she'd have to admit that the revelation wasn't all bad. She'd be lying if she said she didn't feel anything for her fellow slayer but it wasn't anything close to the emotion of love...at least that's what she thought. But who even knew what she thought anymore. Certainly, for damn sure, she didn't, no matter what Angel said.

*****

What was she doing in LA? The question cycled over and over in an annoying loop like a broken record. But it was a valid question nonetheless. Now, If she could only find a valid answer, she'd be set to go. She could think of a lot of reasons why she shouldn't be here. In fact, she'd already compiled a mental list and numero uno on the top went as follows: Nobody wanted her here, not her friends and certainly not Faith. Kicking a stray can out of her path, she continued walking down the street. The need for some air had overwhelmed her after the pow wow she had just had. Could it have gone any worse? Could her whole trip have gone any worse? She came down here, expecting at the very least to be welcomed with open arms by Faith. The thought had never occurred to her that instead of a warm hug, she'd be greeted with cold indifference. And since Buffy had always assumed it would be her choice whether they got together or not, the reality that it actually took two people to decide on a relationship was a shocker. So should she just give up on it? Tuck her tail between her legs and limp back home? Well...yeah. That's exactly what she'd do...if she wasn't who she was. So the final answer was no, she wouldn't leave no matter how much everybody disapproved which led to the second bullet point on her list: Riley.

A couple of weeks ago, she would have said he was the genuine article. Someone any girl would have been proud to bring home to mom. Aside from the militaristic, undercover, double life he'd led up until a few days ago, this was still more or less true. But did she feel the same way about him now as she did then? It was hard to admit that she didn't, cause he was such a nice guy and it wasn't his fault that she was in love with someone else now. Even if things didn't work out with Faith, she couldn't be with him anymore---it just didn't feel right and it was clear now that they had rushed into their relationship with their eyes blindfolded. The third item on the list, if it ever got that far, concerned Faith's foreseeable future, or more correctly, her lack of one. She'd have to speak with Angel about that. He would know more about the situation and hopefully, he wouldn't bite her head off when he found out why she was so concerned.

During the course of her meanderings, she had somehow walked in a complete cirlcle, leading her back to where she started. Looking at the motel made her even more depressed. Its sterile, antiseptic atmosphere weighed down on her mood as she plodded back to her room. Opening the door, she found that it wasn't nearly as empty as she had left it. Her friends were all crowded in there and when she came into the room, all eyes immediately turned to her.

"Don't tell me you're doing an intervention."

Willow was the first to speak up. "No. Actually, we were talking about what you told us and how we kinda reacted badly. So we're apologizing for that now."

Xander grudgingly added his own "Sorry Buff" to the sacrificial altar.

"That doesn't mean we're liking Faith but we'll support whatever choice you make. After all, it's your life and all we can do is be there for you Buffy."

The slayer was near tears by now and when Willow had finished her statement, she went over and gave her friends a big hug. She could literally feel some of the pressure sliding off her shoulders. She knew it was hard for Willow and Xander to understand her attachment to Faith but at least they were willing to try. That was one down from the list, a kajillion more to go.

*****

"Have you ever looked into the pit of darkness and saw yourself looking back? I have." It wasn't enough that one of the inmates insisted on talking but it downright sucked that she insisted on talking to _her_! Ever since the girl got here, Faith had been nominated her new best friend. How that happened was a mystery to the slayer since she had repeatedly told her neighbor to shut up over the course of several days and nights. What she didn't understand was why the girl was in here instead of a mental institution. Trying her best to shut out the inane rambling, she tried to concentrate on something else but there was only so much time one could spend guessing at the ingredients of the slop they called lunch around here before the mind throws in the towel and wanders off to more interesting territory. She had been feeling guilty as hell since Buffy's visit and this was on top of the mountain of guilt already hanging over her head from all the crap she'd done in the past. The thing was, she didn't even know why she should be feeling this way since, technically, she didn't do anything wrong. So it wasn't the most level headed response she could have given but when had she done anything that could've been considered well thought out. She acted from the gut, that was just her nature. Although, sometimes, looking back at the stuff she'd done, it didn't look like such a great philosophy to live by, it was the only one she had.

"Are you listening to me? Are you listening? The darkness will be here soon. You must prepare."

There was only so much Faith could put up with and the shouting in her ear damn near pushed her over the edge. She considered pounding on the other girl to make her shut up and she would've done it too if she weren't the new and improved Faith. As it was, she just moved away and hoped that nobody followed. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to get out of here. Not escape or nothing but just to get out long enough to see Buffy again. With the way she blew up at the blonde, the older slayer probably wouldn't be visiting anytime soon, if at all. In her mind, even with Angel speaking on her behalf, it still wouldn't be enough. She soon convinced herself that she needed to speak with Buffy in person, and not a week from now, or even a couple of days from now, but right now. All she had to do was find a way out of here without anybody noticing. No big right? If she stopped to analyze the plan, she'd discover she was acting from the gut again but, fortunately or unfortunately for all involved, she didn't wait around to ponder her actions, she just went and did them.

