Disclaimer: Same as in first part.

"... I'm just saying, we barely see each other anymore. I have to pry you away from her just to get a couple of minutes alone. Buffy, I feel like my whole life's been revolving around you lately and your whole life's been revolving around Faith."

"I know it seems that way ... and maybe it is to a degree but she needs me right now."

"Yeah, I heard. You think you weren't there for her before and now you're overcompensating. Buffy, we're not talking about some little girl here. You can't be there for her every minute of every day. Either you trust that she can deal with standing on her own two feet or you can't. It's as simple as that."

"Stop trying to psych 101 me. I know you don't understand this but I need to be there for her, all right?"

"No. With Faith, you never expect me to understand."

"Riley ... " I wrapped my arm around him and snuggled deeper into his shoulder. "I know I've been bad girlfriend Buffy lately but I'll make it up to you, I promise. Then it'll be just you and me. No Faith. Promise." I really couldn't understand why he was being so ... pouty about it. Why couldn't he even try to understand the position I was in? It wasn't even as if we didn't see each other. I was seeing him right now, as a matter of fact. And anyway, didn't absence make the heart grow fonder?

"Tonight then. We're throwing a party. You'll be here, right?"

"Definitely. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Great," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "It'll be fun ... You know I love you, right Buffy?"

"Love you too."

We then proceeded to have this major snuggle session -- something I think we both kind of needed after that talk. It hadn't been easy getting Riley on board with helping Faith. In fact, I think they shared a mutual hate. It wasn't pretty when you actually got them in a room together. Not a happy mental place.

I left Riley's room a while later to get a shower and to get changed. I didn't expect that Faith would be lying on my bed, thumbing through one of my textbooks when I opened the door.

"Hey," I said, closing the door behind me and leaning against it. "How'd you --"

"Picked the lock." She tossed the book on my bed. Faith likes tight clothes. She likes leather. That day, she was wearing a combination of both. And when she moved towards me, I could hear the creak of her leather pants. I concentrated on that creak because if I didn't, I'd have to stare at her lips or her eyes or somewhere else entirely inappropriate.

Her hands which had been by her side the last time I checked were running lightly up my arms and she was so close I could smell the soap she'd used.

I know what you're thinking. It's not like that. So she'd kissed me a couple of times and after that first time, I hadn't exactly pushed her away but it's not what you're thinking ...

"Faith --" She interrupted me again before I could finish what I was saying.

Faith's kisses ...

She kisses like no one else has ever kissed me before. Long. Slow. Wet. And hard. Pressed up against the door with her tongue invading my mouth, I had to admit it. I'm cheating on my boyfriend with the other Slayer. I am the worst girlfriend in the history of girlfriend-dom.

"Where were ya?" I don't think anyone's voice has ever sent shivers down my spine ... not in a good way anyway. But hers is so throaty, so husky, and I think I kinda closed my eyes for a second because I had to open them to see her brown eyes staring straight into me. Really beautiful big brown eyes.

"Umm ... what?"

"Where." Kiss on my lips. "Were." Kiss on my neck. "You?" Grope of my breast.

"Oh, hmm ... You know, it's kind of hard to concentrate when you're ... doing that." Stalling. Definitely down with the stalling.

"Okay." She stepped back completely. Left me standing alone with her warmth fading from my skin. "That better?"

No, not better. Not better at all. A change in subject might be good at a point like this. "Faith, what are you doing here?"

"Not happy to see me?" I said something wrong again. Her smile faded to nothing as she laid back on my bed. There's a lot of things you can say about Faith. As she laid there, spread out, almost lounging on the rumpled sheets I hadn't bothered to make that morning, the word 'cheap' leapt into my mind. But it's a good cheap, a sexy cheap ... it's a cheap you want to stand behind, in front of, sideways too.

"Faith, you know that's not what I meant. Of course, I'm happy to see you."

"I've seen happier on the faces of the undead just before I stake 'em."

I walked over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge. "Faith," I said. "I am happy to see you. I'm always happy to see you."

"And I'm always hot for you. Guess that makes us even." I love the grin that appears on her face. I'm the one that made it appear. For some reason, that amazes me.

She pulled me on top of her so I was straddling her waist. "Faith--" Again, she interrupted me by pulling me down and capturing my lips. Will she do that every time I say her name. If so, I could definitely get used to it. Hands had started wandering and it was getting way too hot in the room. But dimly, through that haze, I remembered why I'd come back here in the first place. "Wait ... stop ... stop for a second."

