Title: Sangre Daze
Author: Lowdeen
Disclaimer: Faith, Buffy, all characters and the show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, and Mutant Enemy. The story contains implied love between two women, so if such things offend you, don't read it and upset yourself.
Spoilers: Up to and including the Fourth Season and one episode of the Fifth (The one with the Toth Demon).
Author's Notes: Sixth in the Daze series. Alternate universe set up. Freshman Buffy --- senior Faith. Names remain unchanged. This fic really messes with the canon timeline cause I throw episodes from both the third and fourth seasons into the mix.
Rating: R

"Miss Spencer!"

I literally froze midstride, biting back the curse that automatically came to mind as I slowly turned around. I must've put on the fakest fucking smile on my face as Snyder came walking up to me.

"You do realize school started thirty minutes ago, do you not?" He asked with a gleam in his cold, cold eyes.

"Kinda hard when you don't have a watch," I said, holding up my bare wrist. Smartass remarks like that don't help me get on his good side either but no way was I gonna be a toadie for him.

His lips pinched together, making it look like he had no lips. Frightening. "Detention. Today. You know the room." With that pronouncement, he stomped his way up the hall.

I swear, since Buffy's taken off for college, he's been using me as his personal pin cushion, writing me up for the stupidest little things. So I was half an hour late. What was the big deal anyway? It wasn't like I was going to miss some earth shattering lecture that was gonna change my life --- bore me to death was more like it. Without Buffy and everybody else around, school was even more of a fucking chore than it'd ever been. And it wasn't like my grades really mattered after junior year. If I were to go to college --- which I'm still not sure about --- they wouldn't care about senior year cause they know everybody slacks off by then. So I gotta believe that Snyder's being a prick for the sake of being a prick.

I pulled out some big, heavy textbook from my locker before slamming the door closed and walking to a class which is more than half over already. I'm sure the teacher will appreciate my presence anyway, seeing as how I contribute so much by sleeping in the back of the room and not disturbing the learning process going on around me. I've been late so many times that he barely glanced over at me when I walked in.

Whatever.

Like I said, it sucks ass that all of my friends have graduated. There's nobody to talk to, nobody I want to talk to anyway cause let's face it, I'm not some social butterfly. Never been one to seek out other people, especially if most of 'em are total and complete morons. You'd have to be if you're still living in Sunnydale. Nine out of ten times, you'll end up vampire chow even if you've got two full time Slayers on the prowl. That's just the odds.

I slouched further down in my seat, my eyes about glazed over as I tapped the end of my pen on the textbook lying unopened on the desk. Looking past one of the varsity players sitting to my left, the urge to get the fuck out of here struck again as the perfect sunny day called to me like some siren's song. Weather like that just begs to be enjoyed. I could be having tons of fun exposing vamp nests to natural light but instead, I'm stuck inside listening to ... the process of human reproduction? As taught by the phys. ed. teacher.

I just want to gouge my eyes out right now. Health is one of those classes that I've been putting off and putting off till it sneaked up behind me and took a nice honking chunk out of my ass. Now I realize with excruciatingly painful clarity why I've been avoiding it for as long as I have. It friggin bites. And no sooner does the bell ring, then I bolt the hell outta there.

And to think, if Howard hadn't doctored my records, I'd still be a junior for having missed most of last year. If I ever see that guy again, I'm totally giving him a thank you card or something cause he did it without me even asking. The rest of the day passed by in some sort of haze but at least Coach got me out of detention cause she said I had more important things to do. Running around a big oval track beats sitting in a room staring at the teacher anyday.

So after I put in the miles, I finally went off to do something I actually wanted to do. Or at least, I *was* going when Giles came out of nowhere and stopped me.

"Hey G-man. I'm kinda in a hurry. Whassup?"

He gives me this look that tells me to shut up only he's too polite to actually say that out loud. "We need to step up your training before patrol tonight," he says instead. "I think we've all been too lackadaisical lately on that front. Please let Buffy know."

"Yeah, sure. No prob," I said, already walking away with a wave and a wink. Every so often, Giles gets into one of these moods where he thinks we need to work harder. You get used to it after awhile. I think he's just trying to justify the big bucks the Council pays him. But I don't ask the reasons why, I just *do*.

The parking lot was mostly empty but you could've spotted my car from a mile away even if it were full. That was the first big money I'd spent. And when I'd slapped that cold hard cash down on the desk for the down payment, the feeling was one I hadn't been too used to --- I was finally getting some respect. I almost laughed at how fast that guy's eyes lit up. One minute, he can't even bother with making eye contact, the next, he's sucking major ass.

It was like some magic switch had been turned on and I was finally *somebody*. Not just the second Slayer, not just fuckup Faith, but a player. All my life, I've always been the one played ... not anymore. I took out the keys, pressed the button to shut off the alarms and smiled like every other time cause the little beeping was just so much music to my ears.

I slipped into the bucket seats of my silver Porsche convertible and put on the sunglasses which were in the glove compartment cause the sun's rays were just starting to slant horizontal. As I drove towards the University of Sunnydale with the hard strains of a guitar solo blasting from the radio, I wondered again if this wasn't all a fucking dream.

I could afford anything I wanted and with that, my life could be lived any *way* I wanted it. And even though I wouldn't admit it to anybody, that fact scared me more than being some poor, unwanted kid ever could cause I was used to that --- been that my whole entire life and all. But now ... now, I could actually do something besides living hard, dying young, and hoping I didn't make too much of a mess on the sidewalk when someone finally took me out.

Yeah, that 'get out of jail free card' scared the shit outta me.

And mom had started bringing up the question of what I wanted to do after high school. Hell, I didn't even know what I wanted to do tomorrow, let alone next year. She kept hinting about college but another four years of doing time in a classroom wasn't something I dreamed about. If I really wanted, I could do nothing at all --- the cash ain't gonna run out. But everybody keeps trying to tell me what was best for me. The only question I have is --- how the hell do they know when I don't even know?

After a couple of minutes, I pulled the car into a parking space and climbed out, my mood lifting as I walked towards the dorms. When everything else turns to shit, I know it'll all be okay in the end cause there's always Buffy. It was Wednesday and it was after six so I knew she'd already gone to all her classes. When she first started college, I never knew when she was gonna be around cause she had some really messed up schedule but, eventually, I memorized it. So I knew exactly what times I'd be able to catch her. Beats waiting around in her dorm room, that's for damn sure.

And speaking of dorm room --- I pushed open the door to hers, smirking when I saw her sprawled under the covers of her bed. Aw, fuck. I could've stayed there and stared forever if I weren't still standing in the middle of the frigging hallway. I eased myself through the door, closing it behind me with a slight click as I walked softly to the bedside. Crouching down, I let my eyes wander where my hands itched to touch. She was an angel. And she was *my* angel.

Before I met her, love was just a word tossed around in the movies for a sappy audience.

Before I met her, I didn't know you could want to live your entire life for someone else.

Then I met her.

I placed a gentle kiss on her cheek that barely brushed her skin before taking off my shoes and slipping under the covers with her. It was a tight fit but she moved just enough that I could rest comfortably on my side, my arms wrapping around her as she burrowed into my body with a sleepy sigh.

A few minutes passed and I thought she was still asleep when a mumbled, "I like how you smell" reached my ears.

I did a double take, wondering if she was talking in her sleep. "What?"

"I like how you smell," she said again and I saw the grin spreading across her face as I looked down at her. "You smell like how a 'Faith' would smell. I've always wanted to tell you that."

"Uh, thanks, I guess," I said, smirking. "Are you hitting the sauce again, B? Y'know, just cause you're out of the house now -- "

She raised herself up on her elbows, staring down at me with a lazy, seductive smile on her face. "Shut up," she whispered, dipping her head to capture my lips in a warm kiss. "I've wanted to do that all day," she said, breathing out the words in a soft rush.

"Glad you waited for me." I smirked up at her as a mock growl rumbled deep in her throat. She lowered herself on top of my body again but before she could make another move, the door suddenly opened.

There was a gasp and then Willow's strained voice. "Sorry, sorry ... I didn't ... I'll wait ... " The door slammed shut again as the redhead backed out.

"Willow, wait!" Buffy yelled, getting off of me and out of the bed to run out the door and drag Willow back inside with an ever placid Oz trailing behind them.

"I should've knocked ... definitely should've," Willow muttered like she was in some sort of daze. "I will next time, you betcha."

"A system is good for this," Oz said, speaking up. "Some kind of Do Not Disturb signal like a sock hanging from the door knob."

"I'll write a memo to myself," Buffy said with a smirk. "Sock, doorknob, got it."

"Anybody else hungry?" I asked, hoping someone was cause my stomach was about ready to jump out and make a break for it. "We've gotta make it fast cause Giles wants us back at the library for some extra training."

Buffy groaned as she went for her shoes. "I thought when I graduated, I wouldn't ever have to step foot in that school again. Why couldn't Giles have gotten a job here or something? There are plenty of books here too. If I run into Snyder again -- "

"B, sometime this century?" She stuck out her tongue at me which I thought was real cute. "We'll do that later," I said, licking my lips. She froze for a second and then rushed me out the door, refusing to look at Will who was as red as her hair and Oz who had an eyebrow raised.