*****

It took Angel a couple of hours to track down where the Scoobies were staying and since they weren't there at the moment, he waited some more. When the group came back, he made his presence known by stepping out of the shadows. After the perfunctory greetings were dealt with, he was finally able to speak with Buffy alone.

"I spoke to Faith today." He launched into the conversation without preamble.

The blonde was surprised but, thinking about it, she probably shouldn't have been. Why should she be surprised that Angel visited Faith. After all, he was the one who had been there for her, who had guided her back from the pit she'd dug herself. And where had Buffy been when this was all happening? Playing judge, jury and executioner. Before she could berate herself further, Angel drew her back to the present with a touch to the arm.

"She wanted me to give you a message. She's sorry for the way she reacted to your news."

"She is?" The hopeful tone was unmistakeable as was the light that suddenly suffused her eyes.

"That's what she said...But I need to ask you this. Are you sure that's the way you feel about her? Or is it a side effect of what you went through?"

It was the exact same question she had asked herself more than once since this whole episode began but as the days progressed, she became more sure in her beliefs and emotions. What she felt for Faith was as real as her friendship with Willow or her relationship with Giles. It was tangible and not something created in a fantasy world that got carried over like an after image. So there was no doubt expressed in her answer and Angel recognised it for what it was: the truth. That didn't stop him from giving her just a little dig though. "So what did you tell Riley?" He knew it wasn't any of his business and it really didn't have anything to do with the current situation but he couldn't help it. The words that were exchanged between him and Buffy right after Faith turned herself in still stung even though they had more or less made up in the interim.

Buffy stammered somewhat before admitting that she still hadn't spoken to him yet. "But I will. As soon as he gets back, I'll tell him...this isn't something I'm looking forward to."

"Yeah. I'd imagine not. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Can you tell me how much trouble Faith is in? I know it's the big T kind of trouble but how much exactly?"

"They have her confession but that's about it. The physical evidence is just about nil. The mayor must have covered for her with Allan and the professor since whatever other evidence that they did have mysteriously disappeared from the Sunnydale PD eveidence room."

"So they don't have anything but her word. What if she recants? Can she do that?" Buffy's mind was already off and running with the possibilities which were duly squashed by what Angel had to say next.

"She won't do that. She's adamant about paying for what she's done and she'll serve whatever sentence they decide to give her."

"Maybe if I talk to her---"

"Buffy, do you really want that? She's at the point in her life when she's ready to face up to what she's done and become a better person for it!"

"She can do that without going to jail." The slayer became agitated as she thought about it some more. "She can do so much more good if she's not stuck ina cell for the rest of ehr life. And she can atone by _being_ the slayer, _being_ the force for good like she was born to be."

He just stood there for a moment, looking at her thoughtfullly. "If you can get her to agree, I'll talk with her attorney. It's not going to be easy Buffy; not short term or long run."

"But it's going to be worth it. Thank you Angel."

*****

Her escape had been executed to perfection and, as far as she knew, her temporary leave of absence would continue to go undetected until she got back. The only problem that stood in her way now was that she had absolutely no clue as to where Buffy was staying. It might have been nice to know before she took off but figuring out little details was never her strong suit. That's why she was standing outside Angel's place. She figured, if anyone knew, he would but, unfortunately, he wasn't there. Waiting around wasn't an option, not only because she didn't have much time but also because she hated waiting. Hated it with a passion. If she wasn't doing something, making things happen, she felt out of place and helpless. That wasn't a feeling she would ever want to come to grips with so she took off, not really knowing where she was going but fate decided to intervene right about that time and she found herself running into Angel just as she stepped out of the building. Talk about movie style concidence for which Faith would be eternally grateful.

The vampire, on the other hand, wasn't as happy at seeing her. Couldn't blame him though since, for all intents and purposes, she should be safely tucked into her bunk by now. Instead, here she was, running around town, trying hard as hell to find one particularly petite, blonde girl, laws and regulations be damned. So she didn't blame him for being a little peeved when he asked her what she was doing there. But she stated in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't be going back until she spoke with Buffy first. Angel finally relented to drive her there, insisting that she shouldn't be wandering around alone. She wasn't sure if this was for her protection or for everyone elses' but, at that point, she wasn't about to argue. She was going to see B again and she was going to make it all better...somehow. However, during the ride over, she was feeling anything but better. She was fidgety in fact and that only happened when she was nervous.

Angel must have noticed this too as he glanced sideways. "Something wrong?"