"What?" Her lipstick was smudged so I wiped it off with my thumb and I wasn't really surprised when I couldn't stop myself from running it lightly across her lips. She's got really nice lips. Small and pouty and just a little swollen. "B?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why'd we stop?"

"Oh ... right." Bad distracting lips. Bad. "I need to shower. And get dressed. In that order."

"Why?"

"Why in that order?"

"No, B. Jeez, you lose a couple of brain cells while I wasn't looking? Why as in why are you getting dressed? You going out?"

"Yeah. Tonight. There's going to be a party at Lowell House."

"Party. Count me in. Free drinks, right?"

Riley wasn't going to be happy about this development. I think it would be safe to assume, happy and him would be having a split pretty soon. But ... "Yeah, it'll be great."

****

Know what? I can drink anybody under the table. Neat little trick that has nothing to do with me as a Slayer and everything to do with me being fucked up. Cause if it was only about being the Slayer, B wouldn't be doing the insane laughter of the drunk after only two beers. The girl can't hold her liquor for shit and if she tried, she'd probably end up spending the rest of the night with her head in the toilet.

Hey look at that. Finally found something I can do better than Buffy fucking Summers. Yay fucking me. I'll have to find my parents and thank them for passing on that little talent, y'know, right before I kill 'em.

But before I could get around to the binge drinking, I had to make nice nice with the meat. He knows I hate him. Nothing personal. I just don't like people who eye me like trash. And I know he hates me too. Why wouldn't he? I was trying to steal his girlfriend and doing a damn good job at it. If we're not counting that first time, it's not like I had to hold her down to kiss her either. B was cheating on his ass and I think he knew.

"Buffy .............. Faith." Acid. Pure acid. Wow, I've heard a lot of people spit out my name like poison but he took it to a whole 'nother level.

"Hey meat. Hope you don't mind that I bought B as my date tonight." I slung an arm around B and watched his eyes narrow. He was gonna have a stroke if he didn't start breathing soon. I steered my 'date' away, keeping down the chuckles but only cause I was too busy eyeing all the free alcohol. Hey, I could get used to college.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Hell, I just wanted her to say it.

"Why did you say that to him?"

"I was saying and doing a hell of a lot more before we came here. Didn't seem to bother you then."

"Yeah, but --"

"Here, have a drink," I said, pushing a bottle into her hand, wanting her to shut up for a few seconds.

"Faith, me and beer don't really mix. We have a sordid and bitter history that I'd rather not relive."

"One or two won't hurt. I just want you to loosen up a little."

"I am loose." Right. If she was wound any tighter, she'd be cracking walnuts with her ass. But she did drink it eventually -- even went back for another. Me? I was throwing back shots left and right and drinking some of the prissy frat boys under the table.

Good times. Good times.

Oh, did I mention the geek patrol was there too? I avoided them, they avoided me. Like I said, good times. I'm glad we were on the same page with that one. Although that Tara chick did come up and say 'hi' before Red dragged her ass away. She's not so bad. Pretty bland but not so bad.

By the time we left, my body was sloshing around more alcohol than a liquor store. B was all concerned just cause I tripped once. Yeah, can you believe that? She was concerned and at the end of the night, she was with me. Bet the meat wasn't too happy about that either.

"Faith, why are you laughing?"

"Cause it's funny."

"Oh ... " And then she started laughing too. Didn't I tell ya she was a lightweight? And you know something else? I coulda fucked her that night -- it would've been so easy ...

And that's the problem. It would've been TOO easy. I didn't want to fuck her while she was half outta her mind. I wanted her to know it was me she was with. I wanted her to be clear about that so when she looked back on it like I knew she would, she'd only have herself to blame.

But it wasn't easy though. The girl practically draped herself all over me when we got back to her room. Did she think I was some kinda weirdly shaped pillow? Finally ended up having to sleep on the floor cause her hands wouldn't stay out of my shirt. Aw, fucking hell. Listen to me, I sound like some fucking nun.

... Yeah well, screw that. I told you why I had to do it and there was no way I was sleeping on Red's bed. She wasn't even there but that's not the point. It was just too weird.

Anyway, the next day, B woke me up with a foot to my stomach. Nice way of waking up. You should try it sometime. Makes you want to smack whoever stepped on you.

"Oh sorry. Didn't see you." I squinted up and saw B sitting on her bed staring down at me. "What are you doing down there anyway?"

"Sleeping till somebody decided I needed to start the morning off with a foot to my gut," I said, draping an arm across my eyes. I wanted to go back to sleep. Just lie there and sleep until the throbbing behind my eyes went away.