****

"I've been thinking, B."

"What have you been thinking, F?" I grinned at the tiny smirk rippling the corners of her mouth as I ran a hand through her hair.

"Y'know how I've been wanting to get a place of my own?" I nodded. "Yeah, well, I think now's about the time. I mean I got the money. Shit, I've got more than enough and ... "

"And?" I prompted, seeing that she was avoiding my gaze.

"And ... you're gonna make me say it, aren't you?" I kept grinning at her as she heaved a melodramatic sigh. "And cause I thought, maybe, you'd move in too ... y'know, if you wanted to. It'd be cool."

"I'll give you my answer after we take care of them," I said, hefting my crossbow. I glanced down the hall where the paramilitary duo had stopped at a closed door. They didn't know it but they were standing outside the janitor's closet. All they were going to find in there were a couple of mops and buckets of gray water instead of what they were really hunting for --- us.

Faith and I crept up behind them and when we were two steps away, she called out, "Yo, homeboys." As when they turned around, we fired. The bolts found their marks, right in the heart. They dropped to the floor, their weapons clattering to the ground. "That was quick, yet satisfying," Faith said, as she stepped over the bodies and opened up the closet door.

Bending down, she picked up the tiny transmitters which we'd been inadvertently carrying around all night. That's how these two soldier types had been able to track us --- that's how we'd been able to track them too. She squeezed them in her hand, reducing them to pieces of useless metal.

"Whatever happened to a nice date where we're not hunted for sport?" I asked, walking with her back up the hall.

"Ah, the good old days," she quipped, placing an arm across my shoulders and pulling me closer. "But you know you'll miss the adrenaline rush --- get that vibe running through your system like liquid fire."

"But I won't miss the being shot at or the running or the hurting or the -- "

"So you thought it over yet?" She suddenly interrupted my diatribe of the many and diverse ways in which being a Slayer sucked.

"What?"

"The moving in with me part," she said ducking her head.

I couldn't help but grin at her suddenly shy reaction. Did she really think I would say no? "Faith, as soon as you find an apartment, you're going to have to help me move."

She looked up at me again, a look of shock briefly flashing across her features before a grin replaced it. "You like jerking me around, don't you?"

"Only you."

We both had grins on our faces when we walked into the library where Giles was still nursing the minor head trauma he'd gotten from one of our cowboy hunters. For whatever reason, today had been declared open season on all Slayers. I think one of them even called it 'Slayerfest'. The name sounded like some sort of perverted holiday to me.

"Did you ... take care of the rest of the hunters?"

"They're dealt with," Faith said, going over to lean against the table.

"The janitor might find a little surprise waiting for him tomorrow ... nothing he hasn't seen before," I rushed to assure him.

"Well, if that's all, I think I'll retire for the night before this headache turns from splitting to devastating," he said, getting up.

"Take care Giles." I watched him leave and then turned to Faith. "What do you want to do now?" I asked, sidling up next to her.

She cocked an eyebrow, placing an arm around my waist. "Well, let's see. We *did* just kick some major ass and you know how I get after we do that ... "

"Hungry and ... " I pretended like I was trying to remember exactly what it was but I couldn't keep it up any longer as she pressed closer to me.

Placing her lips close to my ear, she finished the sentence in a low rumble. "Horny." I tried suppressing the shudder as she continued torturing me with little kisses placed alongside my jaw, backing me up so that I ended up lying on top of the table.

"Faith ... what are you going to do?" I asked, looking up to find an enigmatic smile gracing her lips.

"I've always had this fantasy," she said in a conversational tone, at the same time, casually taking off my skirt in one fluid motion. "About making you come in the middle of the library." I gasped a little as she moved in between my legs, pressing her hips against me. The tongue of desire that had started in my lower belly had travelled lower. "The only thing that's missing is the audience but I think we'll manage, don't you?" She bent down, taking my lips in a thorough kiss that erased all my misgivings about the whole 'having sex in the library' taboo.

I wrapped my legs securely around her waist, feeling her push my top up, exposing my stomach to the cool air. I felt her hands on my breasts. Her lips everywhere. And I couldn't control myself any longer, rocking my hips against her body, feeling the delicious friction, losing myself in her touch.

In the back of my mind, the outside chance that someone could and might possibly walk in on us at any minute only made me want her more but thoughts weren't digesting so well in my mind as Faith did that thing with her tongue which always sent me over. I think I screamed her name when I came but I couldn't really remember.

What I do remember is the "I love you," she kept repeating over and over as I came back to myself. *This* was my Faith. The Faith only I saw, the Faith I wouldn't share with anyone. I don't think anyone but me knew just how tender she could be. She pulled me up, wrapping her arms around me as she held me close.

"I think I'd better get dressed now," I finally said, going over to pick up the skirt from where it had been dropped.

"I like you better without it," she said from behind me. And I knew she meant it too.

"Yeah but I've got to get back. I'm going to fail so badly tomorrow if I don't study tonight. Teaches me to put it off till the last minute."

"You're ditching me for a study session?" She asked, standing there with the cutest pout on her face. "And after I rocked your world too."

"Rocked my world?" I asked, trying to suppress a chuckle. I walked over, putting on my skirt as I went. "Baby, you know I wouldn't if this wasn't massively important," I said, trying to placate her.

"Guess I'll just have to find the fun by myself tonight," she said with a convincing leer.

"Don't get into too much 'fun'. You've got to save some for me."

"I've always got some for you, B."

I was almost tempted to ditch studying and face whatever consequences tomorrow might bring when Faith gave me a good night kiss that left my knees quaking like jello. But somehow, through some inner fortitude which I did not know I had possessed, I stopped just short of throwing myself at her as she left me standing outside my dorm after having driven me from the high school in her new toy. I kept watching as she literally swaggered away, the few students who were still outside instinctively getting out of her way.

Heaving a self-pitying sigh, I trudged inside, not looking forward to either the books that awaited my soggy mind or the room mate who was seriously getting on my nerves. I knew going in that living with someone, Faith notwithstanding, was going to be a change but I just didn't know it was going to be as much of a pain in the ass as it was.

"Hey," I said with all the enthusiasm I could muster as I walked through the door and saw Kathy sitting on her bed with a book in her hands. I went over to the minifridge and my eyes almost bugged out when I saw that almost all the food in there was labeled. Okay, back up one second and let me say that again.

All the food was *labeled*... how sick is that?

"What is this?" I asked, holding up an egg with a label on its shell.

"Oh, isn't that a good idea?" She asks all chippy and peppy from the bed. "This way, there won't be any confusion over what's yours and what's mine."

What's mine turned out to be an apple and a half bottle of water.

"Oh and someone came by here looking for you."

"Who?" I asked growling out the word as I grabbed the bottle and a book from off the desk.

"Someone named ... Parker? Since you weren't here, I entertained him for the afternoon."

I didn't know why I felt like I was about to explode. Parker was just some guy I'd met in the cafeteria. He seemed nice enough but I'd just met him today. So it shouldn't have mattered that the two of them had hung out. But for some reason, it did. And I was starting to suspect why Kathy was annoying me like a red hot poker being jabbed through my eye.

She had to be evil.

She had to be stopped.

****

I flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling of *my* apartment.

Damn, that was a trip.

*My* apartment. Shit, I don't think I'll ever get over the sound of that. The furniture and all the other stuff just came in yesterday. Mom was real good about me moving out of the house and all, even helping me pick out the lamps and bed and everything. And she didn't pass out when Buffy told her she was going to move in with me. I think, in the back of her mind, she knew that was gonna happen sooner or later but just being confronted with it, you kinda get jolted out of that secure place you've built up around your mind.

But it was past due anyway. Buffy had been going totally psycho bitch over her roommate lately. Maybe she needed a vacation or something cause she wasn't acting like her usual calm and steady self. And here I thought I was the only one with a license to act like a loose cannon. But what was really starting to worry me was that whenever we were together, all she'd talk about was how Kathy was doing this or how Kathy was doing that and how it was annoying the shit out of her.

The phone rang suddenly and when I picked it up, the sound of Willow's voice came through the line. "Faith? Hey, it's Willow."

"Whassup Red? How's my favorite research girl."

"Faith, I just talked to Buffy. She's ... well, she's scaring me. All she kept talking about was how Kathy was all evil and she was going to kill her and she had toenail clippings. Toenail clippings, Faith. That's what she's basing the evilness on."

"OKay," I said slowly, trying to get my mind to wrap around the fact that my girlfriend had picked up someone else's toenail clippings for analysis. "Where is she now?"

"I sent her off the Giles'. I already called over there to warn him but you might want to be there too in case ... "

She didn't finish the sentence. "All right. I'll go over there now. Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine." I hung up, hoping that what I'd just said wouldn't turn out a total lie.

All the way over to Giles' apartment, I wondered what the fuck had happened. How the hell did it get to this point? I knew she was acting crazy all of a sudden but I didn't think it was Leatherface crazy. I mean, thinking her roommate was evil? Yeah, the girl was anal and shit but not on the level of say, a snake demon. Maybe Willow had been exaggerating. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she'd thought.

