Title: Shared Daze
Author: Lowdeen
Disclaimer: Faith, Buffy, all characters and the show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, and Mutant Enemy. The story contains implied love between two women, so if such things offend you, don't read it and upset yourself.
Spoilers: Up to and including the Second Season and the episode "Revelations" in the Third Season.
Author's Notes: Fifth in the Daze series. Alternate universe set up. Summer before Buffy goes to college. Names remain unchanged.
Rating: R

Clothes strewn across the floor with a wholly random, careless air. Shirts peeled off so fast and with so much violence that a button would be found missing later. Pants crumpled in a heap next to shoes that stood on its side.

All the discarded apparel formed a loose trail leading from the door to the bed.

Flesh touching flesh.

Moans stifled. Breath short and heavy.

Hot mouths moving over sweat covered skin. Tongues flicking off salty sweet moisture, tasting, drinking rolling desire.

Screams swallowed, muffled.

Desires flared, sated, shared.

****

I pressed my lips against the back of her shoulderblade, settling my head against her back. I could still smell 'us' in the air. A musky reminder of what we'd done hanging like a curtain over everything, making me hug her tighter against my skin, hearing her breathe out a soft breath of air.

"Faith," I whispered her name, forming the single syllable lovingly with my tongue. "I love you," I breathed out with a gentle exhalation, feeling her fingers running lightly over mine which were wrapped around her waist.

I didn't expect an answer and I didn't receive one. But I had to say it anyway because the feeling ran so deeply within me that it felt like it was pounding a hole through my heart. It was summer already and it seemed like senior year had flew by in a blur. Graduation had come and gone with all the requisite pomp and circumstance. Caps, gowns, diplomas...the whole ceremony had gone surprisingly smoothly. And when I say surprising, I was referring to the lack of a demon or vampire interrupting the festivities. In Sunnydale, you have to be grateful for small favors like that.

My eyes slipped shut and my mind began closing up shop when the phone next to the bed suddenly rang, loudly snapping me awake and eliciting a muffled curse from Faith who picked the receiver up with a gruff "Hello?" A pause. "What?" Pause. "Wait, no hold up..." A sigh and then she hung up.

"Who was that?" I asked, snuggling into her back.

"Xander," she said irritably. "He's coming over."

I groaned, burying my face into a pillow as Faith sat up, getting off the bed. "What time is it? Why is he coming over now?" I asked, peeking out with one eye and letting my gaze slide lazily along Faith's lithe frame. She turned her head, caught me looking at her and gave me a lopsided smile as she began picking up clothes off the floor.

"Better get dressed, B," she said, tossing me my shirt. "You're gonna give Xander a heart attack if you don't."

I groaned again but took the shirt and began putting it on. My arm was barely through one sleeve when Faith suddenly crawled onto the bed, capturing my lips and kissing me hard, her tongue invading my mouth, sweeping across my own, dominating and submissive at the same time as she let me pull her closer.

Her eyes danced as she pulled back, softening as she continued looking at me. "Better get a move on," she said in a throaty purr, getting off the bed once again as she headed outside.

I sat dazed for a second before shaking it off, feeling a goofy smile beginning to form on my face. I continued dressing, finding that the second to first button on my shirt didn't seem to be there anymore and for some unfathomable reason, I found that amusing. It might have just been the gloriously good mood that I'd found myself in for the last few hours. Whatever the reason, I almost skipped down the stairs a few minutes later, just in time to hear the doorbell ring.

"Hey Buff," Xander said as soon as I opened the door. "We bought doughnuts," he said, brushing past me with Willow and Cordelia following behind him.

"What's going on?" I asked, closing the door behind them. "Is something wrong?"

"Why do you think something's wrong?" Willow asked, turning her head to ask me before disappearing into the living room.

"Well...you're all here," I said, scrunching up my brows as I followed after them. "Not that I'm not glad to see you guys but..well, why are you here?" I asked again, looking at them already settled onto the couch, the bag of doughnuts quickly disappearing.

"I'm here because I was bored out of my skull at home," Cordelia said, picking at her doughnut instead of just eating it like a normal person. "I'm not sure if it'll be any more exciting around here. I doubt it," she shrugged. "But I'm already here so, whatever."

I looked over at Xander again, annoyed that he had to bring Cordy along with him. It seemed like their love-hate relationship was leaning more towards the love side after all these years although the fact that they were in a relationship at all kind of blindsided me. Xander looked at me apologetically before taking a big bite out of his doughnut. Willow surreptitiously rolled her eyes. I knew she didn't get it either but her long time crush on Xander aside, she seemed to have taken the whole thing in stride. Of course, that might have had something to do with Oz. They really were the cutest couple alive, and if not that, they were definitely runner ups in the category.

"This is the last summer we're going to have together before we step into the uncharted territories of being a grown up," Xander quipped, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "I think we should use every last moment wisely."

I openly smirked because he had been acting all nostalgic since graduation. "You sound like we're about to take a step off a high cliff without a parachute."

"And we're not?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Trust me Buff. When we're all old and pruney, we'll look back on this as the last summer of our lost innocence."

"Who lost their innocence?" Faith asked, coming into the room to stand beside me.

I turned to look at her, feeling the goofy grin making its reappearance on my face. "Nobody," Xander sputtered, almost choking on his next bite. "Hey Faith," he said, trying to smile and cough at the same time. We all turned to look at him strangely which only made him duck his head and blush.

She took a seat on the armrest as I grabbed a doughnut and grabbed a seat on her lap. I reached back, letting her take a bite out of it before eating it myself. She wrapped a loose arm around my waist and placed a sticky kiss on my cheek. "Stop that," I said, laughing softly as I elbowed her playfully in the stomach.

"If you guys get any cuter, I might get a cavity," Cordy drily commented.

"Aww, don't be jealous Queen C," Faith shot back with a smirk. "Or aren't you getting enough from Xander?"

Cordelia's mouth snapped shut as she glared in our direction but Faith acted totally oblivious, guiding my hand to her mouth so she could get another bite. She licked the crumbs off her lips in a clearly sensuous display which made me almost lean in to take a lick myself and she must have known what I was thinking because she looked up at me with a wicked smile gracing her face. But as soon as the smile appeared, it was gone just as soon...like it always was.

"So who's up for doing something?" Xander asked, putting an end to the silence that I didn't even notice had settled on the room until it was broken. When nobody answered immediately, he added, "Come on, guys. We've done nothing for the last week. Aren't you bored?"

"What do you want to do?" I asked, my good mood dampened just slightly.

His wide smile was infectious as he paused dramatically. "Miniature golf," he finally said, sitting back with his arms folded against his chest and a satisfied expression on his face.

There were four raised eyebrows in the room, greeting his pronouncement. "You've gotta be kidding me, X," Faith finally said. "That's what you come up with for fun? I'd rather be facing off against five vamps with my hands tied behind my back."

"It's not all bad," Xander protested, sitting up to defend his sport of choice. "It's a game of skill, of strategy ... and you get to play with a colored ball."

"I think I'll pass," she said, lifting me off her lap as she got up and stretched. "Let me know how it turns out though," she said, walking out of the room and back upstairs.

I wasn't much up for miniature golf either, much rather preferring to stay home with Faith but Xander was so persistent that I finally just went along with them. But Xander was right about one thing. It *was* nice that we still had the summer together. And it was also nice that none of us were planning on going away for college --- well, I'm not sure if Xander's going to college at all. He was still kind of reluctant talking about it, making it sound like it was his decision not to go but you could tell that wasn't really the truth.

We all got a ball and a club as we started out on the first hole. My ball was pink and I could already guess what Faith would say if she saw me holding a pink ball.

"You're thinking about Faith again."

"What?" I looked up to see Willow watching me with a knowing grin on her face. "Uh, yeah. I guess I was."

"Well, duh," Cordy said, holding her blue ball between thumb and forefinger. "When is she *not* thinking about her Slayer?" She asked dismissively.