"Right. Sorry again. But I didn't mean why are you down 'there' there. I meant why are you down there and not up 'here' there?

Fucking riddles wrapped up in questions. "Cause you kept feeling me up and I didn't feel like getting groped all night." Screw thinking before speaking. I just wanted her to stop asking shit and leave me alone cause her questions were making my head hurt.

"Oh ... sorry." Really long pause that made me wonder if she had gone back to sleep. "So I guess you wouldn't be up for breakfast then?"

I lowered my arm just enough so I could see her still perched on her bed, still looking down at me. "You're paying, right?"

"Yes, I'm paying. Come on Grumpy Bear, let's go."

"B, knock it off with the cutesy wutesy nicknames when I'm feeling like shit, 'k?" I know she's not a morning person. I know that. So why was she acting so goddamn perky?

"'K but when I get back from the bathroom, I expect you to look at least presentable." She walked out the door and missed the middle finger I flipped her. Damn. If it wasn't for the food ...

She walked back in the door fifteen minutes later just when I was trying to stretch out some of the kinks sleeping on the floor tends to give ya. I must've looked really pathetic and wasted cause she came over and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Poor Faith. Let's go get you something to eat and then you can go back to sleep, okay?"

****

Faith is everything you don't want to bring home to your mother. She's a badass, a murderer, a liar, and she's been known to go psycho from time to time. Not exactly traits that will endear you to anybody except maybe the penal system. My mom knows these things. I finally told her the abridged version of what had happened. And even though she knew Faith and knew what she'd done, my mom looked past all of that to invite Faith to stay at her house.

After I finished picking my jaw up off the floor, the most intelligent thing I could think of to ask was "W-What?"

It seemed mom thought Faith needed a parental figure in her life. Now that I think about it, she's always tried parenting Faith. Right from the start. And the funny thing is, Faith lets her. Would she let anybody else? I don't know that anybody's ever tried.

Giles was happy about the move though he tried not jumping up and down while we were still there. Living with a teenager had really threatened to crack that cool British veneer. After I helped Faith move her one bag of stuff, I found myself spending more and more time back home. I brushed it off as homesick to anybody who asked. The truth of the matter was that I was Faithsick.

I realized I wanted to spend time with her because I liked the person she was. On the most basic level, I liked her. But try explaining that to your boyfriend when he asks why you're never with him. Doesn't really fly. So me and Riley are officially in that stage of a relationship when we're both giving each other 'space'. One step above a break up. One step below the cold shoulder.

A month ago, this was the same guy I could see myself being with for the longhaul. What changed? If I wanted to be flip, I'd say everything and nothing. If I wanted to be truthful, I'd say me. If I wanted to be blunt, I'd say I'd turned gay.

But you can't really turn gay, can you? Aren't you supposed to be born a certain way and that's who you are for the rest of your life? It makes sense in a predetermined destiny sort of way. But if that's true, how come I wasn't gay before Faith showed up? How come I've never checked out any other girls? I think I should talk about this with Willow. She's going through basically the same thing with Tara. Hopefully, I could casually bring up the subject without mentioning Faith.

Speaking of. "Faith?" I turned my head from where it was pillowed on her stomach to look up at her.

"Hmm?" We were lying on her bed and she was reading a comic book. She looks really cute when she's concentrating. And she always concentrates when she's reading a comic book.

"I'm thinking of telling Willow."

She laid aside the reading material and gave me her full attention. "Telling her about us?"

"You think it's a bad idea?"

"I think she's gonna flip and hire someone to gun me down."

"I'm being serious," I said, smacking her on the arm.

"I'm just sayin'. If you're expecting her to be all happy and shit that her best friend is screwing around with a psycho slut, you shouldn't hold your breath."

"You're not a psycho slut."

She shrugged. "Depends on who you ask."

"Well the question's been put to the panel of Buffy and the results are in -- 100% not a psycho slut. So let's all agree to never bring that up again." Did I tell you I liked that little half smile that comes across her face whenever I say something we both know is goofy? Well, let me amend that to I love it.

I kinda love her.

Wow. When did that happen?

"Faith ... " The word sounds all breathy and soft and she must've known something was coming up because she sat up and cupped my cheek with the palm of her hand.

"Yeah B?" So soft. So warm.

"I love you."

She looked down at me. Didn't say a word. Her eyes were so dark the light would get lost in them and never find its way home. Just like me. I am lost and I don't care. You ever hear how some people say that if they'd died at some particular moment in their life, they'd die happy because that moment had been the happiest they'd ever known?