But when I walked through Giles' apartment, I saw Buffy tied to a chair and Xander, Oz, and Cordy looking like they were about to shit their pants. I'd probably feel the same way if I was on the receiving end of the Slayer death stare like those three were. If looks could kill ... well, they'd be the dearly departed.

"Faith, help me!" Buffy yells as soon as she sees me.

"NO!" Xander shouts, looking positively terrified. "No hurt Xander."

I walked over to stand in front of Buffy, giving Xander a look as I walked past him. "What's going on?"

"Giles thinks it's a possession by the demon she ran into in the woods the other day," Oz answered. "He's looking up a spell to get the demon to reveal itself now."

"Yeah," Cordy added. "Your girlfriend's acting like a real loon ... even more than usual."

"They don't know what they're talking about," Buffy says, drawing my attention again. "Faith, you know me. Kathy's evil. You've seen her. She listens to nothing but Celine Dion. You have to believe me. Don't you trust me?"

"I ... " Glancing between the two camps, I was torn between what to do. "Fuck it," I finally said, ignoring the guys' protests as I went over to her side and began untying her.

"Um, Faith?" Xander stammered. "This might be the worst bad judgment call in the history of bad judgment calls. Think about it. Do you really want to be ranked higher than Neville Chamberlain?"

"Who?" I asked, loosening the last of the knots. "Look, if I'm wrong then I'm wrong but ain't no way I'm just gonna stand here while my girlfriend's asking for my help."

"Thanks," Buffy said, getting up. "Come on. Let's go." She glared at the trio of Xander, Cordy and Oz as she passed them but they still followed after her. See, that's the thing about Buffy. Even when you think she might be crazy and homicidal, you're still gonna follow her into hell and back. There's just an overwhelming sense of power she carries within herself that has nothing to do with her as the Slayer and everything to do with her as the woman.

We took my car while the other three took Oz' van.

"You don't believe me, do you?" She asked. I glanced over at her but she was looking straight ahead.

"I took your side, didn't I?"

"I didn't mean it like I was criticizing you or anything. It's just that even when you didn't believe me, you stuck up for me."

"Yeah, well, what'd you think I was gonna do?"

She didn't say anything to that but when I glanced back at her again, she had a soft grin on her face. The grin was long gone though by the time she stalked into her dorm room with the rest of us following behind her. I didn't know what to expect but it definitely wasn't half of Kathy's face getting peeled off, revealing the demon within.

While the knock down, drag out brawl took place between Buffy and Kathy, the rest of us stood by the doorway. I know the reason I didn't do anything was cause Buffy was handling things all right. At least until these other demons showed up in some kinda portal or something. But all they did was drag Kathy away.

"Told you she was evil," Buffy said as we all piled into the room.

"She looked normal enough," Cordy said, putting in her two cents. "It wasn't like she had horns growing out of her head."

"Sorry, Buffy. It wasn't like we didn't trust you ... " Xander said, trailing off.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, I asked, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she said, instantly sagging into me. "Can we just get out of here for awhile?"

We took off, making a stop along the way for some burgers and since Buffy wasn't too high on staying at the dorm another night, I drove us back to my apartment.

"Nice," she said, glancing around as I set the food on the table. "I'm guessing you picked out the home entertainment system yourself."

"Sixty inch flat screen television, surround sound speakers plus subwoofers, VCR, DVD, Playstation --- come on, B. It's just the barest necessities."

"I'm sure," she said with a grin as she stretched and yawned. "I am *so* tired. But at least now, I'll get a good night's sleep without waking up to a demon trying to suck my soul out of my mouth."

"Don't worry about it, B. I'll keep the Bogey man away." She poked me in the stomach on the way to the food, deflating my bravado with a smirk.

The next day when the alarm clock snapped me awake, I was all ready to go right back to sleep when Buffy actually pushed me out of bed, telling me it was for my own good. I groaned and mumbled all the way from the bed to the bathroom and from the bathroom to the closet. Leaning over my still curled up girlfriend, all comfortable in the sheets, I whispered, "You are a cruel, cruel woman, B."

She turned over, a sleepy grin gracing her face as she pulled me down and planted a kiss on my lips. "Bye, Faith," she mumbled before turning over again. I sat there for a moment just staring at her back before hauling myself up and going out the door. If I was real lucky, I wouldn't run into Snyder today.

Lately, he'd been on the warpath or something, leaving a trail of broken morale and weeping students in his wake. So I'd been doing everything I could to avoid the troll all week. When I walked through the entrance of the school though, the first person I saw was Snyder. It was almost like he was waiting for me to show up cause he made a beeline straight for me, shoving other people out of his way.

"You," he says, coming to a stop in front of me.

"Me? What?"

"You're an instigator, Miss Spencer. Don't think for a moment that I don't have my eyes on you. Here." He shoved a box of candy into my hands. "I've got ten more boxes with your name on it. The band needs new uniforms and I think it would be in your best interest to help out by selling some candy."

"You're kidding right?"

His right eye started twitching as he glared at me. "I assure you I'm not kidding."

He walked right past me, yelling at another poor bastard who'd gotten in his line of sight. I bounced the box a couple of times in one hand before going over to the library where Giles was probably already well on his way to a third cup of tea.

"Faith. Good morning," he said, absently looking up from a book.

"Hey G, whassup?"

"I've been reading an entry in the Watcher's journals. It's very enlightening actually -- "

"Yeah? Great." I tossed him the box, almost making him drop the book. "Go ahead, take it. I got like ten more anyway."

"Really? Uh, thank you."

****

"Did you see that? Did you ... wait!"

"Let it go, B," Faith said, snagging me by the arm and preventing me from going after my mom and Giles who I'd just found out might have had sex ... together. "They're consenting adults."

"They weren't. Not really. Not when they had the candy." I knew I was losing the argument but the idea of my mom having sex with anybody, let alone Giles, turned my blood cold.

"I kinda think they make a cute couple."

I shot her a look which, of course, she chose to ignore as she turned her back and began to make her way towards the door. Throwing one last dirty look in the direction where the two "adults" had taken off, I followed her, linking my arm through hers when I caught up. We walked for a little while in silence, me because I still couldn't get that nasty mental picture of mom and Giles out of my head and I'm not really sure why Faith was so quiet all of a sudden.

"What's up?" I asked, glancing over at her and simultaneously wishing I could wash my brain out with soap.

"What?" She asked, giving me a blank stare.

"You're quiet," I said, stating the obvious.

"It's nothing," she said, getting into her car.

Getting into the passenger side, I resisted the urge to dig for more information because I knew she'd tell me eventually if it was important enough. But I just hated the wait. Sometimes, I wished she would come out and tell me everything that was going on inside her mind but that wasn't Faith. That's never been Faith. If she didn't think I needed to know, it would stay cooped up in her mind.

"You know what we could do?" I asked, trying just as much to get my mind away from its problems as well as getting her off hers. "We could go visit Xander. You know he's got that bartending job now."

She smirked before asking in a half joking tone, "That's not your snide little way of getting me drunk, is it, B?"

"And if it was?" I asked, using the same tone.

"Trying to get a minor intoxicated? Oh B, is that what you've sunk to? What would the Watcher's Council think?"

"Shut up and drive," I said, punching her in the thigh, making her chuckle.

We made it to the bar in record time, mostly because Faith didn't know the meaning of the words speed and limit put together. I swear, sometimes, I think the girl actually wanted a cop to pull her over ... or at least make the attempt. And seeing as how I really didn't want to spend the night trying to outrace the cops, I constantly had to remind her to slow down which of course she took to mean she could nickname me grandma when we were in the car together --- which is *so* not true.

I mean, I just didn't see the point of going over 50 in a residential neighborhood. Does that mean I'm acting like an old fuddy duddy now? I think not.

"See, I got us here with all major limbs still intact," she said, grinning at me triumphantly as we walked through the doors of the bar.

"Yeah, but I think you left my sanity behind somewhere on Maple Street." I think I heard her mutter 'Like you've ever had that' but the noise from a nearby table drowned it out. That didn't stop me from shooting her a look though.

"I'll get us a table," she said more loudly.

I nodded, going over to the bar where Xander was busy filling up mugs from the tap. "Hey," I said, getting his attention. He waved back before realizing he still had a full mug in his hand which wasn't full much longer.

"Gah!" He shouted, getting a towel to mop up the mess. "Three arms. Three. That's what I need right now. Why couldn't I have been born a freak?"

Choosing not to answer the question, I asked one of my own. "Busy?"

He looked up at me incredulously before slowly nodding his head. "You could say that."

I nodded back sympathetically before going ahead and making his life even 'busier' by ordering a beer plus a Jack and coke. Lucky for me, he didn't spill the order so I was able to deliver both drinks back to the table Faith had staked out. She looked at me questioningly when I placed the Jack and coke in front of her. I shrugged. "You just seem like the type."

"Good guess," She said, giving me a wry grin before taking a sip.

I took a couple of swallows of beer, wondering vaguely why it tasted like horse shit or at least what I would think horse shit tasted like if I were ever of a mind to taste horse shit. I looked up and saw the mildly ... cocky? gaze on Faith's face which made me swallow the swill in my mouth and take another sip. She could probably drink me under the table. She probably would. But that only made me want to try and prove both her and myself wrong. And if that meant drinking some nasty beer ... bottom's up.