"Well, I think it's sweet," Willow argued. I kind of felt uncomfortable, what with them discussing me and Faith like this. It sounded too much like they were gossiping about me while I was standing right in the middle. "They're perfect for each other, don't you think?" Willow asked.

Cordelia made a noise that I think signified partial agreement. "Ladies, how about we start playing?" Xander asked, breaking in. "There are eighteen holes just waiting for us to conquer them."

Cordelia went up next as she put her ball on the rubber pad and sized up her shot. "Buffy," Willow asked, getting my attention. "Do you think Faith's acting kind of distant lately. You know ... ever since she got back?" I turned my eyes away, focusing on the artificial green of the course as I thought about the answer I was going to give. Of course I'd noticed. And I knew exactly where that distance had come from. But I wasn't going to talk about it, especially not while playing miniature golf.

"She's just trying to get back into the groove of things," I said with a forced smile. "It'll just take a little time." I guess my answer must have satisfied her because she nodded like she understood.

"I think I know what it is," Xander interjected with a serious expression.

My heart sped up a little as I looked at him, my brows furrowing. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's because you're going to be starting college in the fall and she's still going to be in High School ... Buffy, you're going to be dating a high school student," he covered his mouth with one hand as a goofily shocked expression appeared on his face.

"When he gets like that," Cordelia advised, "Just smack him."

****

Faith.

Yeah, that's my name. Sometimes, I wondered if my parents were playing some kind of joke on me when they named me that cause as far as I can tell, whenever I do scrape together a nickel's worth of it, I get it thrown back in my face. And it's not like I'm trying to throw a pity party and invite myself as the honored guest. It's just the truth of my life.

I had faith in my dad. I had faith that he would be there for me whenever I needed him, that he wouldn't die in front of my eyes, beaten to death by his bookies ... but he did. I know he couldn't help dying but shit, the fact was that he'd left me all alone. And he could've changed if he wanted to, if not for himself, then for his family. But that was just ancient history, stuff I can't change, couldn't have changed no matter how much I wanted.

And after that I got passed from one home to another. At first, I didn't know any better. I actually let myself get attached, let myself trust them, let myself have faith. And then what happened? Same shit each and every time. I got my ass shipped off time after time so after while, I smartened up and walled myself off, didn't let myself feel for anyone cause the way I figured, they'd only leave me sooner or later.

That kept going on until I finally met Buffy. For the first time in a long time, I put all my faith in her, let my walls down, told her things I never would've told anyone else. And guess what? That's how I got hurt again. And this time, hurting wasn't even the right word for what I felt. It was like I'd died and my body was somehow still walking around as if it hadn't gotten the memo yet. I didn't like dwelling on that for too long though cause I'd just end up feeling like I had to smash something to feel better. And if I did that, half the furniture in the Summers' home would need to be replaced.

But then something amazing started happening. Well, not amazing exactly but it seemed like that to me. Things actually got better ... took a while but the pain started to dull. It wasn't gone, still there lurking in the background but it was better.

That didn't mean everything was back exactly to the way they were cause every time I looked at Buffy, I felt like I had to look away. If I looked away then she couldn't see me. If she couldn't see me, then she couldn't hurt me. Damn, that sounds insane even in my own mind but I can't help it. Whenever I see Buffy, logic and commonsense take a hike and all I'm left with are all these 'feelings' I don't know how to deal with.

I can see that it hurts her when I act like this. Fuck, it hurts me too. It hurts like hell that every time I look at my girlfriend, all I can see is her kissing another guy. It tears me up when I can't even tell her that I love her without the words catching in my throat and silence coming out of my mouth instead. And I *do* love her. More than anyone else in my life. And that's what makes it hurt so goddamn much.

So instead of hanging with her and Willow and Xander and Cordy, I'm by myself, alone in the cemetery, sitting on someone's gravestone. How fucking pathetic is that, huh? I know the only way things can go back to the way they were is if I let myself open up to her again, let myself trust her again. Basically, I had to put my faith in her and live up to my name despite all that had happened.

If I loved her like I knew I did, a little voice was saying in the back of my head, then I should start doing something about it before I totally screwed up what we had. After a few seconds, I hopped off the stone marker and walked out of the cemetery before I had time to second guess myself. Fifteen minutes later, I was standing outside Sunnydale's mini golf course, pacing back and forth in front of the entrance.

What was I afraid of, I kept asking myself. This is stupid. I should just go in there.

And I did ... after another ten minutes.

I scanned the courses and saw them on the twelfth green. I walked over, trying not to look like I was hurrying even though I was. Willow was the first to spot me and she waved, a big grin on her face. I smiled back, not entirely sure why there was a queasy feeling at the pit of my stomach as I kept getting closer. Maybe it was the way Buffy was looking at me with that soft, concerned expression on her face. It made me feel that someone like me really didn't deserve someone like her.

"Hey," I said, giving a nod to everyone, my eyes flitting over their faces but never staying put for more than a second. "Who's winning?"

"Xander is --- by two strokes," Willow said.

I nodded like I actually cared and just hoped I didn't look like I was about ready to jump out of my skin. My palms were sweating and I shoved them into my pants' pockets. Why the fuck couldn't I just take Buffy aside and talk to her? Cause that's really what I wanted to do --- not stand here like an idiot with my mouth shut and their eyes on me.

"So what's up Faith?" Xander asked. "Have you finally come to your senses and realized that miniature golf is where it's at?"

"Uh, no..." I kept standing there as they kept staring at me waiting for me to say more. What was I doing here? I thought everything would be all right but it wasn't. I thought that as soon as I saw her, I'd know what to say, know what to do but I didn't. Fuck, I couldn't even meet her eyes without flinching.

Then she was next to me, standing mute by my side and I knew she was just waiting for me to make the first move but like every other time before, I couldn't speak --- not that I didn't want to, I just ... *couldn't*. And it made me feel like I was some sort of dummy with a painted mouth on my face that didn't actually work cause it was only there for show.

"Okay then," Xander said with forced enthusiasm as he clapped his hands together, going back to concentrate on hitting his ball into the hole at the other end of the green. Willow and Cordy turned their heads to watch him. I don't think they were actually that interested in his game, more like they wanted to turn away from the train wreck that was about to happen behind them.

"Do you want to take a walk?" Buffy softly asked from my side. I slowly nodded, not really wanting to move but definitely not wanting to stay there either. She gave her club and ball to Willow and I noticed them sharing a look before she turned back towards me. I wondered as we walked slowly out of the park if they'd talked --- talked about this shit between Buffy and me. Now that I thought about it, I figure they must have. They're best friends and they were both heavily into the share and care mode.

And it's not like it bothers me that they talk to each other about personal stuff. It's just that now, it's got me wondering. I shot a quick look at her from the corner of my eye and she was staring straight ahead, a blank expression on her face. She's a pretty hard read when she doesn't want to be read and I guess this was one of those times.

"You think this is really working anymore?" I seriously don't know where that came from. I know I must've said it cause it was my voice filling out the silence but those words just totally came out of nowhere.

She stopped walking, making me come to a stop too. I turned to look at her and I knew I was fucked when I saw the hard edge that'd come into her eyes. Maybe I'd finally pushed her too far, made her realize what a fuckcase she had on her hands.

"What are you trying to say, Faith?" She asked in a soft voice that was a hell of a lot more dangerous than any growling, snarling vamp could ever hope to be.

"You know what I'm saying. *This*. *Us*. It ain't working!" What the fuck was going on? I couldn't be saying this, could I?

... But I was. And, who knows, maybe I needed to say it cause it was coming out whether I wanted it to or not.

She didn't say anything for the longest time, making me fidget as I waited for the big blow up that I was sure was gonna happen. If it was me, it would've happened already.

But she didn't shout or scream or yell. Instead, she lowered her eyes and said in a tired voice, "I don't know what else you want me to do, Faith. I've told you what happened. I've told you I love you ... you *know* I do. But you won't let yourself trust me and I don't know what else to do." Her shoulders were slumped as her eyes found mine again.