I don't want to die. Not when I knew my happiness was here. With her.

"Say something," I finally said, wanting to hear her voice, wanting to see those perfect lips wrap themselves around words I was hoping to hear.

"Nobody's ever said that and meant it ..... Do you mean it?"

I think that choked sound I heard came from me. It couldn't have been her because Faith doesn't cry. No it was definitely me. God, just hearing her ask that question. Asking in that little girl voice. It absolutely tore me up inside and I had to wrap myself up around her and whisper over and over again that I loved her because she needed to know that and I needed to say it.

Somewhere along the way, my hands had tangled themselves in her hair and her lips were trailing kisses up and down my neck. It made me burn for her. Her mouth. Her lips. Her tongue. Found me. Again and again, they found me. And in between the hot, wet kisses and the first, urgent touches, the question of 'Is mom coming home?' met with the answer of 'Not tonight'. Tonight. That night. That was our night. The first night we made love.

And when I woke up, sometime before dawn. When it was still dark outside. When all the vampires were scurrying back to their nests, I turned my head and watched Faith sleep. I've never watched anybody sleep before. It's one of the most intimate things you can do. Sort of like catching somebody who's not looking. Catching somebody when they're in their own world. A world you can't hope to see directly -- only reflected on their face.

"I love you," I whisper, wanting her to know that, even in her sleep. And I think she heard because she mumbled something. I couldn't make it out but it warmed me up inside anyway.

Everything that had happened between us nine months ago seems like it had happened to different people. Not Buffy and Faith. A different pair of Slayers maybe. Slayers that hated each other. And that's not us. Not us because we could never feel that way again.

I wrapped my arm around Faith's waist. I needed to be closer. Close enough to smell her scent. Close enough to nuzzle her neck. Close enough to forget the past.

****

I smell her all over me and I wanted to throw up. Man, I'm not used to people snuggling on me after a fuck. Get some, get gone. Didn't she get the memo on the gone part? I almost scrubbed my skin off trying to get 'her' off me. But hell, the important thing is I finally fucked her. I finally fucked Buffy Summers.

I bought her down to my level. Took her off that pedestal and now she's just another notch on the bed post. She just didn't know it yet. Probably thought it was some kind of epic love. Maybe she even thought she redeemed me. But the truth is I dragged her down. Made her as dirty as me. I did it once by making her angry enough to kill me. I did it again by making her stupid enough to love me. Wicked, huh?

Seriously, I couldn't wait to laugh it up to her face. Tell her she meant nothing to me and she was only good for a quick screw. I think I'd have loved to see the tears. Maybe I could even catch her heart breaking if I looked deep enough. But that would've been too quick. Nah, I wanted to drag it out a little longer. Make her life a living hell before I left. Yeah. I liked the sound of that.

"Come on, Faith. You stay in there any longer and I'll have to call in the search and rescue dogs."

"Yeah, hold up," I yelled back. Can't even spend a couple of minutes alone without her wondering where I was or what I was doing. It was like I was in a prison or something. Soon as I walked out, she was all over me again and I'd just spent fifteen minutes washing her out of me. What is with the damn clinginess?

"I think I'll take one too," she mumbled into my neck. Her tongue flicked out and she rubbed up against me.

"You don't really expect me to let you go when you go and do something like that, do you?" I might hate all the cuddling lovey dovey shit but sex is something different. It wasn't like that for her though. She was probably too far gone to see one clear for the other.

No. Sex was different for me. I can deal with sex. I know all about sex. And B had the perfect body for sex.

Perfect tight little bod. Quivers when I touch her. I can still feel her on my fingers. Wet and sticky. Laid bare for me. For ME. Cause at that moment, I was everything she wanted. I was her fucking world.

No, the sex wasn't so bad. It was just afterwards. Afterwards, I wanted to run. Run as far away as possible. But every time I tried easing away, she'd pull me in tighter like she knew what I was thinking. Well, enough with this shit.

"B. Hey, B?" She mumbled something. Don't know what. Don't really care. "Remember when you said you wanted to tell Red about us?"

" ... Yeah?" Was that fear in her voice. Got me juiced hearing it.

"Let's do it."

She shot straight up. Must've hit a very sensitive nerve. "Why .. um, I mean, right now? You want to tell her right now?"

"Yeah, she's out of class now right? Perfect time." Oh man, I think she actually squirmed. Really sensitive nerve. "You wanna tell her, don't you?" She looked down at me. Fucking hated it when she looked down at me so I sat up too. Now we were on an equal level again. It's just those little things that bug the hell outta me, y'know?