I don't know how it happened but when I looked down a while later, I saw an empty mug staring back at me. "What happened to the ... " I pointed distractedly down at the empty glass, frowning as I heard my words coming disjointedly out of my mouth.

Faith was looking at me with a strange combination of worry and teasing concern. "B, are you all right?"

Why was she asking if I was all right? All I'd asked was why my glass was empty. "What happened to my beer?" I asked again, irritated that she couldn't just answer me the first time.

"You drank it," she said slowly, watching me like I was out of my mind or something.

I was beginning to get irritated at her attitude. "Then get me another one," I grumpily said/demanded.

"No," she answered shortly, looking pissed off. "I think you've had enough for one night."

"But I only had one!" I practically shouted. She was just acting bitchy now.

"That's it. Let's go." She stood up, trying to drag me up too but I wrenched my arm away. "What the fuck is wrong with you, B?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a kid. I'm older than you are."

Suddenly another voice cut in. "If you want more beer, we've got plenty." I turned my head to see an average looking blonde guy but what really held my attention was the two full pitchers of beer he was carrying.

"Hey, was anyone talking to you?" Faith looked about ready to hit him. "Why don't you go back to your little fuck face buddies and stop trying to hit on my girlfriend?"

Mr. Beer Guy started to look angry but before he could say anything back, I turned to Faith and let her have it. "What the hell is your problem? If I want some beer, I'll get some beer. And if I want to sit with someone else who's nice enough to invite me for some beer, then I'll do that too. If you don't like that then go."

I went with Mr. Beer Guy towards his table where a couple of other Beer Guys were sitting, leaving Faith staring at me with her mouth slightly open. I sat down and everybody around me was smiling. Much nicer than Faith who was over at the bar talking with Xander, probably bitching about not being able to control me any more.

. . . . .

Beer.

Nice beer.

Good beer.

No more beer. "Get more beer."

I push boy.

He fall.

Everybody laugh.

****

"Damn." I looked over at the guy who'd fallen out of his chair. The whole frigging table was laughing, especially Buffy. "What the fuck is in that beer, X?" He shrugs at me. No help at all. "Fuck, I can't take this shit anymore."

I walked over to the table o' fun, trying to put on a nice smile cause Buffy was looking at me suspiciously. "Hi B. Having fun?" She nods, her face immediately lighting up. "Great, that's good. But, um, don't you remember that you need to get up early for class tomorrow? You don't want to skip class, do you?"

She looked confused and I pressed the advantage. "We can always come back tomorrow if you like ... I promise." That seemed to do it and she got up, waving good-bye to everybody else at the table and stumbled into my arms. She was a dead weight as I tried to lift her up back onto her feet. I waved to Xander and just decided it was easier to carry her back to the car than to wait for her to remember how to use her feet.

When I got out to the parking lot, I found out that trying to open a car door while holding someone in your arms is a lot harder than I would've thought. I finally hooked the handle with a finger and, half-crouching, half-stooping, shoved Buffy inside. Of course, it was only after I'd done all this gymnastic maneuvering that my brain piped up, telling me I could've just put her down and *then* opened the door.

Yeah, no shit. Now it tells me.

Buffy was out like a blown fuse. She didn't even twitch once the whole way home and if it wasn't for her chest rising up and down, you'd think she was dead. I pretty much figured she was a lightweight when it came to putting away the liquor but shit, I never expected this. And shoot me but tomorrow morning is not gonna be a pretty sight when she finally *does* wake up.

Can you say hangover from hell boys and girls?

I glanced over at her again when I pulled up in front of my apartment. Her mouth was slightly open, her head lolled on the back of the seat, her hair was kinda mussed up but I still thought she was one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I guess love does that --- puts a filter over your eyes so even though you know the person you're in love with isn't perfect, they still seem pretty damn close anyway.

I wonder if she sees me like that ...

She must see something if she's still with me.

I shook my head, getting it back on track cause thinking too much into this was kinda depressing me. I always was more a woman of action than of words. The struggle to get Buffy into the apartment was a lot easier than getting her into the car --- mostly cause I put her down before trying to open up any more doors.

Now, normally, if I was undressing Buffy, one piece of clothing at a time, it'd be some sort of erotic foreplay --- a lead in to some mind blowing, flying high in the sky, sex. But when she's barely conscious like she is now?

"Aw, B. You know we're missing a grand opportunity, doncha?" I whispered, brushing my lips across her forehead before laying down and wrapping an arm around her waist. My last thought before I drifted off was that this wasn't so bad --- not too bad at all.

When I opened my eyes again, the sunlight had lit up my room but not so much that it would've woken me up. Then I felt it again. The fingers running up and down the side of my ribs like they were playing the piano. "I'm guessing you're awake," I mumbled, putting my hand over the wandering digits under my shirt.

A mumble came from somewhere near my chest.

"Let me guess. That's hangover talk for yes, right?"

Buffy's head popped out from under the covers, her eyes starting to focus on me. "You smell good," she said as she started sniffing me.

"I think we've been down this road before. B?" I took her head in between my hands. Hangover or not, this was pretty fucking strange. "You all right?"

She grinned at me all of a sudden and then jumped on top of me, straddling my waist. "Want you" was all she said before her mouth was on my neck --- sucking, nibbling, kissing --- growling??

"Shit!" I bucked my hips, throwing her off of me and scrambling out of bed. "Look, you know I'm all for sex, whenever, wherever ... but you should be puking your guts out with all the booze you put away last night, not jumping my bones." Did I just refuse sex? Shit, maybe I'm the sick one here.

She sat up, looking at me like I was a four course meal and she hadn't eaten for a week. "FUCK!" That was the only word I got out before she jumped me again ---- literally jumped on top of me. I got knocked back, my head hitting the hardwood floor. I laid there for a couple of seconds, feeling dazed and out of it. Meanwhile, Buffy's still sitting on top of me, trying to get me out of my shirt when I hear this ripping sound.

"That's it!" I shouted, flipping her up and over my head. "This is my favorite fucking shirt B!" I looked down at the tear down the center of it. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Her eyes got all big and round. Her bottom lip started trembling as she sat there on the floor and I started cursing myself for being so harsh. "I"m sorry. I didn't mean it like that, B." I crawled over to where she was and pulled her into a hug. She sniffled a little, grabbing onto the tatters of my shirt. When she quieted down a bit, I tilted her chin up so I could look into her face.

It was the same face I'd woken up to for the last couple of months, the same one I dreamed about constantly almost every day. So I knew right off the bat that something was off. It was her eyes. They were vacant, not empty exactly but not reflecting the vibrance I usually saw there either --- where was my Buffy? She pulled her head out of my grasp and burrowed back against my chest again.

"Come on," I said, gathering her up and leading her back to the bed where she plopped down. I looked down at her as I wondered what to do now. Even odds this is another patented Sunnydale joke. Magic maybe --- Giles would know what to do. "Hey B. You wouldn't happen to know Giles' number would you?"

As expected, she gave me a blank stare and shook her head.

"Okay ... stay here. I have to go somewhere but I'll be right back." She grabbed my hand and it felt like a vice was clamping down on it. Biting back a wince, I tried not to yell out. "Like I said, I'll be right back. B, would I lie to you?"

She looked damn confused at the question but she slowly let go of my hand and I shook it out to get the circulation back. Giving her a last look, I smiled and quickly slipped into something that wasn't giving me a draft up front. As soon as I got out the door, I broke into a full out run to my car. Giles would know what to do, I kept repeating to myself all the way to the school. He always knows what to do.

Before the car even came to a full stop in the parking lot, I was already out and running towards the entrance. "Giles!" I shouted, throwing open the doors to the library. "Yo G, emergency happening here. Where are you?"

He came rushing out of his office, a book still in hand. "What's the problem?"

I tired summing up what was going on but it too friggin bizarre even for me and if I were talking to anybody else besides Giles, they'd be committing my ass before I'd even finished. "I mean, shit, she's acting like ... like she's lost a hundred IQ points overnight."

He tapped an index finger against his chin, going into thoughtful Watcher mode. "And you say she had a lot to drink last night."

"Yeah, but this ain't no ordinary hangover. I *know* what a hangover feels like and that was not it." He gave me a look but didn't comment on it or anything.

"Yes, but that's all we've got to work on right now so it's as good a place to start investigating as any."

"Hey you're the brains," I said, shrugging. "I just hit things. Look, I'm gonna go back to the apartment. The pub doesn't open till tonight anyway so ... "

"I'll meet you there and in the meantime, if Snyder asks as to your whereabouts, I'll come up with a suitable excuse for your absence."

"You're the best," I said, winking at him before charging out the door again. So, all in all, the whole round-trip took about thirty minutes. You'd think Buffy couldn't have gotten into too much trouble but then you'd be seriously deluding yourself and on crack to boot. The first step I took into the apartment and I was already stepping on peanut butter. "What the ... "

I looked up and it just got worse from there on out. The walls were covered in peanut butter graffiti. Now, I'm all for defacing property ... just not mine. This really pissed me off. And there, crouching on the floor on the other side of the room is Buffy with the jumbo sized jar of creamy peanut butter, one hand covered in the stuff as she's finger painting on the wall.