"Wrong? Are you kidding? Everything's five by five. Hunky Dory. Why do you ask?"

"Aside from the fact that you're about to tear up the leather seat you're sitting on, you just said hunky dory."

"I did?" Faith continued to stare straight ahead, prying her hands from the seat. "Sorry. I was just...I don't know what to say to her. I'll apologise yeah, but what then? I'm not ready for anything more right now...maybe not ever. Get some, get gone. That's how I operate y'know. And I think B wants more than that---she deserves more than that! So why is she trying to get it from me? I can't give her anything when I don't have anything to offer."

"You're selling yourself short. Faith, you're the one thing she wants. You might not feel the same for her as she does for you but if you feel anything at all, don't think you have nothing to contribute because that's just not true."

At those words of wisdom, she barked out a short laugh. "You're right. I have _so_ much to add to a relationship. Who in their right mind wouldn't want a soon to be convicted felon who's probably going to serve out the rest of her adult life in prison as her girlfriend? Stupid me."

"Faith--"

"Save it Angel. I'm glad you're giving me this ride and all but can we just not talk anymore? I'm not up for it right now."

The rest of the drive to the motel was spent in silence with the passenger and driver residing in their own little world.

"We're here." He unnecessarily annocunced parking just outside the motel, snapping Faith out of her thoughts.

"What room is she in?"

"Twelve. Willow and Xander are also here."

She got out of the car, promising to be back as soon as possible and walked slowly to the room. Walking deliberately like she was about to face all her nightmares and her dreams rolled into a sloppy, unrecognizable mess, she eventually arrived at the door and waited rather hesitantly for someone to open it before realizing she hadn't knocked yet.

*****

Buffy wasn't in the least surprised or perturbed by the knock at her door. Late night visitors were, by now, a staple element in her life. But when she opened the door and saw Faith on the other side, the non-plussed attitude flew out the window. Dragging Faith inside as if she might disappear otherwise, she quickly closed the door and turned to the other girl.

"You're out! Why are you out? Did something happen? Are you all right? If something did happen, you know you can depend on me, right?"

The brunette couldn't get a word in edgewise until Buffy took a breath after the barrage of questions. "Damn B. Let me say what I gotta say and then you can ask me anything you want,ok?" At the blonde's nod, she continued, nervously shifting from foot to foot under the other girl's close scrutiny. "I came here because I wanted---I needed to apologise for how harsh I was today. And, don't worry, nobody knows I'm gone...yet. Hopefully, I'll be back before they notice. That's about all I wanted to say so you can start with the questions now."

Buffy was silent for a moment after Faith finished. "You broke out of jail and you tracked me down to tell me you're sorry?" A silly smile spread across her face. It wasn't the dictionary sanctioned definition of romantic but it was nonetheless.

"Well, y'know...whatever." Faith shrugged it off but the older slayer wasn't ready to let it go just yet.

"In a weird sort of way, that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. It means alot---_you_ mean a lot to me."

Faith had been waiting forever to hear someone say that and Buffy had said it twice already today. It felt...good...and that was the problem. She wasn't supposed to feel _good_. Good was not one of the feelings she deserved. Misery and guilt---those were her constant companions now and that was the way it should be. That's what she deserved for everything she'd done. At least that's what she had kept on telling herself. But now, she was confronted with another possiblity. The only question left was would she go for it?

"Is all this sweet talk to get me in the sack? Cause if that's what you want, you could've just come out and said it. Better yet, why don't we do the deed right now? I haven't seen any action for awhile---"

Buffy put a restraining hand on Faith before the other girl could start taking her clothes off.

"You know that's not what I'm after."

"Are you going to tell me you're after my love or some lame shit like that because I don't buy it...I can't..."

"You _will_" Came the answer with utter conviction. "And if you don't believe me just yet, I'll prove it to you again and again until you do."

The brunette had to eventually turn away from Buffy's burning gaze. It was like looking into the sun but instead of going blind from the exposure, she was afraid of getting scorched from the intensity inherent in the blonde's every look and word. Emitting a self deprecating laugh, she went back to her comfort zone by making it all into a joke. "B, this is me you're talking about. Hell'll freeze over before you can convince me."

A shrug and a half smile graced Buffy's face. "What? It doesn't snow in New York?"

Suppressing a chuckle, Faith decided it was high time for her to get gone. If she didn't leave now...suffice it to say, there was a good chance she'd become a fugitive. Leaving turned out to be a harder idea to implement than she thought possible. Basically, the problem arose because she didn't want to go and B certainly didn't want her to either. A million and a half reasons always came between them but, yet, here they were together again...that was until an insistent honking from outside interrupted the moment.

"That's my ride," Faith said already turning away.

"I'll see you tomorrow." The words floated to the brunette's ears before she took off on a full run to the car. When Angel saw the splitting ear to ear grin on the girl's face, he didn't need to ask how it went.