"Yeah." She took my hand. Real gentle-like. "I want everyone to know about us, Faith. I want them to know how happy you make me." She threw that 100-watt smile my way. Fucking golden. That's the word that always popped into my mind whenever I thought about her. What word pops into her mind when she thinks about me?

"So then let's tell her, B. Let's tell her now." Oh yeah. I couldn't wait for this. Everybody thought I was scum. That I was a skanky, slutty whore. Well, guess what idiots on the half shell? This skanky, slutty whore's fucking your precious golden girl. What 'dya think 'bout that?

You should've seen B though. After making up her mind to tell, she was a shitty mess. So nervous, her fingers shook when she went to button her shirt. And she kept looking at me. Guess she was looking to me to make her feel better. Hell, I didn't know how to do that. What did she want? A pat on the head? A friggin cookie? I don't fucking know.

She finally just pulled my arm around her shoulder and we walked out the door. Like a couple. Walked down the street. Like a couple. Walked through campus. Like a couple. Walked in on Red and her girl. And B immediately backed off from me. So anybody can see us together but not her friends, right? Not the people who mattered.

I was mad, yeah. Seething. But just when I was getting all justifiably angry, she had to blurt out "I'm going to say something now. It's really important so I'd like to get it out all in one piece, okay? I know this will probably come as a surprise to you, Willow. Maybe not. Maybe you're more observant than me. Wait, you've definitely got to be more observant than me cause I never even saw the gay thing coming. Hey Tara. So maybe you'll understand when I tell you that I'm in love with Faith. Faith and me are a couple. There, I said it. I'm going to stop now so you can talk." She grabbed me, buried her face in my shoulder and I swear, for a few minutes after she stopped talking, you could hear a pin drop in that room.

"You with-with Faith? What? Faith?? How? When? WHY?!" I should've bought a camera or something. The look on her face. Total Kodak moment. And like someone had dropped a bomb into the middle of the room, everything kinda blew up from there.

A lot of shouting, yelling. You get the picture, right? Just imagine two cats hissing and spitting. One with blonde fur. The other with red. Same shit.

"How could you?"

"What do you mean how could I?" B was angry. Her whole face had turned red. "How can I what? Fall in love, Will? Fall in love with a wonderful person? Well, guess what? It happens okay? I love Faith. I am in love with her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her so if you were really my friend, you'd deal."

"I AM your friend. If I wasn't, I wouldn't care what you did with your life. But God, Buffy. Why Faith?"

"Why Faith? Willow, I can ask you the same thing. Why Tara?"

"It's not the same. My girlfriend's not a psychopathic murderer." What is this? A fucking pissing match? Shit, this wasn't going anywhere and I was getting damn tired of the insults from Red. So I left. Just up and left.

I got about as far as the parking lot before B caught up to me. Wrapped herself around me really tight like she was afraid of letting go. She kept repeating 'I'm sorry' under her breath and her tears were soaking through my shirt.

"Get a room!" Some jerkoff asshole shouted as his car drove past us. B peeled herself away enough to look up at me. Not the prettiest sight. But shit. I actually kinda felt bad for her.

It passed.

****

Either nothing happens or things happen too fast. That's life on the Hellmouth. Stop and start. Stop and start. It could give a girl motion sickness if she thought about it too much. But just when I thought I was drowning. Just when I thought I was in way over my head, my friends tossed me a life saver. Even after all the angry words we'd exchanged. Even after all that, they found me and helped me get back up.

To say Willow and Xander were mad about my choice in lovers is like saying Liberachi was just a little eccentric. But they still came through for me. When Adam made his move on the Initiative, they were standing with me. When I was squaring off against this Frankenstein's monster, I could feel them backing me up all the way. Giving me their strength so I could stop him.

It was almost like old times. Before college. I think, little by little, we'd drifted apart. And we realized it while it was happening. We knew we weren't as close as we were before. It's not like one day, we all just woke up and there was this distance. No, the distance crept up on us. Kind of like mold. Except mold doesn't really creep. It just kind of grows really, really slow.

Anyway, the point is, we stopped Adam together. We, as in all of us -- Willow, Xander, Giles. We stopped him. So, chalk up another save for the good guys. Notice I didn't include Faith in the group. There's a really good reason for that. Reason being she wasn't there.

Why wasn't she here? And for that matter, where the hell was she?

I have absolutely no idea. The note she left when she disappeared two days ago was an exercise in minimalism and frustration.