"Don't expect me to clean any of this up, B." She turns to look at me with an oh so innocent expression on her face. "Soon as you get better, I'll show you where I store the mop and bucket."

She runs over to me with arms wide open and the thought of ducking out of the way entered my mind for about a split second before it flies out just as quickly. The air gets knocked out of me as she wraps both arms around my shoulders and starts squeezing. "Love you, Faith," she mutters, nuzzling against my neck which kinda makes not being able to breath not so bad --- kinda.

"Love you too, B," I said, croaking the words out and trying to suck in some air before untangling the arms around my body. "But, uh, not so tight next time, 'k?"

She smiles again --- bright and cheery as she goes back to the arts and craft. What was I gonna do? Stop her? She looked too happy. Come to think of it, I've never seen her like this. Normally, she always held some part of herself back. It was all about the control. Control of her instincts, her body, her mind, her surroundings. But now ... now, it was like she'd cut all the strings and let herself go wild.

I plopped myself down on the couch, feeling something digging into my ass and when I reached a hand down for it, came back with a snowglobe.

A snowglobe? When the fuck did I buy a snowglobe?

****

I had to spend a whole weekend cleaning peanut butter gunk off the wall. That's all the reason I'll ever need to never indulge in beer again ... that and the fact that Faith keeps teasing me about being Cave Slayer Buffy. She keeps forgetting that if I hadn't been such a thoughtful girlfriend and not gotten her a Jack and Coke in the first place instead of beer, she'd have been dabbling in the art of wall painting right along with me.

And speaking of Faith ... I looked down at the notebook in front of me, brought for the express purpose of holding my notes but which instead held the word 'Faith' scrawled, printed, scripted, decorated all over the page. I took a look around and was glad nobody was looking this way because I could feel the blush coloring my cheeks.

This behavior was fine for junior high --- maybe even high school if you're stretching it but I'm a college freshman. What was I doing writing my girlfriend's name all over the page? If anybody saw this ...

A blurry red blob hovered at the edge of my peripheral vision. Turning my head sharply to glare at my best friend, I slammed the cover of the book shut but not before catching Willow's smirk as she turned back to her own notes. It wasn't like I hadn't caught her doing some really mushy things with Oz lately so I didn't see what she was laughing at.

Once class let out, I pointedly ignored the knowing look in her eyes, instead wondering out loud what we should get for lunch. She was just in the middle of debating the merits of either getting deli food or the more exotic choice of Japanese when a large silver metal and chrome streak screeched to a stop in front of us. Instinctively pulling Willow out of the way so she wouldn't end up a piece of roadkill, I stared at the car's driver who just happened to be openly grinning at the both of us, oblivious of the fact that she was receiving nothing but glares in return.

"Faith!" I practically yelled. "What do you think you're doing? You nearly -- "

"Get in," she says as if I hadn't even opened my mouth. When I still stood there, my arms crossed over my chest, she leans over and opens the door. "Get in."

Willow's standing there almost as shocked as I was as I finally climb into the passenger seat. The door wasn't even closed before the car shot out of the quad, scattering people aside and I was almost surprised we didn't run anybody over ... although I can't say for sure that nobody got injured, trying to jump out of the way.

I couldn't believe that through it all, Faith's still got that grin on her face --- the same one that crops up whenever we're eradicating some vamp nest --- raw joy with a dash of lust. She glances over at me, quirking an eyebrow as somebody else jumps out of the way, barely making it without bumping the fender.

My mouth was hanging open and I immediately shut it as soon as I realized that I was doing it. "What's going on?" I asked, hating the whining note in my voice before my shoulder got jammed into the door when she swerved into a hard right turn.

"Found a vamp nest this morning. I just thought you might like to have some fun," she said, one hand resting easily on the steering wheel as the other hand brushed off a stray lock of hair from her face. She said it so casually that you wouldn't think anything was wrong but the fact was she'd almost run down half the student body and she didn't even seem to care.

"Faith, is something wrong?" I asked, trying to make sense of her behavior.

"Wrong?" She asked, reaching up to adjust the rearview mirror and, in the process, nearly mowing down some blonde girl who was crossing the street. "What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong. Why would anything be wrong?" Pressing down on the gas some more, we shot through an intersection, the sound of blaring car horns following in our wake as we roared down the street. "Damn B. I come all the way over here cause I thought you might like to have a little fun and I'm getting the third degree. You think you could lighten up a little bit?"

"You're acting like a maniac!" I finally shouted, getting frustrated beyond belief that she didn't see anything wrong with the way she was acting. "Would you slow down before you hit someone?"

She immediately swerved to the side of the road, braking so suddenly that I was thrown against the dash, banging my forehead in the process. "You happy now?" She asked as I scraped myself off the leather and glared at her, resisting the overwhelming urge to just reach over, grab her and shake her as hard as I could. "Hell, if you don't want to come ... " she gestured with one hand, basically telling me to fuck off but not in so many words.

Instead of doing that though, I reached over and took the key out of the ignition before she could stop me. Her hand immediately clamped down on my wrist as she squeezed, just enough to be painful even for a Slayer. "Don't play with my key," she says, the words barely recognizable through her gritted teeth.

Yanking my arm away, I stared her down, tightening my grip on the key so hard that the metal began to bite into my flesh. We sat there, staring at each other for the longest few minutes of my life. And the worse part was that I didn't even know what had happened to cause this sudden and dramatic shift in personality. "Faith," I began slowly, reaching out with a free hand to place it on hers which were now gripping the steering wheel so hard, her knuckles were white.

"I need to go," she said, her eyes turned forward. "If you're not with me then put the fucking key back in the fucking ignition and step out."

I sat staring mute for a few more seconds, torn between wanting to strangle her and wanting to keep talking. But what I ended up doing instead was tossing the key back at her and getting out of the car. I stood there as she started the engine again and left, leaving the faint scent of burning rubber and swirling dust blowing across my face. I don't know how long I just stood there looking in the direction where she'd gone because when my mind finally clicked back on, I found myself back in my apartment, sitting on the floor with my back resting against the side of the bed.

The room was dark --- guess I hadn't bothered to turn on the lights. It wasn't really clear how I'd gotten back here or when for that matter but here I was ... waiting for Faith to come back, hopefully in a saner frame of mind than when she'd left. Something must have happened. I mean, nobody flips out like that without something having happened, right?

But that left the question of what. *What* exactly had happened?

The sound of the key jiggling in the lock made my head snap up and the question flew from my mind as the door opened and Faith strolled in, flipping the light switch on the wall as she walked past. Our eyes met for a brief instant before she turned away to walk into the small kitchenette.

Not one word. Not one acknowledgment that I was even there. And as I listened to the cheery whistling floating towards my ears as she browsed through the contents of the fridge, something just snapped --- *I* snapped.

"You are *not* going to treat me like I'm not even here!" I shouted, stomping up behind her.

She kept her back to me, still looking through the fridge like I hadn't even spoken and for a second --- just for one second, I almost pushed her. The desire was there, so strong that my hands started trembling with the effort to stop myself. I took a moment to swallow the yell threatening to tear from out of my throat and instead backed up a step, standing silently until she closed the fridge and finally turned around.

"We need to get more water," she says, a bland look on her face, leaning back and appraising me with a cool gaze.

I'm sure my mouth dropped open again but by that point it didn't really matter anymore. My girlfriend was acting like a complete stranger and I'd had about all I could stand. Moving forward and gripping her by the elbows, I shook her hard. "What's the matter with you? Why are you acting like this, Faith? Did something happen?"

She looked at me, the same bland expression on her face as she slowly pulled away. "I think I should be the one asking that question, B," she said, fixing me with a stare. "I come looking for you this afternoon cause I thought you'd *want* to slay some vamps. Instead, you keep asking me 'what's the matter?', 'what's the matter?' ---- Well, fuck it. I wanted to slay. I went to slay. I slayed. What'd *you* do today?" She smirked, turning around and walking into the living room to flop down on the couch. "I think maybe you should take a look at yourself before you come down on me like some holier than thou Mother Theresa," she blithely continued, raising her voice so I could still hear her from across the room. "We're Slayers, B. That's what we do --- that's what we are. So what are you trying to prove with this college shit? At the end of the day, you and me both know where we're going to end up."

"And where's that?" I mumbled.

She seemed to hear me just fine though because she answered, "Dead, B. Six feet under cause some demon got lucky or we just got sloppy ... but that's fate, I guess. I'm not fighting it anymore. I'm embracing the Slayer within." I heard the smirk in her voice even though I wasn't looking directly at her. "And out of everybody, I thought you'd understand ... but you don't," she finished dully. "Why don't you understand?"

Finally looking back up at her, I saw a lost look on her face before it was gone, hidden away behind a patina of disinterest. "That's not you," I said softly, hoping to convince her as well as myself.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, a note of irritation creeping in. "Of course this is me. This has always been me. I just had to do a little digging to find it."