I bit my lower lip, feeling the pain like a friend who'd been bumming too long on your couch. She wanted me to say something. Probably waiting for me to tell her how to make it better but I didn't know where to start. "Maybe I'm just not the relationship type," I finally said, looking away.

"Do you want an easy way out?" She asked, her voice rising with each word. "Fine, you're off the hook. If anybody asks, you can just tell them it was all my fault --- that I messed up." She turned on her heel, quickly walking away from me.

I had to ask myself what had happened as I stared after her. I'd come here to work it out with her cause I didn't want our relationship to get stomped on. And I end up stomping on it myself. I wanted to run after her but I just stayed there like there were roots growing out of my feet. I stayed there, staring in the direction she'd gone off to for a few minutes before turning and walking in the opposite direction.

That somehow brought me to a park and I figured it was as good a place as any to waste some time. I sat on one of those little horses with the spring under it and just rocked up and down ... back and forth ... side to side.

I couldn't tell you how long I stayed there, trying to pretend like I was a kid again, all innocence, with no worries in the world and nothing hanging over my head like a fucking black cloud. In the end though, it didn't work cause I still felt dirty. I'd screwed up.

Yet again, I've screwed up, fucked up, messed up, whatever upped. All I had to do was place my trust in her again, let her see me ... the whole me without being scared that I was fixing myself up for another fall. But from what had taken place so far, it didn't look like it was gonna happen for shit.

And who should show up when I was feeling my lowest low? The fucker who'd made me feel this low in the first place.

Angel.

I got off the horse, cracked my knuckles and smiled cause this was the first really good thing that'd happened to me the whole fucking day.

****

I didn't go back miniature golfing. I just wasn't up to a night of forced fun after what had happened.

And I had to wonder. Was that it? Had we broken up? How can you break up with someone who you're still in love with, who you know is still in love with you? How do you just shut yourself off like that?

I turned down one of the main streets in Sunnydale, passing by too many groups of smiling, laughing people and in the mood I was in, I wondered sourly what they had to be so happy about. I stopped at a brightly lit store front window and stared in at the display which happened to be a mannequin dressed in leather. I could definitely picture Faith in that leather. She would look hot too --- of course, she always looked hot and that wasn't just the girlfriend in me speaking.

Maybe I was being too hard on her. Maybe I just had to give her more time and be there for her when she needed me ... maybe, I should grow a damn backbone because I deserved better than to be treated like a lover one minute and an enemy the next. I blew out a frustrated sigh at all the different directions my thoughts were taking.

I remembered the first time we had made love. It had been right after the prom. We had actually skipped most of it because Faith had looked like she'd wanted to bolt the moment she stepped through the doors to the gym. We were still trying to get comfortable around each other at the time and I didn't want to push her if she didn't want to stay.

So we drove around for a little while after that and somehow we ended up at a motel thirty minutes later ...

After that, I thought everything would get better. I thought we would get closer again but we didn't. There was still that distance between us that we couldn't bridge ... that she *wouldn't* bridge and nothing I could say, nothing I could do would close that space unless she wanted it to close. And, obviously, she wasn't ready yet.

Turning away from the display, I walked aimlessly down the street again. I didn't know what to do and I wondered if I shouldn't just leave it that way for the time being because that was what it all came down to --- time. We had to give each other that.

When I got home, all the lights were already out so that meant mom was asleep. I crept up the stairs, trying to use the Slayer stealth to my advantage and hesitated outside Faith's door which still had a light under it. Time, right? I said I'd give it time and that's just what I would do. But I didn't move and I found my hand was slowly reaching out to the doorknob. Hey, what could it hurt to apologize for my outburst earlier? That's all I would do. And then I'd let time do its thing ... yeah, that's it.

I pushed the door in and the first thing my eyes settled on was the bed where Faith was half sitting, half lying on.

"Faith?" I hurriedly closed the door and went to stand next to her. There were icepacks on her right knee, one on her left hand and what looked like a shiner on her right eye. All in all, she looked like she had just gone twelve rounds with a vampire and lost. "What happened?"

She turned her head, refusing to look into my eyes so I reached out a hand and tilted her face back. "You should've seen the other guy," she said with a cocky grin that lacked any of its usual mischievous attitude.

"Who *was* the other guy?" I asked, perching carefully on the side of the bed.

"Some vamp," she said, adjusting the pack on her hand. And from the tone alone, I knew she was leaving out something important. Faith was never the best liar.

"Faith, who was the vamp?" I asked again, already knowing the answer but just needing to hear it from her.

She just looked at me with a placid look on her face, not saying anything at all. "Why?!" I shouted, jumping off the bed as I stared down at her. I noticed her wince a little at my sudden movement but she immediately recovered.

"Why do you think?" She asked, her eyes narrowing in contempt. "In case you didn't hear it the first thousand times, B, the guy's a fucking vampire. What would you have liked me to do? Invite him to a tea party and serve him punch and pie?"

"You know that's not the real reason you did it."

"What? You're reading my mind now?"

I turned around quickly to stop myself from saying anything I was just going to regret the minute it would leave my mouth but I had to clamp down hard on the urge. I took a few seconds to calm down before turning around and sitting down again. "Do you feel better now?" I finally asked, holding onto the ice on her knee so it wouldn't keep slipping off.

"Some parts feel better than others," she admitted in a quiet voice, giving me a smirk which I couldn't help returning even though I knew I shouldn't. "Don't worry, he's not dust yet," she added, almost as if she were regretting that very fact.

"Where is he?"

She snorted out a bitter laugh as she turned her eyes away. "How the fuck should I know? If it was up to me, he'd still be laying unconscious in the park when the sun comes up."

"You *left* him there?" I knew she did. I just couldn't believe she had.

She turned back to stare at me, her eyes unreadable and cold. "You want to help him? Just leave."

I stared back. I knew what this was --- if I left, whatever hopes I still had for our relationship would fizzle out. Maybe they wouldn't completely die but it would be so much harder to patch things up like I'd wanted. If I didn't go, I would be knowingly abandoning someone I still thought of as a friend, someone who had risked his own life to save mine on more than one occasion.

Was there even a choice in the end?

I turned away and left the room, silently closing the door behind me. There were no words. Nothing from her saying I shouldn't leave, nothing from me to say I'd be back. And as I left the house, I felt like something had changed which couldn't be fixed. Pessimistic, wasn't I? But Faith is Faith. And Faith isn't a person who bends easily. She doesn't forgive. It just wasn't in her nature.

I walked to the park, every step of the way making me want to turn right around and go back. What I want and what I have to do --- it seems like I've had that quandary my whole entire Slayer life. It comes par for course, I guess. When you have to protect the world and maintain a life at the same time, some things are just bound to clash. And where did that leave me now? In the land of uncertainty where I've had a lot of vacation time lately.

When I finally got to the park, it wasn't too hard to spot Angel. For one thing, he was lying in the middle of the park, under the swing sets, unmoving and deadly still.

"Are you all right?" I asked, my voice cutting through the silence like a knife as I stood above him, staring down at his opened eyes which were staring unblinking up into the sky.

His eyes slowly tracked towards me and blinked before he answered in a tight voice, "I'm fine."

"I can see that," I said, bending down to help him sit up.

He groaned, grabbing onto his stomach as he looked at me from under his brows. "I guess you know what happened," he said, gritting his teeth and trying to look tough.

I shrugged, neither denying or concurring with it. "Let me see," I said instead, pulling his shirt up to look at the wound despite his weak protests. His whole front side, as far as I could tell, was a mish mash of black and blue marks.

"It's not as bad as it looks," he said, hastily pulling his shirt back down. I didn't have the energy to argue with him. If he said he was fine, I was just going to take him at his word. I went over to one of the swings, sitting down heavily on the seat as I rested my forehead on one of the chains.

"I didn't mean for it to happen," I heard him say. "I just wanted to explain what happened to her."

"Let me guess," I chuckled humorlessly. "She wasn't in the mood to listen."