B,

Going to get some of my shit together. See you in a couple.

-F

What kind of a note was that? No explanation, no reason, no clue to when she was coming back. And what 'shit' did she have to get together that she couldn't tell me about?

And it's only been two days.

It's ONLY two days? How can it only be two days? I was already missing her so much, I was driving myself crazy. Not to mention everybody around me. I swear I'm going to kill her when she gets back. Right after I hug her. Maybe after a couple of kisses. But definitely after that, I'll kill her.

Arrrggh!

Stop thinking about her. Stop it brain. Do you like feeling miserable or do you just hate me? And you wouldn't believe how hard it is to put someone out of your mind when your two best friends insist on bringing up that someone as a topic of conversation over and over again. Willow and Xander keep mentioning her absence like it was an indictment of how very bad girlfriend material she is. They didn't actually say that out loud but every look they exchanged said as much.

I couldn't help wondering myself. Why would she leave town when she knew Adam was about to make a move? I'm sure she had a good reason. She must have. She has to.

Thinking too much again. I'm starting to brood and that's never a good sign.

I snapped out of it in time to hear Willow's question. "So anybody know what happened to Riley?"

"What? Oh, Riley? I don't know. I left him with the last of the Initiative guys. He should be okay." We were all seated around my living room, having a post-Slayage, post-dream pig out. The combination of the two really takes a lot out of you.

"I kinda feel sorry for him," Xander said. "I mean, finding out you're some mad scientists' mad scientist experiment. Gotta be hard."

I murmur my agreement but my mind's on other things. I mean, I do care about Riley and what happens to him. It's not like my feelings for him were shut off as soon as I fell in love with Faith. But if it was between thinking about him and thinking about Faith, there's no contest.

"So she hasn't called you?"

"What?" I really should try listening in once in a while just to keep tabs on the changing topics.

"Faith," Willow repeated. "She still hasn't even called you yet?"

"No." One little word coming out of my mouth. How can it sound so defensive? I need to calm down. "She hasn't but I'm sure she will ... soon."

They exchanged another look. Did they think I was blind? That I wouldn't notice. Or maybe, they *wanted* me to notice. Either way, it was getting on my nerves. Giles chose that exact moment to walk back into the room with his fresh pot of tea which he almost dropped when the phone began ringing.

I picked up the receiver before the first ring had even finished. Slayer speed. Sometimes, I even amaze myself. "Hello?"

"B, it's me." The velvety smooth voice sent a warm flutter through my stomach.

"Faith?" I turned around, not wanting to come off sounding too excited even though I think I gave it away long before I said her name. "Where are you? What happened? Are you all right? Are you coming back soon?"

"Whoa, B. You're drowning me with the questions here. Look, I'm sorry I stepped out on you like that. I just had to take care of something. I'll tell you all about it when I get back, ok?"

"Okay. But when are you coming home?"

"Give me a day or two. Still need to wrap up some loose ends, y'know?"

"Okay. But do it fast. I miss you. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye." The phone went dead in my hand and already, I felt myself missing that smoky, husky, sexy voice.

Arrrggh! Stop it!

****

"Hear that loverboy? She LOVES me! Not you! ME!" I screamed, throwing the phone against the wall. It took a chunk of plaster with it and landed in a cloud of dust. "It feels good to win, y'know? I mean, here you are, about to die and you just heard the girl you love, the girl you've been pining for, saying she loves me. How's it feel, huh? Does it feel like someone sliced you open and ripped out your insides. Well, DOES IT?!" He laid there like a lump. Didn't even move. Pissed me off. "You're so fucking stupid. Do you see how stupid you are? Carrying a torch for a girl who'll gladly dump you on the side of the road. Pathetic.

"But hey, I can be nice too. I'll do you a favor just cause I'm so fucking nice. Your girl. I'll take good care of her for you. After I finish breaking her heart, I'll send her down to hell to keep you company. How's that sound? Sounds nice, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT??!

"God. You're not much fun anymore. And after I was so nice to you too. Telling you my story and everything. You liked my story, didn't you? And the best part of it is, it's all true. Every. Last. Bit.

"And shit. Know what? I kinda feel like this huge weight's been lifted off my chest. It's cool to finally tell someone. About everything. But now, seeing as you know too much ... You gotta die. Nothing personal." I picked up the axe, already covered in blood. "Say hi to the boss for me."

And that was that. Way easier than I imagined. I thought it'd involve a lot more fighting. A lot more blood. What a fucking letdown. And now that I'd done the deed, it kinda felt hollow. So I did what I always did when I felt something I didn't want to feel.