I made my way slowly over to the couch as if any sudden movement would startle her into running. Sitting down gingerly on a black cushion, I reached for one of her hands, wrapping my fingers around warm flesh. "Faith, look at me," I pleaded, waiting until our eyes met before continuing. I had no idea what was going on and, up until that point, I had no doubt that this was still Faith --- this was still the love of my life. At least, that's what I was thinking until I actually sat there and looked into her eyes --- I mean, really *looked*, coming to a realization that felt like a punch to my stomach. I didn't recognize anything. Those cold brown depths were as dead as they were alive, burning with some emotion I couldn't even place.

This wasn't my Faith.

This wasn't the person I loved.

And as I absorbed that sobering fact, a disgusted look crept onto her face. Mumbling something about having better things to do than sitting around, she turned away. I didn't try to stop her when she got up and left, closing the door a little too loudly behind her because I didn't know what I would say to this person who looked exactly like my girlfriend but who I was also absolutely sure wasn't my girlfriend.

But if she wasn't --

A frantic knocking at the door shook me out of my thoughts, making me jump a little. Whoever it was on the other side must have really wanted to come in because the knocking continued almost compulsively before I finally got up and opened it. My eyes widened slightly, taking in a rumpled and distressed looking Faith, staring back at me with tears clouding her eyes.

"Fa -- "

The first syllable wasn't even out of my mouth before wiry arms pulled me into a long, desperate hug that ended with a softly spoken "Buffy."

****

Who says killing is hard? I'm staring at the blood running off my hands and I feel ...

I feel?

I feel nothing.

He gulped like a fish before he slid to the ground --- like he was going to be okay if he only had enough air. But he's dead now. Another pityass human getting in my way.

Did I say 'human'?

Human?

Then what am I?

****

It's kinda weird. Cause, one minute, there are two of me and then, before I even knew it actually, there's only one --- kneeling in the middle of the street. And then, as if that weren't enough to mess you up, there are all these thoughts and memories that you didn't even know you had but you didn't know you didn't have either.

Y'know?

But I guess you wouldn't know cause it's not like it's every day that some scabby demon blasts you with his magic glow stick, splitting you into two people. 'Two halves of the same whole' as Giles would say or some other shit like that.

And I think I'm just babbling now cause I don't wanna think about what had happened a couple of hours ago. I hear Buffy's voice next to my ear whispering that everything's all right now and I want to laugh out loud cause she doesn't know shit. She doesn't know ... what I did. She tells me to open my eyes and that's when I realize I've got 'em shut tight.

So I do as she tells me like a well trained puppy cause she knows what's best for me. She always does. Right?

And the first thing I see is her hazel green eyes staring back at me, making me suddenly realize how fucking bad I've screwed up. Hell, it's no secret to anyone how she's stuck by me even when I didn't deserve her ... but this ... this'll probably *break* us.

*If* I tell her.

"Faith, are you all right? Honey, talk to me."

I'm that close to spilling it --- that close. "I'm fine. Never better." Not close enough, I guess. And I even throw in a weak ass smile to try and convince her I'm telling the truth. She finally seems to buy it after staring at me for a few minutes like I was gonna say more but I've got nothing else to say. Helping me get back on my feet, she's all mother henning me, even brushing some dirt from my clothes.

The gang's all there, looking like I was gonna jump them at any second. I guess I can't blame them, seeing as how I ripped into all of 'em earlier.

"If you're all right, does that mean I can do this now?" Cordy reached over and smacked me on the back of the head.

Buffy immediately came to my defense like I knew she would. "Cordelia!"

"Forget it, B," I interrupt before she can say anymore. "I kinda deserve that."

"What? Why?" She asks, glancing between the two of us. None of us say anything. Xander's got an equally pissed off expression on his face and you can tell he's really trying not to blow up. Willow's standing close to Oz. She can't even look at me.

Damn --- I can't fucking believe I said some of that stuff back there but I did cause I remember the words coming out of my mouth and the thing is --- it sounded pretty right at the time. Shit, a part of me still thinks everything I said is pretty much true and that scares me more than anything.

"I'll tell you why." It's Cordelia again. Of course, it *would* be her.

Fucking bitch.

No I didn't mean that.

Did I?

What the fuck is up with my head? They put me back together again --- squished my two halves into one --- so why does it still feel like I've got someone else in my head? Or is that, someone else has got me in their head? Damn, it's too friggin confusing. And it's not helping that Cordy's running at the mouth --- something about me ruining her life which is kinda blowing it out of proportion if you ask me. All I did was tell her how friggin useless she was, the whole Scooby gang included, as a matter of fact so I wasn't singling her out personally.

"It's true, isn't it?" I didn't so much speak it as mutter it but as soon as those words came out of my mouth, everyone's looking at me. At least Cordy's finally shut her trap.

"Faith, are you sure you're all right?" Buffy asks, breaking the silence. Then, she looks over at Giles as if to beg him to tell her something useful --- like she always does. She calls herself a Slayer but you wouldn't know it by the way she depends on everybody. God, it makes me ... it makes me sick?

"... there aren't any side effects I'm aware of ..." Giles squinches his eyes as he looks me over as if he could find what was wrong with me if he looked closely enough, mumbling "Maybe it's just the disorientation of being split into two distinct entities. I'm sure it's quite ... jarring."

Yeah, I'd say. On the one side, there's wussified me and on the other, it's badass Slayer me. It's like some bad acid trip.

"But she'll be fine, right?" Buffy sounds like she's grasping at straws, kinda cute in a desperate sort of way.

Kinda pathetic.

It makes me want to shove her up against a wall for being so weak.

God! What the fuck is wrong with me?

They talk some more. I don't know what about but I'm not really caring all that much by that point. Buffy ends up taking me home, driving *my* car which I don't normally let her do cause she grinds the gears and drives through red lights like she was colorblind but ...

I've got other shit to worry about. Like how I'm gonna get myself feeling *me* again. The normal me, the me that can shut out these thoughts --- the same thoughts that I've always been able to keep in the background cause I know they're just one big neon sign inviting trouble if I think about them too much. But now it's like, they've gotten a taste for freedom and they want out. And that just makes me want to find the nearest concrete wall and bash my brain in. At least then, it'll be quiet up there.

"Are you hungry?"

The question jerks me back to reality and I lurch forward a little as she steps too hard on the brake. "Um, no. That's all right. I just want to lie down for a little while." No, that's not entirely true. What I really want to do is hurt something. Anything. That always dulls the pain --- for me anyway. But didn't I already hurt something tonight? I hurt him so bad, he died.

"Okay. But if you change your mind ... just let me know."

"Yeah," I say, staring out the side window and watching the houses fly pass. My mind keeps going in split directions at the same time. The guy was an idiot, plain and fucking simple. What the fuck did he think would happen coming out of nowhere like that? And the way he looked at me ... even when he was sliding down the wall ... I was only trying to do my job. I'm the Slayer. He's a nobody.

And ...

And I killed him with my own hands. I've never done that before. Not to a person. No shit. So what exactly should I be feeling right now? If it were Buffy, she'd probably be in the police station copping to everything 'bout now but I'm not Buffy. I don't want to be Buffy if it means I'll be spending the rest of my life behind bars with a cellmate named Bertha.

Screw that.

The total silence finally makes me realize that we've stopped which freaks me out cause I have to wonder how long we've been sitting there like that. I was just moving for the door lock when her hand clamps down on my arm, not so hard that it hurts but enough for me to look over at her. I thought she was going to talk some more, probably ask more questions that I'll just have to lie about but instead, she pulls me close, wrapping her arms around my neck, giving me a hug. After a second, I return it, finally feeling like myself for the first time that whole entire night.

It feels so good to hug her and to have myself hugged that I practically pull her across the seat and into my lap. I didn't want to let go and she didn't make me, just letting me bury myself against her.

Everything will be fine now. I'm me. I am.

And nobody's gonna find the body.

****

"Faith?" I rubbed my eyes which were still gummy from sleep. "What are you doing?"

She's crouched over on the floor at the foot of the bed, concentrating on doing something but from my angle, I can't see what it is. The sound of a zipper closing makes me sit up slowly and I feel the covers slip across my skin, pooling around my waist. "Faith?" I call out again, confused now as I see the corner of a bag peeking up from the edge of the bed.

"I gotta leave for a little while," she finally says, her eyes still focused on whatever it was she was doing.

"What?" I couldn't have heard right, could I? She didn't just say she was leaving. She's not packing. I've got to be dreaming.

She stands up, bag in hand, eyes shifting restlessly all over the room, landing everywhere but on me. "I'm sorry about the last minute thing but I have to get out of town."

"You're sorry?" I mutter half to myself. "You're sorry?! Faith, this doesn't make any sense at all. I know you've been a little out of it since that run-in with the Toth demon but I thought that was behind us now. But here you are telling me that you're leaving and I'm supposed to what? Just accept it? Hug you and wave sayonara?"

She finally looks at me, her expression going from harried to angry in a matter of seconds as she slings the bag over one shoulder. "Look, I'm not asking for your permission here. I'm telling you --- I'm leaving," she carefully enunciates as if to say that was the end of the story.