I was met with silence as he picked himself painfully off the ground and sat down on a swing next to me. We sat there for a few minutes until he broke the silence with a soft admission. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, not because I was curious but because that's what you're supposed to say to be polite.

He didn't seem to mind my lack of interest as he answered. "When I kissed you, I didn't know that you two were ... "

"You couldn't have," I said, feeling like we'd been here before. "I never told you, Angel. How could you have known? So stop blaming yourself. And, in the future, if you feel the need to talk to Faith about this, to square it away with her? Don't."

He nodded, scuffing his shoe on the ground. "Is she okay?" He asked in a guilty voice.

I pulled the swing back, tucking my legs up slightly as I swung gently, the wind ruffling my hair across my face. "I think you're in worse shape than she is," I finally said, aiming a teasing half grin in his direction. He returned it uncertainly and then ducked his head back to stare at the ground. We stayed like that for a long time. I don't think either one of us really wanted the peaceful mood that had somehow developed between us to disappear just yet and we stubbornly clung to it even as it faded away with each passing minute.

****

"What the fuck are you doing here?" It was too early in the morning to be seeing Cordelia in the kitchen, looking at me with her usual 'you're lower than dirt' stare.

"I suppose that's the type of greeting I should come to expect from you," she said, not giving me a second glance as she turned back to the magazine on the counter. As I passed by, I snuck a peak over her shoulder and saw that it was flipped open to one of those stupid girlie polls in one of those stupid girlie magazines.

I opened up the fridge and asked, "Do you feel your brain dripping stupid when you read that trash?" I was just trying to start a conversation but she kind of saw it as me making fun of her so she stomped out of the room in a big huff. And then, as if that weren't bad enough, I started feeling bad for dumping my bad mood on her. What had she done to me anyway? Nothing ... much.

"Hey," I said, going into the living room where she'd parked herself on the couch. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to be so bitchy." She didn't even look at me, pretending like I wasn't even in the room. And she was doing a pretty good job of it too. Seeing as she *was* one of the popular kids, maybe it came from all the practice she got in at ignoring people.

'Was' is the operative word though cause ever since she'd hooked up with Xander, her points have been free falling. I still didn't know how those two happened. They'd probably win the prize if there were a contest calling for the unlikeliest couple. I sat down heavily next to her, taking a swig from the glass of OJ in my hand.

"So where is everybody?" I asked, trying not to show too much curiosity at the question. Aside from sitting down at dinner, I hadn't seen Buffy for a week and I was kinda starting to miss her. Okay, I was probably way past the missing stage.

"They went somewhere," she said, crossing her legs and staring straight ahead at the turned off television.

"Uh huh."

She whipped her head around, pinning me with an angry stare. "What is that supposed to mean?"

I quirked an eyebrow. What crawled up her butt and died? "It means, uh huh," I said slowly, pronouncing the two syllables with a hard edge. She didn't say anything and we spent a couple of seconds just trying to stare each other down.

I finally just decided that I'd had enough and I was starting to get up when she reached out an arm and pulled me down, almost sloshing my orange juice onto my lap. "Hey!"

"Sorry," she said, her hand going to steady the glass in my hand and the apology actually sounded halfway decent this time.

"So you wanna start over?" I asked as she pulled her hand away. At her faint nod, I added, "Good. So, how are you this morning, C?"

She pushed herself up, crossing her arms and looking at everything but me. "We had an argument again. Nothing new." I didn't have to ask who she was talking about. Who else but Xander could get under her skin so much. "And as usual, nobody sees my side of it," she went on. "I don't even know how we lasted this long without killing each other."

"I can't either," I muttered under my breath, grinning as innocently as I could as she turned an icy stare at me. Pausing, I said, "Sometimes, we can't help who we love."

"Did you get that out of a fortune cookie?" she asked, leaning back against the couch. But it didn't come out as biting as it could have. "Is that what's going on between you and Buffy?" She asked, studying me from the corner of her eye. I could tell she was curious more than anything else but it wasn't like this was something I wanted to be thinking about cause if I did, it'd just make me feel like shit. Like I wasn't feeling enough of that lately.

"Whatever's going on between me and B is between me and B." I caught what looked like a hurt expression flashing across her face before she composed her features again. Shit, sometimes, I forgot that Cordelia was actually a human being so, intentionally softening my words, I added, "But I still love her ... maybe too much."

She heaved a sigh that was this side of melodramatic. "Hey, Faith?"

"Yeah?"

She looked at me, her mouth opening but nothing coming out. "Nothing," she finally said, turning her head away. Now that's strange --- Cordelia having nothing to say but I didn't push it. I gulped down the rest of the orange juice and got up, walking back into the kitchen to put the glass in the sink. When I turned around, I was a little surprised that she was standing behind me, closer than I thought she'd be able to get without me knowing. I looked at her, waiting for her to say something cause I could tell she wanted to but it sure took her a long time to get it together.

"You told me ... " she started, looking like she was having a hard time finding the right words. "When you first saw me that day in the quad, that you knew I was different from the crowd I hung around with."

I nodded, not really sure of what she was getting at. But I did remember that conversation. It was one of the few times we'd been alone together and she'd flat out asked me why someone like me was even in the same room with someone like her. And I'd told her honestly, after I told her what a bitch she was, that I thought we were more alike than she thought.

I snapped myself from the trip down memory lane and nodded that I remembered. "What did you see?" She asked. "Was there something about me that was flashing 'different' like some kind of neon sign?"

"What is this about?" All of a sudden, she looked like she was on the cusp of a breakdown. Maybe she'd been on the cusp since I'd walked into the kitchen and I just hadn't noticed the desperation in her eyes. But it looked so clear now.

She turned away, her back towards me as her arms folded across her chest again. "Why am I even talking to you?" She asked but I think she was asking herself more than me.

I leaned against the counter behind me, knowing that she'd tell me cause Cordy was a to the point kind of girl and I wasn't disappointed as she spoke again. "It's just that sometimes, I feel like whatever's inside of me that makes me *me* dies a little whenever I'm with Harmony and those other sheep."

"Then what's the problem? I thought you cut it off with those guys."

She turned back, a bitter smirk on her face. "And what do I have to show for it? For the last couple of months, I've been a social pariah, laughed at behind my back by the same people who used to suck up to me. But I thought that's all right because now I have new friends --- friends that won't abandon me at the first sign of trouble, friends who see me for who I am and like me because of that." She pushed agitatedly at a few strands of hair that had fallen across her face. "But it never feels like I'm a part of this group either. It never feels like I belong ... "

She trailed off, looking at me with something between a plea and condemnation in her eyes. "Have you talked to Xander about this?" I asked, swallowing uncomfortably. I kinda wanted to back up but there was no space to back up to.

She snorted as if what I'd said was ridiculous. "Do you really think I can talk to Xander about this? That I can talk to him about anything?"

"So why are you talking to me about it?" I looked at her curiously as she shrugged.

"Because you're right ... we're more alike than I thought."

I didn't know what to say after the things she'd told me but as I kept looking at her, I knew that I had to say something. I guess I'll start with the truth. "I don't know about anybody else, C but to me, you are a part of this group ... as much as anybody else is."

"You're just saying that," she said softly and I knew the tone. It was the same one you used when you wanted the last piece of cake but said you didn't cause you didn't want to be seen as a pig. Basically, she wanted to believe me.

"I could be ... " I looked at her with the most honest expression I could muster. "But I'm not."

The corners of her mouth quirked up and I gotta say, the girl's even prettier when she's smiling and trying to look like she's not and I wonder how she'd look if she were smiling full out. As I kept wondering, I felt myself leaning forward, mirroring what Cordelia was starting to do herself and before you knew it, we were making out in the middle of the kitchen.

It felt good. Hell, it felt better than good. Nothing slow, nothing tentative --- so hot and fast that it made everything else seem like it was just standing still watching us. And when I pulled back, I didn't have to wonder how she'd look anymore cause she was wearing a smile that lit up her entire face. A smile that made her look absolutely fucking beautiful, even more so than she already was.