I went to a club. Alcohol numbed the cold ache. Screwing kept my mind off of why it was aching. It was easy to get both when you have a pretty face. And the best part -- at the end of the night, there were no strings attached. No 'I love yous'. No cuddling. None of that shit to get in the way. A nice 'get the fuck out' was enough. They knew the score. I knew the score. Everybody ends up happy.

Somehow, I found myself boarding the bus at 4 AM that morning. What the fuck was I doing there so friggin early? I wasn't really planning on it but there I was, headed back. Home sweet fucking home, here I come. I didn't sleep at all on the way. Just stared at the back of the seat in front of me. My eyes just wouldn't close.

Not like it mattered though. I wasn't tired. Fuck being tired. I still had too much stuff to do for being tired. When the bus stopped, the rising sun was shining in my eyes. Made them water. We were in Sunnydale again. Whoop-de-doo. Break out the fucking booze.

I could've caught another bus back to the house. Could even go for a cab. Hell, why not? Might as well put the money I'd skimmed off Joyce to good use, right?

And when I got back. When I stepped out of the car and up to the front door, I felt the smile slipping across my face again. This was gonna be fun. So much fucking fun. But first, I had to find my partner. We needed to dance a little bit first. My hands almost shook as I turned the key and stepped inside.

I found B upstairs, in her room. She was wrapped up in the sheets but one bare leg was sticking out. I dropped the bag next to the door and kneeled right next to her. She laid there. So peaceful. Like nothing could ever hurt her. She could have her fantasy for a few more hours. I'll give her that.

I bent down, placing a kiss on her shin. Wrapping a hand around her ankle. Laying down more kisses that made her moan and squirm. God, this was hot. Knowing what I was gonna do to her afterwards as I'm getting ready to screw her now? It was sick. But that's what makes it so damn hot.

"Faith?" I heard her mumble but I didn't look up. I felt her hands in my hair and I placed more kisses on the inside of her thigh. "God Faith."

"Don't bring him into this, B. It's just you and me." I crawled up on top of her. Felt her legs wrapping around my waist and pull me in. Closer. Always closer.

"You feel so good, Faith," she said, sliding a hand onto the back of my neck and pulling me down for a long kiss.

"We haven't even gotten started yet, B," I mumbled against her lips, feeling her giggle run into my mouth. "Not even close."

I wanted this.

I needed it.

One last time before it all ended. And when it did end, I could say I took this from her too.

****

"Faith, what are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing? I'm getting dressed."

I leaned up on my elbows, watching as she zipped up her pants and started putting on her boots. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Nope."

I waited for her to say more. She didn't. Just finished up tying up her laces. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

She looked up. There was a smile on her face. A smile I hadn't missed seeing because it sent shivers up and down my spine. Shivers that were definitely in the not good category.

"You wanna know what's going on, B?" Her smile grew as she held up one of those thermos containers that has a screw on lid. She held it up like she was proud of it. "You know what this is?" No. I didn't really want to know. Whatever it was, I didn't want to know. I tried saying it. My mouth wouldn't work. But it was too late anyway. She was already unscrewing the top, Tilting the contents onto the floor. Dust. Grey dust spilled out onto the carpet. "Remember I said I had to get some shit together? Well, truth is, I had to go to LA. Had to finish up something I should've done a long time ago. This here," she said, looking down at the growing pile of dust. "This is your boy, Angel. Was anyway. Do you know how long I dragged it out? Hours. It was so sweet. If you've ever tried torturing a vampire, you'd know. They can take so much pain. Much more--"

"WHY??!!" I felt the tears rushing down my face. Felt my throat closing around a strangled cry. This couldn't be happening. This was a nightmare. It had to be. Faith wouldn't do this.

"Why?" She tossed the thermos to the side as her face closed into a frown. "How fucking stupid are you? Don't you get it yet? I did it cause of you. I HATE you. I wanted to HURT you. Everything I did. Everything I'm doing is to hurt you. Angel's death was cause of you. YOU. Too damn stupid to finish me off when you had the chance and now look what's happened. It's all cause of YOU!"

I flung myself at her. Literally flung my body into hers. No more words. I didn't want to hear anymore. I wanted to beat those words out of her. My fists. Her fists. It all blurred. Nothing was clear anymore. Nothing seemed real except for the pain.

And suddenly, a knife was in my hands. Where did it come from?

Didn't matter.

It was at her neck, drawing a thin line of blood. Just a little pressure and it would be over. Just a little more.