I think I surprised her when I threw back the covers and walked over to stand in front of her but she quickly covered it up, hiding behind a bland expression. "And I'm telling you, I want to know why," I said, staring her in the eyes and very aware that I was completely naked. "Faith," I said, my voice softening as I took in her features. "You've been so distant lately --- not just to me but to everybody and I just want you to let me back in. I want to share whatever it is that's happening with you. Let me help you, Faith. Don't keep shutting me out ... What are you thinking?" I let the fingers of one hand play along the edge of her jaw, hoping that whatever it was she was trying to work out in that head of hers, she'd include me in on the plans.

Biting the bottom of her lip, she opened her mouth as if to say something but instead, clamped it shut again to bend down and pick up something off the floor which turned out to be the remote. She turned on the television, gesturing for me to sit down as she slid to the floor, head reclining on the edge of the bed. Even though I was getting frustrated at her confusing behavior, I did as she wanted, my eyes turning to the TV which was tuned into a newscast. A reporter was standing at the docks talking about a body some fishermen had hauled up last night and as I watched, my eyes kept shifting back to Faith, wondering what this had to do with anything.

She finally shut the TV off, her eyes closing briefly before saying in a dead monotone, "That guy they dredged up ... "

"Yes?" I prodded after she lapsed into silence.

"... I killed him, B. The night that I got split in two, I was out patrolling --- the Slayer half of me anyway, and he came out of nowhere. I couldn't stop the stake in time ... and he died." Her eyes had squeezed shut by this time as her arms wrapped around upraised knees, looking for all the world like a scared little kid. I wanted more than anything to wrap her in my arms and protect her forever --- tell her everything was going to be all right but instead, I just sat there, the shock of what she'd told me still seeping through my brain.

She abruptly scrambled up, bag still in hand as she stared down at me. "So that's why I need to leave town. The cops might be stupid around here but I don't want to stick around in case they manage to grow a brain cell or two."

"Faith, you can't just go," I say, finally snapping into action as I stand up too.

"Why not?" She asks with that same defiant look in her eyes I've seen countless times before. "I'm not turning myself in, B. You can forget about it if that's what you're thinking. It was an accident and he probably deserved it anyway. I mean, what kind of guy skulks around an alley in the middle of the night anyway? A bad guy, that's what."

I shook my head. "No, that's not what I wanted you to do. I don't want you to turn yourself in." A look of surprise flashes across her face. I don't know why she's surprised though. Did she really think I wanted her in jail? "But you've still got to talk to somebody about it. These past couple of days ... it's got to be eating you up inside."

"But I am talking. I'm talking to you." She flashes me a smile that disappears just as quickly. Regripping her bag, she looks up at me with a lost expression on her face.

Her mood swings have been so off the wall lately, I can't believe I didn't call her on it sooner. But I guess, on some level, I wanted to write it off and hope that it'd go away if we both ignored it long enough. At least, now I know what's been behind it.

Swallowing back the sizable knot in my throat, I reached for her hand, gently coaxing the bag from her white knuckled grip. "I know but we can at least tell Giles. It'll be fine --- you'll see. And I'll be right there with you. He'll know what to do. He always does. "

She looked uncertain at first but finally nodded her head, her shoulders slumping in either defeat of acceptance, I'm not sure which. Taking the bag from out of her hand, I placed it by the side of the bed and seizing on the lull in the emotional rollercoaster we were on at the moment, I decided it was the perfect time to get dressed.

By the time I got out of the bathroom, Faith had moved from her spot at the foot of the bed to lay sprawled across it, her eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. And it's then that it suddenly hits me. She's *killed* a man. To live with that --- to live with the knowledge that you've taken someone else's life, someone else's future ...

And it could have so easily been me in her shoes. The Toth demon wasn't all that hung up on which Slayer he took out as long as he got one of us.

"So, you ready to go?" She asks, listlessly sitting up and looking at me, breaking me abruptly from my thoughts.

Taking her hand in mine, I pulled her up into a standing position. "Let's go," I said with what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

She returned it with one of her own. "What would I do without you, B?"

"I guess you'll never know because I'm never leaving you, Faith."

Her smile grew wider as she leaned in, softly kissing me on the lips, making everything seem perfectly fine for that all too brief moment. But as soon as we parted, there was an awkwardness laying between us that seemed to have come out of nowhere. She was the first to make a move, walking to the door as I followed.

No words were spoken and the drive to the high school was just an extension of the silence. It seemed to take hours before we finally cruised to a stop in the parking lot but in reality, the drive probably only took a few minutes.

We were halfway to the library when a snarky, unforgettable but how I wish I *could* forget voice that sometimes makes an appearance in my nightmares, boomed out from behind us, "Hold it!"

Both of us did just that. Faith swore under her breath but put on her fakest, brightest smile as she pivoted on one foot, facing down our pursuer.
"Good morning, sir." I don't think I've ever heard her use 'sir' in a sentence before and Snyder certainly hasn't either because he looks like he's just swallowed his tongue. "I was so worried I wouldn't run into you today but ... here you are. I just wanted to let you know that I've been out sick these last couple of days --- nasty flu bug going around, y'know? But don't worry, I'm fine now."

Snyder eyes her suspiciously but then turns his undivided attention to me. "You!" He says like he was accusing me of something. I always knew he had a special place in his heart for me --- granted it's way in the back in a deep, dank corner full of spider webs.

"Hi." I even manage a lackluster imitation of a wave.

"What are you doing here?"

I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I needed to use the bathroom" and immediately grimaced at how stupid that sounded.

"Actually, since this *is* her alma mater, she wanted to come back and visit with a few teachers --- do the nostalgia thing," Faith said without missing a beat. "So if you'll excuse us, I have to be at the library researching a paper for class."

Faith takes my hand and drags me away, leaving a sputtering Snyder in our wake. "Out sick?," I questioned, surreptitiously looking back over my shoulder to catch my former Principal turning an interesting shade of purple.

"We'll talk about it later," she promised with a sheepish look in place as she led the way to the library.

"Giles!" I immediately shouted as soon as we stepped through the swinging doors. How many times had I shouted his name in the past, the volume usually modulating in accordance with the badness of the situation? It was almost a reflex by now. But I stopped short just inside the room as I took in the unfamiliar form looking back at the two of us.

He was like a younger version of Giles, complete with glasses and musty book in hand. As soon as I saw him, my brain just screamed 'Watcher'. Did the Council make a mode and just stamp them out like cheap roadside trinkets or had they stepped into the twentieth century and experimented with cloning? I could feel Faith already backing up and I caught her hand before she could make her way completely out of the room. One look at her eyes was enough to see she wasn't happy with this unexpected development.

But before I could say anything to try and calm her down, the new guy steps towards us, introducing himself just as Giles comes out of his office, looking slightly pissed off.

"Uh, Wesley?" I said, cutting short his long winded speech which he'd launched into as if he'd been practicing for it all day. "We came to talk to Giles ... alone."

****

This guy just can't buy a fucking clue. Buffy had told him flat out he wasn't wanted here but ... he's still here! And he's annoying the crap out of me, talking about how he has a responsibility to be here cause he's my new Watcher now. Yeah ... what the fuck ever.

"I didn't ask for this," I muttered, low enough that he wasn't supposed to hear but the guy's got some big ears so he catches me anyway.

"Pardon?" He asked with one eyebrow raised, trying to stare me down. Imagine it --- this fucking suit's trying to stare *me* down. I've faced guano scarier than him.

"I said, I didn't ask for a new Watcher!" I shouted, smiling when I saw him jump back a little. "So just go pack up your bags and get the fuck gone."

"Faith!" I got a stereo shout of my name as both Buffy and Giles jump in to save his ass.

"Look this isn't a good time," Buffy finally says as she places herself between Wes and me. Maybe she thinks I might attack. "And anyway, we didn't have much luck with the last Watcher that showed up here what with her trying to kill us and all -- "

"But I *was* sent by the Watcher's Council. Ask Mr. Giles," he almost pleaded.

Giles nodded. "His credentials check out."

"Fine. You wanna stay? Stay," I said, suddenly tired of arguing. If he was so bent on being my Watcher, I'd just let him know early on what a screwed up assignment he'd been given. Walking over and slouching onto a chair, I let myself sigh once and then repeated what I'd told Buffy before, not once lifting my eyes off the table in front of me until I'd finally finished.

It was easier in a way. The words were familiar. Hell, I'd just said them not more than an hour ago. But the reaction --- the reaction ripped me up inside just like it did the first time. There were gasps, mostly from my new Watcher and when I finally lifted my eyes to catch the look on his face, I saw a hint of disgust before it was hidden as the glare from the lights bounced off his glasses.

But what the fuck did I care what he thought? He was nobody to me. When I looked over at Giles though, he was actually able to meet my eyes and I saw that he understood ... a little anyway. Maybe Buffy was right. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea.

"We have to inform the Council."

Then again, what the fuck did I know?

"NO!" I didn't care that I shouted. I didn't care that he flinched back like I was going to hit him or something cause right then, I really did want to hurt him. "You tell anybody anything and I'm outta here." I wasn't joking either. My bag was already packed, the money was in the bank --- there was absolutely nothing holding me here.