But then it turned confused and I could see the wheels beginning to turn in her head. She'd probably do one of two things now. Either she was gonna freak that she'd just kissed a girl, that she'd kissed *me* of all people or she was gonna want to 'talk'. And I didn't want to fuck around with any of that cause I knew the kiss didn't mean a thing when you came down to it.

"What was that?" She asked.

"I'm just taking a wild guess here but I'd say that was a kiss."

"I know that," she said, looking at me like I was retarded. "Why did ... I mean, not that it wasn't good but --"

"But we can't be going down that road," I finished for her. Maybe it would have been different if we'd hooked up earlier but as it was now, there was no chance for this to get off the ground.

We lapsed into silence and I think both of us were trying to come up with something to say which would smooth over what had just happened but before we could do that, the sound of the front door opening almost made her bolt out of the room.

****

I was really getting tired of playing mediator to Xander and Cordelia's little spats. I didn't even know how I got dragged into the role in the first place but there I was again that morning, stuck in between the two of them as they sniped at each other about their latest bone of contention which I couldn't even remember now, a half hour later. I think if I asked them, they wouldn't remember either.

Sometimes, I wondered what it was that was holding them together as a couple. A few seconds after that, I'd remind myself it was none of my business even though they were pulling me into their business every time they argued. But their arguments always ended up with them making up so I wasn't too worried that morning when they had another spat.

Xander had dragged me out of my own house to cool off which took a couple of blocks. Usually when he was in that mood, he just needed someone to sound off on and, aside from a few well placed "yeah's" and "uh-huh's", I didn't really have to say too much.

The first thing he did when we got back home was to call out to Cordelia who came rushing out of the kitchen to meet him. That was weird though because, usually, she'd act aloof, waiting for him to apologize or make the first move. Instead, she smiled when she saw us and pulled him out of the house before I even got a few steps inside. I was left standing inside the front door, wondering what had just happened when Faith walked out of the kitchen.

"Hey," she said, giving me a tenuous smile.

"Hey," I said back, giving her an equally tenuous smile. And that pretty much sums up what it's been like between us for the past week --- awkward, tense, polite to the point of rudeness ... does that even make sense?

We stood there, silent and unsure. I was just trying not to fidget when she gave me a last wan smile and went into the living room. As soon as she did, I leaned against the wall next to me and bumped my forehead against the smooth surface.

Strangers.

That's what we had turned into. Strangers that just happened to live in the same house together, that just happened to sit across from each other at dinner every night, that just happened to have been lovers, and that just happened to still love each other after everything that had happened.

Strangers.

The word was like a curse, making me feel hollow and empty. I pushed off of the wall, stopping by the kitchen for some soda before walking towards the living room, hesitating only a second before moving to sit on the couch next to Faith. The TV was on, tuned into a local news report that was talking about the weather forecast for the next five days.

"So what's with Xander and Cordy?" She asked, surprising me so much so that I almost spit out the sip of soda I'd taken. It wasn't the question that surprised me so much as that she'd actually said something without me asking something first.

"They had their usual weekly argument," I said, composing myself. "What else is new?" I hadn't intended to sound so callous about it but when it's just one after another and you keep finding yourself dragged into the middle, it just wears a little thin after a while.

But I wondered why she would bring it up at all. Maybe Cordelia had mentioned it to her just now since Faith had never shown much interest in their rocky relationship before. Sometimes, I even thought she got a kick out of seeing them trading barbs back and forth.

I glanced over at her to see what she was thinking about and saw a faraway look in her eyes. "Faith?" I called out, getting her attention back.

"Yeah," she said, suddenly looking like she'd been caught doing something wrong. And then the sneaking suspicion I'd had ever since I'd walked through the front door and seen Cordelia almost running out of the kitchen began to swallow me whole. I saw the knowledge come into her eyes just as it flared in my mind. I didn't have to say anything for the question to pass between us so I waited grimly for her answer because I knew I wouldn't like what she had to say.

"Nothing much happened," she said calmly although she wouldn't look me directly in the eyes while she was saying it. "We just kissed ... one little kiss. It just happened."

"It just happened?" I repeated dully to myself, trying to wrap my mouth around those bitter words. And then the resentment that had built up during all those weeks I'd been made to feel like the bad guy in the relationship after I'd kissed Angel boiled over. "How the hell can you say that to me with a straight face?!" I yelled. "Is this your twisted way of getting back at me for what I did?"

"Tit for tat," she answered with a hollow look in her eyes as a sneer came over her lips. "The way I see it, we're even now."

And right then, I wanted nothing more than to slap that expression from her face, slap her until she realized how not right things had turned out. It was almost like somewhere along the way, someone had turned off all the lights and we were shuffling around blind, pretending like we weren't bumping into things every other step and hoping that someone would come help us.

I looked at her, disgusted. "Was that how you saw this? As a way to get back at me?"

"Unlike what you might think," she said. "Not everything's about you, B. The whole fucking universe doesn't revolve around you and I didn't go in kissing Cordy to prove some point to you. But you can't really throw it back in my face without looking like some kind of hypocrite, now can you?"

"I don't even know you anymore," I said, squeezing the words from my throat as I stood up. But apparently, she hadn't finished yet either because she stood up too, standing in my way so I couldn't move past her.

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She asked, hotly, her face inches from mine. "So, when you kiss someone, I'm just supposed to shut my eyes and forgive you but when I kiss someone, you get on your goddamn high horse and stare down your nose at me like I'm lower than shit?"

"I never kissed Angel --- he kissed me. There's a difference."

"Not to me there isn't. So tell me how you feel now, B. Do you feel like your heart's been ripped out, squeezed dry and then shoved back down your own throat?" She cracked a humorless smile, looking me up and down with contempt. "If you do then you have a little sample of what I've been feeling for the last couple of weeks. Cause whatever lame excuses we come up with, whatever words we use to try and explain things away, it doesn't matter for shit in the end cause we both hurt each other. We can't fucking change that."

I felt tired all of a sudden. All the energy sucked out by the weight of what had happened and what might yet happen. I slumped back onto the couch, closing my eyes and welcoming the darkness that immediately surrounded me. After what seemed like forever but was probably more like a few minutes, I felt something warm touching the inside of my thigh.

My eyes slid open, watching Faith who was crouched on the floor between my legs, her hand so hot, it was scorching where it was touching my thigh. As soon as I saw her eyes, lit behind with something so primal that it literally took my breath away, I instinctively reached out, pulling her closer. Running my hands through her hair in nothing so much as a rough gesture that let us both know that nothing was forgiven, I closed the space between us, crushing our lips together in a kiss brutal enough to draw blood.

She rose up onto the couch, her knee starting to dig into my crotch, making me gasp into her mouth. I pulled her in closer, needing to feel her skin against mine, needing to feel the familiar burn running through my body when I touched her.

"Buffy?!" Shit.

"MOM!"

Faith shot to her feet, a panicked expression on her face, leaving me sitting on the couch and looking over at my mom who was standing at the doorway, her hand fluttering over her chest like some kind of heroine in a cheesy romance novel. "Wh--what are you doing here?" I asked, stalling for time as my mind raced with all the possible excuses I could give her for what she'd seen.

"I needed to get some pictures I'd forgotten." She shook her head as if to get her focus back on track. "What ... what was going on here?" She asked, gesturing vaguely between us.

I looked over at Faith who was looking at me, her eyes as wide as saucers. I looked back at mom who had the same look in her eyes and was staring at me just as intently. "I ... *we* were kind of ... kissing?" It came out sounding like I was ashamed of what we'd done, that we'd been caught doing something dirty when that was the furthest thing from the truth.

"When ... how ...?" I don't think she knew what to ask. If I were in her position, I don't think I would know either. But before I could even begin to diffuse the situation, the phone rang, making all three of us jump up a little. It continued ringing, grating on every one of my nerves until I finally walked over and picked it up since no one else seemed inclined to move.