"C'mon, B. Do it. Press down. You know you want it. What the fuck are you waiting for? KILL ME! Kill me like I killed Angel. Come on!"

Something in her voice drew me to her eyes. Still dark. Still beautiful .... But so empty. I can kill her now. I should. The knife slipped from my hand and dropped with a dull thud on the floor. "I can't."

"You can't?" Her voice was breaking. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. Did she notice? "You can't kill me?!" Her hands came up to wrap around my neck. She pushed me onto the floor, straddling my hips. Her fingers dug into the soft flesh of my throat. "What the fuck do I have to do, B? What the fuck do I have to do to make you kill me? Do I have to off every one of your stupid friends? You killed Angel when he was evil. Why can't you kill me? I'm evil B! Evil! You're supposed to kill me! Put me out of my misery! KILL! ME!"

I couldn't push her off. Couldn't budge her. And I was starting to see black spots swimming in front of my eyes. I tried saying her name but all that came out was a quiet wheeze. Just when I thought I was going to die, her fingers loosened. One by one, her fingers dropped away. I gasped for breath. My lungs were burning. It was hard to breathe.

When I looked down, Faith's head was buried in my chest. Her body was shaking with sobs and my arms just seemed to naturally wrap around her. Everything she's done ...

Angel. She killed him.

She'd lied to me from the beginning. Made me fall in love with her so she could hurt me. I should hate her for everything she's done but my arms don't seem to care because they wrapped her up tighter. Just letting her cry. Don't want to let go. She might disappear.

I still love her. I can't believe I still love her. I hate myself for still loving her.

I don't know how long we laid there. Seemed like hours. Faith had stopped crying but she hadn't moved. I felt her breath, coming warm on my breast and I suddenly realized I was still naked. I wanted to chuckle. Maybe even break a laugh but it took too much effort and I gave up before I even started.

"B?" The word sounded louder than a shot after all the silence.

I cleared my throat, trying to get my vocal cords working again. "Yeah?"

There was a long pause. So long I thought she wasn't going to say anything at all. "I didn't kill him."

"What?"

"Angel. Didn't kill him. Tortured him for awhile. Knocked him out. But he's still undead." I looked down to try to see her face but all I saw was the top of her head. "I was going to kill him but ... I don't know." She got up. Slowly. Painfully. And I saw she was clutching her right side. "I just wanted you to kill me, B. I just ... I wanted it all to end. Everything. I did everything because I wanted to hurt you. You were supposed to be the one holding the bloody knife this time. You were supposed to end it for me." She bowed her head a second and then headed towards the door.

As soon as she stepped away, I jumped up and grabbed her shoulder. "Where are you going?"

She almost growled, "I'm getting the fuck outta here, B. Unless you want another stab at me, I'm getting as far away from here as possible."

"Why?"

She spun around, knocking my hand from her shoulder. "What the fuck do you want from me? I'm letting you have a free crack at me but you won't take it. I'm trying to get the fuck out of your life but you won't let me go. What the fuck do you want from me?"

"I want you." The words left my mouth before I thought about saying them. But I didn't want to take them back because they were the right words.

"You what?"

"I'm going to be incredibly selfish with this. You can't leave, Faith. I can't let you go. Not again. Not after I've just found you. God, I can't believe what you did. You want me to kill you? Why? Because you think you're evil? You're not evil. You never were. Things happened, you made some really bad judgment calls but that in no way makes you evil."

I tried reaching out, touching that bruised and bloodied face but she recoiled. "You still don't get it? B, I never loved you. It was all pretend. A game. My sick little game. Inside, I wanted to scream every time you touched me. I can't fucking love you. I don't know how."

I did something really stupid then .With regards to a pissed off, emotionally unstable Slayer, you really shouldn't make a grab for them. Tends to lead to injuries and internal hemorrhaging. I did though. I grabbed her and hugged her to my body. Hugged her even as she struggled and tried shoving me back. "Do you feel like screaming now?" I asked after she'd calmed down a little. "Because if you want to scream, you can scream. But just so you know, I'm still going to be here. I'm still going to hold you."

It scared me that she'd gone through all this to try and make me kill her. It disgusted me that she tortured Angel and let me believe he'd died. It hurt me that she said she didn't love me. But it was true what I'd said to her earlier - about me being selfish. I wasn't letting her go, not even if it would be better for her and everybody else involved. I won't.

"This can't end good, B." She whispered. Her head lowered down until it was resting on my shoulder.

She was right. It probably won't. But. "I don't care."