"You can count me in too." I look over at Buffy. Her jaw's set in that way she has when she's made up her mind on something and I realize that, yeah, maybe there *was* something tying me here after all.

I'm not gonna lie to myself. I mean, what would be the point? That morning when I spilled my guts to her, I thought she would've totally freaked but I didn't give her enough credit. She said she'd be there for me and I knew she wouldn't lie. It's still a strange feeling though ... having someone to back me up no matter what I do.

We both left Wesley sputtering in the middle of the library still talking about protocols and rules --- whatever. He should've read my background. If he did, he would've known I'd wipe my ass with the 'rules' before I'd follow them. I thought about ditching the rest of the day again but before I could come up with something decent to do with the afternoon, Buffy grabs my arm and almost shoves me into the girl's bathroom.

"Hey, what's the deal, B?" I turn around to face her and she's got a scowl on her face. "What?" I ask again.

I think that might've been the wrong thing to say cause her scowl only deepens and I wonder if she's mad at me or something.

"He's going to tell."

"What?"

"Wesley," she says, folding her arms and leaning back against a sink. "He's going to go to the Council with this. No matter what he told us, we can't trust him."

"I've got the same feeling but what am I gonna do about it? I can't stop him from ratting. Like I said, if things go bad, I'm outta here."

She just looks at me, making me feel uncomfortable so I start squirming and when I realize I'm squirming, I try to stop which just irritated the hell outta me. And still she keeps staring at me. "What?" I finally ask, knowing that it was probably something I should have already known.

"You were just going to leave today weren't you? Just like that. Were you planning on dropping me a note or were you going to wait until you'd hit the road before giving me a call?"

"Well ... it wasn't like that ... "

"You were ready to do it not five seconds ago!" She practically yelled. "Faith, do you even think of me as your girlfriend or am I just someone you toss aside when it becomes convenient."

"Shit, will you give me a goddamn break? You think this is easy for me? I just killed someone, B ... I *killed*. This ... thing ... has been on my mind 24/7 and it's driving me crazy. I can't talk or eat or drink or piss or sleep without seeing this guy's face, staring back at me." I felt the slow burn of tears in my eyes but I couldn't let them fall. "And it kills me that a part of me doesn't give a shit." We're both staring hard at each other with nothing but silence between us.

"What?" She asks, uncrossing her arms and looking a little confused.

I take a deep breath, feeling like I'm one step from taking a dive off a steep cliff. One more step. "It doesn't matter in the end, B. One guy, ten, a hundred ... What does it matter when we've saved millions already? We're Slayers --- rules don't apply to us. They don't cause we're not 'like' them ... right?"

She stares at me for a few more seconds and I was beginning to think she was just gonna blow up but instead, she moves right in front of me, cupping my face in between her hands.

"And you start wondering why you have to risk everything to keep other people safe ... people you don't even know. And if you're going to do this night in and night out, the least they can give back is a little leeway if you mess up," she whispers, her eyes so intense that I thought I was going to burn in them.

"Exactly." I breathe out the word, surprised that she understood.

She must've noticed the look I was giving her cause the next words out of her mouth were, "I understand, Faith. I do. And I'm not saying what you did was wrong because I can't judge you. If that demon had run into me first instead of you, I would be the one in your shoes right now. But you need to know you're not alone. I'll always be here for you ... no matter what."

There was a definite lump in my throat so instead of answering, I just nod and let her wrap me up in a hug. And I had to ask myself as I buried my face against that warm neck, what had I done to deserve someone like Buffy Summers? It just didn't seem right somehow that she could love me like this. But damn, was I glad that she did.

"We'll get through this, Faith," she murmurs against my ear. "We've gotten through so much already."

It was forever and a day before we let each other go but people were starting to filter in through the bathroom doors ... not that I minded an audience but it wasn't the best place to be communing with my girlfriend. Cordelia came in once, took one look at the two of us and left without a backward glance. I guess Queen C and I still had issues. I seriously didn't know why she was so hung up ... it was just one kiss. Even Buffy about forgotten about it.

"Let's go," Buffy says, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Where?"

"Back home."

I smile a little. The words sound so right coming from her and it warms me to know that, yeah, we do have a home together. "But what about the new Watcher?" I ask, my mood already turning sour as I thought back on what he could be doing right now.

"Forget him," she said simply.

That was about the only thing we could do anyway. So I let myself be led out by the hand. "Oh," she added, almost as an afterthought, "We still need to talk about your habit of cutting classes."

"Hey, as I remember it, you didn't win any awards for attendance either."

"Well ... that was different."

"Gotta do better with the witty zingers, B. I'd have to give you a D - for that one on principle alone." It felt good to joke around. Seemed like months since we'd done the banter thing.

Pushing me towards a side entrance, she scowled which still managed to look cute on her face. Slapping me on the arm, she stealthily led me out of the school. "Which reminds me," she adds, shooting me a sideways glance that told me I wasn't going to like what she'd been reminded of. "Don't you take your SAT's soon?"

I groaned, long and loud as she snickered, not offering me the least bit of compassion.

****

Sometimes, things happen so fast and so suddenly that part of my brain shuts down until I can gather myself together, find a nice quiet, preferably dark spot and reflect on the situation better. This is the Hellmouth. Needless to say, I've cornered the market in finding these nice quiet, preferably dark spots.

I was already planning ahead, not even realizing it --- 'it' having become habit by now. And as I watched Faith striding towards the boarding terminal, I let all those doubts and uncertainties filter to the back of my mind because they could all wait. Everything around us was a swirling, hyperactive mess that seemed to be spinning out of control even as we rushed to make sense of it.

We finally got to the counter and Faith slapped down our tickets, barely controlling herself as she fidgeted while the woman behind the desk looked the papers over like she was poring over the Dead Sea Scrolls.

"One moment please," she says and before even waiting for a response from us, she walks into a room behind her and closes the door.

"I don't like this," Faith grumbles, looking around suspiciously. I couldn't say I blamed her because my hackles had stood up as soon as we'd stepped inside the airport.

We heard the shuffle of footsteps behind us --- cautious and fast approaching. We shared a glance before pivoting in sync.

"Come with us now." I'm sure Wesley had on his most intimidating, authoritative glare but the fact that he couldn't keep the squeak out his voice pretty much destroyed whatever image he'd wanted to convey.

"You should've let us go." Faith's voice, in comparison, is deadly calm as she leveled a glare at the little group that was in front of us. Four in all besides Wesley, all dressed in black.

"Don't make us force you," Wesley shot back, puffing up his chest even as he backed up a couple of steps. "If you would just come with us ... this is for your own good, Faith. Besides which, it's from direct orders of the Council."

Faith struck first, her booted foot striking against the side of one man's face before he could bring his hands up to block and from then on, it was like playing shadow --- no thinking required, just follow the leader until no one was left standing except the two of us. That was supposed to be the end of it. We would leave now --- not forever but just long enough for things to cool down.

That was the plan.

At least that *was* the plan until what felt like a sledgehammer hit me from behind. I looked up at Faith and saw her looking back at me, her mouth hanging open and her eyes growing wide as saucers. I looked down at myself and finally notice that somehow, I'm on my knees instead of standing up like I thought I was and there's blood seeping out of my chest --- the stain blossoming like a rose.

Faith?

Everything's starting to get numb.

Faith?

I can't see anymore.

Faith?

Please don't let me die without seeing you.

Faith!!!

****

The chair scraped harshly across the floor as I pulled it closer to the bed. Buffy's hand is warm as I take it in my own and like every other time I come back into this room and see her still lying here, I want to go back and kill the asshole that put her in this bed. I would've done it the first time around if Giles and the others hadn't shown up and tackled me before I could crush the bastard's windpipe.

Instead, I have to live with the fact that the son of a bitch is still walking around somewhere.

"I wish I could've killed him for you Buffy," I whisper, the words hoarse as they escape my throat. "He doesn't deserve to live --- piece of scum ... " I reached out with my other hand, stroking a pale cheek as I started talking. The first couple of days, I would just sit here and hold her hand but somewhere along the way, I'd started holding these one sided conversations, hoping that some of it was getting through and maybe, just maybe, she'd answer me one of these days. "Sorry, I know I'm repeating myself and you're probably bored to death of hearing me say the same things over and over but ... it's not fair. It's not fair when he gets to walk around while you're stuck here." I dragged the chair even closer, brushing my lips across her knuckles. "I know you're in there Buffy. Please wake up. I'm tired of hearing myself talk."

Silence. Off in the distance there's a page over the PA system.

"I miss you so much. I miss the way you smile at me when I come into a room. I miss the way you laugh when I do something stupid. I miss the way you dump me out of bed when I'm too lazy to get up for school. I miss the way your hand always find mine when we're walking. I miss the way you say my name ... I miss *you*."

I start tearing up again and my vision starts to blur.

"B, I'm not as strong as you --- never was. So you have to come back."

If I beg enough. If I plead enough. Maybe she'll hear me.

"Please don't leave me, B."

I hear them opening the door but I can't look up. They talk to me but I don't know what they're saying. They leave and I don't know how long they've stayed.

"Please don't leave me here alone."

Sick Daze