"Hello?" I asked, the strain of the situation making me snap out the greeting.

"Um ... hello? Buffy? This is Giles."

"Can this wait?" I asked, my eyes flitting between my mom and Faith, both of whom still looked like they were frozen to their respective spots. "I kind of have a situation here."

"I don't think it can Buffy," he answered. And for the first time, I finally noticed the tension running through his own voice. "I think it would be a very good idea if you and Faith come down to the library right away. It actually concerns her more than you."

"All right," I said, wondering how I could get away from mom without giving her the real reason why I had to leave. "We'll be right there." I hung up as mom looked at me expectantly. "We have to go."

"Go?" she asked, her eyebrows hiking up into her hairline. I grabbed Faith by the arm, pulling her towards the front door. "Buffy? Faith? Where are you going? I want to sit down and talk to you both about this."

"We'll be right back," I promised. "We just have to go to the library first --- overdue books, y'know?"

I hope she bought that.

I hope she even bought half of that.

****

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God --" Buffy had been mumbling that over and over since we'd walked out of the house and I don't even think she knew she was doing it.

"B, I don't think God's gonna help us with this one," I said, cutting her off around her hundredth 'Oh God'.

"What?" She looked at me blankly and then shook her head. "Did she look mad to you? Don't answer that. She probably is." She groaned, looking heavenward as if that would bring about her salvation or something. "This is like some bad made for TV movie of the week. Could she have found out in a worse possible way?"

"We could have had our clothes off." Somehow, my little joke didn't go over so well.

"We practically did," she moaned, a horrified expression on her face. "If she'd come in a few minutes later ... Faith, my mom would have seen us naked." She actually shuddered at the thought and I couldn't say it didn't send a shiver down my own spine too.

"Hey, c'mere," I said, making up my mind to do something about this right now. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to a stop. "So what do you want to do, B? We both know it hasn't been going too well lately. It hasn't since --- fuck, I don't want to get into that again but now's the time for *you* to tell me what you want."

"What do I want?" She asked as if asking herself the same question. Looking at me in that way she has which always makes me feel like I was burning up all over, she wrapped her arms around my neck. "I want you, Faith. Forget everything else --- forget about everyone for a second. Let's just pretend it's just us. Me and you, Faith. I can't get over you because I don't want to."

A tiny smile flitted around the corners of her mouth, waiting patiently for me to make my decision. I took a deep breath, saying something I knew I should've done awhile ago if only I weren't being such a total moron. "So, uh, I'm sorry about being such a total bitch before," I apologized, my eyes staring down somewhere around her neck. "It's not that I don't trust you, B. I know you love me." I looked up, drawn into her eyes again which looked like two shimmering pools of warm green. "You do love me, right?" I asked, suddenly feeling the doubts creep in. As she nodded, I continued. "It's just that ... I have a hard time believing that someone like you could love someone like me. And it scares the living shit out of me that you'll finally realize that sometime down the road and leave me. I couldn't take it, B."

She placed a gentle hand on my cheek. "So you'll live your whole life scared?" She asked, a sadness in her eyes.

"I don't want to," I whispered, my voice strained, almost to the point of cracking. "I just don't know how to stop myself."

"Believe in *us*, Faith," She said, pulling me closer like she was trying to protect me from myself. "It's that simple."

I barked out a laugh as she looked at me through her lashes. "This is me you're talking to, B. Nothing with me is that simple ... but I guess that's what I'll have to do if I don't want to mess this up."

"I guess that's what you'll have to do," she repeated, moving so close that I thought I could almost hear her heartbeat starting to increase. "And I guess I'll have to be there to remind you every so often."

I watched in amazement as a grin started to form on her face, not that I hadn't seen it often enough, just that every time I saw it, something inside me just melted. A simple smile, a touch, a look. No one made me feel like this besides Buffy and as I closed that final distance between us, I knew in my heart, she felt the same way about me --- she told me often enough and I think it was finally starting to sink in.

We pulled apart only cause we were standing in the middle of the sidewalk and some people were starting to walk around us. "Mom will understand ... I hope," she added as we continued walking towards the school. Unlike Buffy, I wasn't that worried about mom. Mrs. Summers was a pretty understanding woman --- she adopted me when nobody else wanted to and that ranks high on my list. But I did have to wonder if she regretted it now. I really hope not cause to me, Joyce *is* my mom and I need her in my life.

Buffy's hand reached for mine and we held onto each other. It was one of those things that just feels *right*, so natural that it happens even when you're not aware of it and if you don't do it, you feel like you're missing out on something. We walked in a comfortable silence until we got to the library.

"--usually very prompt. I'm sure... "

Giles' voice trailed off as Buffy and me walked through the swinging doors. He looked almost relieved as he glanced back at the woman he'd been talking to before we came in.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked, stopping in front of the two of them. "What's the big emergency? If it's not about some big demon bent on the total annihilation of the human race or something equally important for you to pull me away from a family situation that was just about to blow up, you'll have two pissed off Slayers on your hands."

Giles got really red in the face as he took off his glasses and began cleaning them. I think if he rubbed any harder, the lenses would pop out. The woman began looking me and B over and there was something in her eyes that I didn't like. It was the same look that told you the person looking was just wondering how to screw you over. She spoke up then with this accent that sounded even more English than Giles --- something I never thought I'd be able to say.

"I presume you two are the Slayers," she said, her eyebrow cocking and her arms folded behind her back like some kind of wannabe school teacher about to start lecturing ... two things I can't stand right off the bat.

"What's it to you?" I asked, getting into what Buffy would call my defensive mode which meant I was gonna give nothing but lip.

"My name is Gwendolyn Post," she said, totally ignoring my attitude. "I was sent from the Watcher's Council to be your new watcher, Faith. And from what I've seen so far ... " She aimed a little sneer at Giles that wasn't missed by anybody. "I couldn't have come at a better time. From what I've been able to gather from Mr. Giles, summers in Sunnydale are unusually idle in terms of demon activity so we'll have plenty of time to work on undoing the substandard training you've been exposed to so far."

"Wait, what gives you the right to march in here and ... give orders and start training?" Buffy asked, clearly bristling at the dig at Giles.

"The Council gives me that right," she said with a supremely cocky attitude.

I looked over at Giles, hoping he'd tell her something different but he gave me nothing to work with. "If the Council thinks it's appropriate for a second Watcher to be assigned ... it would be best if we cooperate," he ended lamely, starting to fold his arms but then lowering them to his side again. I'd always thought of Giles as some kind of super research guy --- cute and nerdy, not always calm but definitely always in control. But now he was getting his cage rattled big time.

"Let's go, Faith," Post said, grabbing her jacket from the back of a chair and brushing past me to walk to the door. I took one last look at both Giles and Buffy before following her out the door. If she turned out to be a total uber bitch, I could always just walk away. I mean, what the fuck could she do to me? Put me on probation? Yeah right. She needed me more than I needed her.

"Mr. Giles suggested the gym as the most optimal place to train," she said as I followed her down the hall. And even her walk looked like someone had rammed a rod straight up her ass. Fuck, you'd think the Council had a required class to teach that trait to all its Watchers cause even Giles had some of that stiff English 101 in him --- not as much but still ...

I've gotta say this much for her though--- her idea of training is about a hundred times tougher than what Giles usually puts me through so by the time she called a stop to it, I was about ready to fall down, dead. "I think that's about as much as you can take today," she said, coming over to stand in front of me. "Not as bad as I thought but you can use improvement."

"Yeah, thanks," I said as sarcastically as I could sucking in air like a friggin Hoover. I would've told her to go screw herself but some small part of me liked it --- not her exactly but her style. No nonsense, tells you straight out when you're not giving a hundred and ten percent and a split second before you're ready to throw down, she gives you that little bit of praise that makes you think that, hey, maybe the pain was worth it after all. At least to me it does.

"I was going to share this information with Mr. Giles but I think this will prove to be a valuable training exercise," she continued, handing me a towel. "Plus, if you succeed, I'll have something positive to report to the Council ... that Miss Summers isn't the only capable Slayer in this town."