"Went better than I thought it would." She supplied somewhat defensively at his knowing smirk which he took as a sign to start the car and drive out.

*****

"Hi."

"Riley!" Buffy was just about to go and visit Faith again when another unexpected surprise knocked on her door. The rest of the gang had gone sight-seeing, promising to rendezvous with her later in the day. they still didn't feel comfortable enough to see Faith yet but it was just as well. They all needed the time to adjust first. The blonde slayer, however, wouldn't be afforded the luxury. Her time had officially run out.

"I talked to your mom. She told me you were in LA so...here I am." A huge grin spread across his face as he pulled her into a hug, crushing their bodies together with an enthusiasm born from their enforced separation. "I've missed you so much...I'm sorry I couldn't get back sooner but they really picked my brain...not literally of course." He finally pulled back, looking into her face. Knowing something wasn't right by the expression he saw. He tilted her chin up, fully gazing into her eyes. "What's wrong?"

Everybody always said that the best way to pull off a bandage was to do it quickly so the pain wouldn't be as prolonged. The same was supposed to be true with bad news as well. Deliver it quickly enough and, maybe the pain won't be so bad. That was exactly what Buffy had in mind. And, if her mouth would only cooperate with the game plan, she would have told him by now. What actually happened was a lesson in the art of babble that would've made even Willow cringe. Thankfully, for all parties involved, Riley put a stop to the floodgates before they both drowned in the unnecessary verbiage. "I think I caught the words Faith, jail, relationship, and my name in there somewhere. Am I right?"

Buffy nodded guiltily, her eyes shifting to the ground.

"Buffy, look at me...You can tell me anything, I love you. Nothing's going to change that." If he thought that was going to reassure her, he was grieviously mistaken. The reavowment of his love only served to heap more guilt onto the mountain she was already carrying until she felt as if she were suffocating under the load. She wanted to tell him, she needed to tell him, but she just couldn't tell him, at least not yet. She didn't want to break his heart, to be looking into his eyes when that moment came and every shred of happiness got torn out. She basically chickened out. Facing hoardes of demons and a gigantic snaky thing bent on eating everybody in sight was nothing compared to this. Even knowing that procrastinating would only lead to a tougher time later, she couldn't go through with it.

"It's...nothing, really. I just visited Faith yesterday and we're starting to patch things up." At least it wasn't a complete lie.

"Is this the same girl who's your mortal enemy?"

"Like I said, we made up." If she was short with him, it wasn't like she could help it. Her judgement had been questioned left and right and she was getting pretty darn sick of it.

Holding up his hands in a placating gesture, he apologised even though he didn't know exactly what he had done wrong. He decided a change in subject matter was in order since the Faith topic had collapsed before it even left the gate. "So where are Willow and Xander? I thought they were here with you."

"They all went out to do the touristy thing."

"Oh...Why aren't you with them? Not that I'm you're not cause I wouldn't have caught you otherwise but...why not?"

"I was going to do something first."

"What?" It was almost like pulling teeth, it was so diffcult to get anything out of her. Riley didn't understand the sudden change he detected. He hadn't seen her for a couple of days but that didn't really explain it...did it?

Buffy blew out a breath and turned her back to her boyfriend. She couldn't look at him and say what she had to say at the same time. "I'm going to see Faith again."

It seemed that this particular topic of conversation refused to die. "You'll forgive me but I can't help but wonder why. I seem to remember your telling me that she's a psycho murderer who belongs in jail for the rest of her life. Actually, those were your exact words. What changed?"

"People change!" She hadn't meant to shout. It just came out that way. Her outburst startled him momentarily. He'd never seen Buffy so out of control before. In nearly every situation he'd seen her in, she had been in either total control or getting to that stage. Here though, it seemed as if she were a hair's breadth from going over the edge.

"I'm not arguing with you. Yes, people do change. I don't doubt it. All I'm wondering is were you referring to her changing or you. What happened while I was gone?"

Buffy didn't answer right away. If she told him nothing happened, it would be a straight out lie but to do otherwise didn't sit well with her either. "I have to go." She said suddenly. "We'll talk about it when I get back."

"No."

"What?" His refusal caught her off guard. Usually, he just agreed with whatever she wanted.

"We haven't seen each other for nearly a week and I would have thought you'd be happy to see me since I've been missing you like crazy but it seems like you can't wait to get rid of me. All I want to know is why. Can you just please tell me?'

"I _have_ missed you."

"It doesn't seem like it."

She sighed as she sat back down on the bed and patted a spot next to her for Riley to sit on. For the entirely too long conversation that followed, her eyes never lifted to meet his, preferring to remain fixed instead on a nasty stain in the carpet.

*****

Continued in Part 2