"What are you talking about? Me and B are a team."

She looked at me as if pitying a dog that had gone lame. "I know you think that," she said, her voice going soft. "But other people ... they only see you as an accident. A back up to the one true Slayer. Expendable. But we're going to prove them wrong, aren't we Faith?"

I tried pretending like her words didn't matter to me but I could feel it fucking with my head already. Being second best and a fallback girl weren't exactly the labels I wanted tacked onto my back even if it was Buffy standing in front of me. "What do you want me to do?" I asked, watching the smile creeping across her face.

"Have you ever heard of a Demon named Lagos?"

It might've been the blank stare on my face that tipped her off as to my total and complete lack of knowing. So she went on to tell me how Lagos was here in Sunnydale looking for some Glove that would make him powerful and shit. Whatever. All I needed to know was that Glove + Lagos = Bad fucking news. So I didn't gripe when she suggested I go hunt around the graveyards that night to try to find this Glove before Lagos did.

Buffy found me just after I left Post and right before I was going to run a patrol. She seemed real pissed off about something and I didn't need to guess what it was that had set her off either cause the first words out of her mouth were, "Can you believe what that Mary Poppins said to Giles? It got him so rattled that he's actually having me do extra training. Like there's going to be anything happening anyway."

"She's just doing her job," I muttered, walking out of the school's door with her.

"You sound like you're defending her. Did she brainwash you or something?"

"Fuck it, no," I said, getting irritated over all of the stupid questions she was asking. "Look, the way she treated G-man wasn't right but she just got here and she's trying to get the hang of it. So just cut her a break, okay?"

"All right. I'm sorry," she said, touching me lightly on the arm. "I didn't know you felt that way, Faith. I promise I'll try and cut her some slack from now on, okay?" She smiled at me, apologetic and sweet, melting the anger building inside.

"You wanna meet at the Bronze later?" I asked, returning her smile. "I've been itching with cabin fever lately and anyway, I miss dancing with you." I said in that husky voice I know turns her on and I wasn't surprised to see the faint blush spreading across her cheeks in the dimming light. "After that, we can go home and tell your mom everything. But I'd just like to have some kickass fun before facing the music. What d'ya say?"

"All right," she said, giving me a good-bye kiss that gave me some extra motivation to get the patrol over and done with. I left her, my fingers trailing down her chest and made a turn to the right. If I was lucky, I'd find this Glove tonight and still have plenty of time left over to melt the dance floor with Buffy.

****

"Oh, not again!" I couldn't hear my own shout as Faith threw Angel onto a low slung table, causing it to splinter with a resounding crack. Xander had come running into the Bronze earlier, telling me he'd spotted them trying to tear each other apart. And, of course, I'd immediately followed him back to the mansion Angel had moved into a couple of weeks ago where the scene of them pounding on each other had immediately greeted my eyes.

I ran over, pushing Faith firmly out of the way. "Stop!" I shouted, putting one hand in front of me to ward her off as I gestured for Angel to stay down with the other hand. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked, not trying to temper any of the anger I felt.

"Why don't you ask him?" Faith asked just as hotly, her fists clenching tightly at her sides. I looked at Angel, keeping an eye on Faith who still looked like she wanted to kill him.

"She was trying to take the Glove of Myhnegon," he said tersely, staring reproachfully at her.

"Wait," I said, stopping him. "What Glove?"

"It's some power boosting gadget," Faith irritably interjected. "But that's the fucking point. Can we really trust a fucking vampire to be holding this big power in his hands?"

I gave her another look which made her snap her mouth shut. "Angel?" I said, giving him the verbal go ahead to explain what was going on. He got to his feet, brushing the tiny shards of wood off his clothes. Faith visibly tensed but didn't try to make another move.

"I got it from a source that Lagos was in town hunting for the Glove. I just happened to know where it was before he did so I took it."

"Give it to me?" I asked, directing the question to him as I walked over to Faith. The situation momentarily diffused as far as I could tell, I placed a hand on her arm which was still tense. "Faith? What's going on?"

She looked at me, some strange amalgamation of resentment and apology swirling around the brown depths of her eyes. And without answering, she turned, walking out the door past Xander who I had completely forgotten had been standing there the whole time in the first place.

"Xander," I said, getting his attention. "Take the Glove and get it over to Giles, okay? We'll deal with it in the morning." I barely waited for him to nod before taking off out the door. Standing in the courtyard, I wasn't sure which way Faith had gone but I just let my instincts take over, guiding my feet down one street after another until I saw the familiar shadowy form walking in the distance. I ran up to her, not calling out because I didn't think she'd stop. Quite the opposite, she'd probably run.

Grabbing her arm and spinning her around, I asked again, "What is going on?"

"Why do you think anything's wrong?" She asked with a smirk and then said in a mocking way, "There's nothing more to fear when Super B's here."

"Why are you saying this?" I asked, desperately trying to make sense of what was happening even as everything seemed to pass me by too fast. "Faith?" I said, the simple word entreating her to open up.

Her eyes softened by degrees. "I'm sorry ... it's just my head --- it's all fucked up." She bit out a frustrated grunt as she took me by the shoulders, her hands wrapping behind my neck as she placed her forehead against mine. "The Glove," she whispered. "Post was telling me how I had to get it cause I needed to show the Council guys I wasn't just some second string backup who couldn't pull her own weight."

"No --" I tried to tell her that that was a lot of bull but she kissed me, abruptly cutting me off. It was more as a comfort than a passionate outlet and as she pulled away, I hugged her, resting my head against her shoulder.

"I know it's all a load of crap," she continued in a soft voice. "Hell, I knew it as soon as she said that stuff but some of it got to me anyway. And when I saw Angel with the Glove ... it was just easier to blame him, y'know?"

"There's something wrong about her and it's not just because I don't like her," I said, pulling away so I could look at her.

"I know," she nodded. "But can we just deal with this in the morning? I think I've been pulled around by the nose enough for one night."

"Yeah, the Glove's not going anywhere. I sent Xander to take it to Giles for now." I hesitated, hating to bring it up right when she thought it was over but ... "There's also mom to deal with." Before I even got the last syllable out, she groaned out loud, throwing her head back and staring up into the sky.

"Fuck," I heard her mutter, eventually lowering her head to look at me again. "We are so fucked," she said and I couldn't argue that.

We walked back to the house, neither one of us really going that fast but sooner than I wanted, we were standing in front of the front door, debating which one of us would actually go in first. But we didn't have to worry about that because the door suddenly jerked open with mom staring at us from the other side.

"Where were you two?" She asked, clearly seething. I opened my mouth to answer but she held up a hand, stopping the words in my mouth. "Get in." She stepped aside, letting us both go in, our heads bowed as we sat down on the sofa. She came to stand in front of us, her arms folded across her chest. I couldn't tell what she was feeling from her face because I absolutely refused to look above her chin but even her chin looked kind of angry.

"I don't even want to know where you've been for the last five hours," she finally said after being silent for a few minutes. "Because that's not really what's concerning me right now ... How long has this been going on?"

The leather squeaked as Faith squirmed in her seat next to me. "Since last summer," she answered, her voice surprisingly steady as she glanced over at me before her eyes settled on mom. "A little while before I got dragged away."

Mom didn't say anything for a moment as she looked intently at Faith but then she closed her eyes, one hand going up to rub at the spot right between her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, her voice fainter than it had been a minute before.

"We weren't sure how you'd react," I said, feeling suddenly guilty for the deception.

"So you didn't tell anyone else?"

Again, I felt like burying my head in the sofa cushions or better yet Faith's shoulder. "Well ... " I hesitated as she looked at me, an expression of dread crossing her face. "Everybody else kind of knows already."

She sighed, looking back and forth between the two of us as if trying to come to some sort of decision. "There's really nothing I can do," she finally said as if the realization was just now dawning on her. "I don't ... it's just that I've never ... " She struggled trying to find the right words. "You haven't ... have you?" We both tried looking anywhere but at her and she gave a little whimper, covering her mouth with one hand.

A tense silence blanketed all three of us before being broken by Faith. "I love Buffy," she said, directing the statement at both mom and me. "I can't help it. My life wouldn't be worth living without her because she's the best thing in it. Please understand that," she pleaded, looking at mom with an utterly heartbreaking expression, waiting for her to say something.

"There's going to be some new ground rules from now on," mom said, her arms dropping to her sides in resignation. I turned to Faith, watching as a grin started splitting her face --- the same one which was probably being mirrored in mine. Mom was actually okay with this, with 'us'. I couldn't believe it had been so easy ... that was until she actually detailed the ground rules which included, among other things, no more sleeping in the same room together at night.

"But mom -- " I said starting to complain. But the look in her eyes made me think better of it and instead, I ended up sulking about it in silence. When she was done listing what we could and could not do from now on, she blew out a sigh and stated that she was going off to bed because the conversation we'd just had had tired her out more than an eighty hour work week could ever do, accompanying the statement with a wan smile that took most of the sting out of it.

That finally left me and Faith alone in the living room and I immediately laid down, resting my head in her lap as soon as mom disappeared up the stairs. Her fingers stroked my hair in a gesture that soothed me to my core and I closed my eyes, just enjoying this private moment together.

"It went a hell of a lot better than I expected," I heard her say, the smile in her voice apparent as it floated down to my ears.

"I know but did she have to lay down those rules?" I asked, not surprised when it came out more of a whine than an actual question.

"I think it's more for her peace of mind that we're not doing it in her house. Kinda like a buffer zone."

I waited a beat before abruptly switching topics on her. "So what was with the kiss between you and Cordelia?" I turned onto my back and opened my eyes so I could see her face. And right then, it was reddening slightly.

"Like I said, it wasn't ... she was feeling depressed ... " she trailed off.

"And you thought kissing her would cheer her up?"

She quirked one eyebrow as she stared down at me. "It works for you doesn't it?" Now it was my turn to blush. "But seriously, B, you've got nothing to be jealous of. Queen C's got nothing on you." Her fingers came down, stroking my cheek.

"So we're okay now?" I asked, hesitantly, trying to gauge her reaction. She seemed to be giving the question due consideration and after a brief silence, her eyes regained their focus and she tenderly caressed the side of my face.

"I think we are," she stated simply, a smile beginning to form on her face. I raised my hands, wrapping them around her neck and urging her head lower as I met her halfway in a gentle kiss.

I groaned again as we parted. "I can't believe she won't let us sleep in the same room together," I said again, sitting up in her lap. "It's not fair." She chuckled softly, as her arms slid around my waist. "This isn't funny," I said, pouting at her.

"No, I guess not," she said, grinning up at me. "But knowing you and how stubborn you are, I'm guessing it won't be long before you get her to bend that rule."

"You have that much faith in me?" I asked, smirking at her.

"I figured it was 'bout time I started living up to my name."

****

"Fun, fun, fun," I muttered, right before I got thrown halfway across the room by Lagos. But at least my pain distracted him enough so that Buffy could chop off his head with an axe when he bent down to pick up the Glove. A sharp pain lanced through my back as Xander lent me a hand up and I spent a couple of minutes trying to stretch it out.

"He chased me all the way here," Xander was saying. And by 'here', I guess he was talking about Giles' bachelor pad which we'd pretty much trashed in about five minutes.

"Is this ... is this the Glove of Myhnegon?" Giles asked, picking the ugly ass thing off the floor.

"Yeah, I think it started with an M," Buffy said, looking over at me.

I shrugged. Like I could remember --- all I knew was, this thing had caused me nothing but trouble all day. No sooner had we started winding down then the phone call had come from Giles telling us that his door was being kicked in by a very ill tempered demon. And off we had gone like two mice in the night, trying hard not to tip off mom that we'd gone out again.

I zoned back into the conversation just in time to hear Buffy talking about how Post had told me to find it for her.

"Highly unusual training method," he muttered to himself. "Pardon me while I make a few calls."

"You all right?" Buffy asked, coming over to me and placing a hand on my back.

"Yeah, just a bad bounce. You know me, I'll be fine in a few hours." I dropped down onto the couch, lying on my front side with my head resting on my folded arms as I waited for Giles to finish his phone call.

"So guys, anyone want to enlighten me on who this Post woman is?" Xander asked, picking up a vase from off the floor.

"If Mary Poppins and Dwight Eisenhower had a love child, she'd be Post," Buffy answered with a grimace. "And, can you believe it, this is the person the Council appointed as Faith's new Watcher."

"Actually, that's not quite true," Giles said, hanging up the phone and taking off his glasses. "That was the Council on the phone. Apparently, Mrs. Post was fired from the Watcher's Council for misuse of dark power. They're sending someone over to deal with her. In the meantime, I think the Glove will be safer with the two of you."

Buffy gingerly took the Glove from his hand like it was going to bite her. And all three of us turned to hustle out of there but mom was standing in the frigging doorway, looking like she was gonna be sick.

"Mom," Buffy said, looking like she was about ready to get sick too. "What are you doing here?"

"I followed you," she muttered, peering past us to the headless body still lying in the middle of Giles' living room floor. "What's going on here?"

The next half an hour or so felt like deja vu --- y'know that feeling that you've done it already? It was pretty much like the coming out talk we'd had earlier, only with more Hellmouthy parts thrown in. Actually, mom took it a hell of a lot better than I thought she would. Maybe cause she was probably still in shock about the first talk. Whatever it was, there was no yelling, no screaming, no arguments and after that half an hour, we left Giles' pad with the headless guy still hanging in the middle of the room. Thing about slaying that I've always hated has been the cleanup. And for that night at least, we weaseled out of it. I knew he was gonna bring it up tomorrow but that was tomorrow.

We made it back to the house without any other big revelations spilling out. Mom went to up to her room immediately. I gave Buffy a good night kiss before going into my own room and I didn't miss the pout on her face either when the door swung closed on her but what were we gonna do? Shit always sorts itself out sooner or later.

And that was pretty much how it went for the next couple of days. Post disappeared --- she didn't even stop by to say good bye. But that was probably cause the Council was on her ass by that time. One of the fashionably tweedy also stopped by to pick up the Glove and was I glad to finally be rid of that ugly ass thing. I'd been keeping it in the back of the closet till then cause I didn't even want to look at it and it gave everybody else the creeps.

So almost everything was squared away. True, Cordy and I had been kinda avoiding each other but I think both of us knew that there ain't never going to be anything developing between us so, as far as that was concerned, the ignoring thing probably would probably blow over after awhile. That left me with one other thing I needed to do --- something I'd been putting off cause I knew it was gonna get messy.

Pushing open the door, I looked around in the dim room. "Knock, knock," I said, closing the door behind me and shutting out the slanting rays of the sun. "Anybody home? I swear I'm not here for another fight."

The room was what you'd call real under-furnished. Not much in the way of creature comforts but there were a couple of books scattered on the desk with titles that I couldn't even pronounce.

"What do you want?"

I looked up and saw Angel skulking in a dark corner of the room. "Believe it or not, I'm just here to apologize for what happened. I jumped to conclusions." I shrugged. "My bad."

He took a step forward, still looking nervous. "Honest mistake."

"Right ... anyway, that doesn't mean I like you or anything. First sign of you even thinking about going evil and I'll happily stake you."

He nodded. "And I'm sorry about what happened with Buffy -- "

"I know, I know," I said, cutting in. "You're sorry. Yeah, well, that don't count for shit. All I know for sure is that you've got the hots for my girl and as long as you still do, we're never gonna be bosom buddies. But I'm over being the jealous girlfriend now cause I know she loves me. It took me awhile to get that but trust me, I've got it ... plus, I can't really blame you for falling in love with her. I sure did." I gave him a tiny smirk as I left him standing there with a thoughtful expression on his

Sangre Daze